Happy Orgasmic Mother's Day

Many people believe that setting aside one day a year to make a phone call or take Mom out to dinner is sufficient acknowledgement and thanks for a job well done, or done to the best of her ability. Although there is no work more important than raising a child, we still take motherhood for granted. However, women (and a few men) who are caring for infants or preschoolers know it's a 24/7 never ending job that's a labor of love. (The photo is the Dodson kids, Billy, Dickie, Rowan and Betty).

My mother always knew she wanted a big family while I never played with dolls and didn't want to have children. Instead, I was going to be an artist. Eventually I would realize "mothering" takes place on many levels including birthing creative projects. One of the most challenging creative efforts was my feminist commitment to help women discover their orgasmic potential by liberating masturbation. Although I made a dent in altering some people's understanding of this basic form of sexual expression, to this day many young and older women continue to search for some kind of sexual completion or release as they long for the elusive female orgasm.

In the late seventies, women began calling me the "Mother of Masturbation." I clearly remember the first time I saw this catchy title in print, l groaned inwardly. Everyone knows that mothers have no power and remain unsung heroes. In the beginning, I intended to set aside my art career temporarily to teach women about their sexual bodies through self-exploration. I soon discovered that teaching masturbation was treated as everyone's favorite dirty joke. As an artist I was always admired for my "marvelous talent," so it's no wonder that over the next twenty years I constantly considered going back to drawing and painting. Instead I moved forward by learning to write and I ended up self-publishing and illustrating my first two books on masturbation.

Mothers get so little credit for all the gazillion-and-one domestic chores they perform. We mostly give lip service to its importance. Yet how we live, what we eat, how we are socialized and how we first learn about sex are the most essential aspects of our lives, but mothers continue to be taken for granted. Come to think of it, the way society treats mothers is similar to how we treat the most basic form of sexual expression- masturbation is also taken for granted, ignored, or repressed. Having sex with oneself remains the stepchild of human sexuality.

When Jocelyn Elders, our former Surgeon General made the statement that she believed masturbation was something that could be taught in schools, she was fired! The national press was all over that story. At the time, I'd been teaching masturbation skills for over two decades and I'd never received any national attention. Actually, I doubt I ever will unless I whack some big name celebrity with my vibrator.

Whenever I think of my own mother and realize how much she shaped my life, I feel a deep sense of gratitude. Bess Amelia Dodson was from pioneer stock, the strong women who worked alongside their men to settle the West. Mother was never brainwashed from too much religion which allowed her to be an independent thinker. She believed the Bible was written by a bunch of men, more like a collection of fairy tales rather than the word of "God." Without any religious repression, her sexlife with my Father was orgasmic and she often said that was the main reason she stayed with him for fifty years. She also thought masturbation was a natural part of childhood, so how lucky did I get?

Her own mother died when she was just four, so she more or less raised herself along with three older sisters helping out. Their one room schoolhouse was a three mile walk and once they could read and write, all four girls dropped out. Mother missed all the history lessons that were mostly made up lies and propaganda that ignored the important role women played throughout history. Most importantly, she had what we called "horse sense" instead of all the socially conditioned garbage that clutters so many otherwise good minds.

The fact that mothers shape the next generation is a powerful fact seldom discussed. This personal power is not understood by mothers either. For instance, how mothers treat their sons differently from their daughters is at the heart of limiting women's choices later on in life. I've lost count of the times I've heard women tell me the expectations for their brothers were quite different than what was expected of them. Many mothers turn sons into surrogate lovers who then become spoiled men who expect to be waited on and adored by women. While daughters are often over-protected and many are punished for the natural act of masturbation that retards future sexual development. These girls either end up fearful of sex and give up on it while a few others spend years searching for some kind of sexual fulfillment. Meanwhile moms cut sons more slack because they are expected to be sexual while daughters should be chaste.

If mothers were aware of how the male and female sex roles are socially programmed in a child, they could literally create a generation of men and women who understood masculine and feminine principles in an entirely new way. Instead of a polarized overly masculine Tarzan, and an extremely feminized Jane that limits both sexes to living half a life, the masculine and feminine principals would be balanced within each of us. This would allow both genders to live more fully expressed lives.

I grew up in a matriarchal home with a strong mother and a talented but passive father. Mother grew up with three sisters and one older brother in a rundown farm house in Missouri. Her dad was a poor dirt farmer and she told many stories of hardships along with the physical abuse her dad heaped on his mule and other livestock. She was the youngest and his favorite, but after her mother died, her dad remarried a woman several years younger than his oldest daughter. Mother said his new wife was an ignorant girl with two children of her own that she always favored by giving them extra food. When her older sister Mae complained to their father, it often led to an argument where he'd lose his Irish temper and hit his daughter.

"Your Aunt Mae would fight back," Mother said. "She fought him like a man with her fists and she won more times than not." So I grew up knowing women were strong and could fight back. I'd say that's quite a contrast to being a Southern Belle or Eastern debutant who swoons when confronted with the first harsh aspect of reality. The fact that masturbation is still an ongoing joke for most men and a subject seldom discussed by women continues to fire up my fighting spirit. The best news is that the rising sale of sex toys indicates someone, somewhere, is having a good ole time with themselves.

So why is having an orgasm so damn important? When a woman, young or old isn't sure if she's had one, or is confused as to how to create one, sex often occupies her mind far too much. This lack of sexual understanding and absence of pleasure lowers her self-confidence. She's always wondering and worrying if she's normal or what's wrong with her. Once she figures out how to enjoy orgasms with herself and a partner, she can start enjoying sex and lead a more productive life. With new sexual self-confidence, she will move forward to claim her rightful place in the home, in business and in the decision making process that governs our country. By balancing the conditioned male and female roles in each of us we become whole people no longer at war within ourselves. That's when we will be able to finally create a more peaceful and healthy world.

Mothers and all other caregivers raising children have the power to sexually heal the next generation from the sexual problems presented today by honoring the natural act of sexual self-exploration. We start by answering their sex questions honestly and directly whenever asked. Never push kids into masturbating because you think it's healthy and safe. As early as ten and twelve, they are trying to separate from adult controls. If you discover a child's porn under the mattress or on his/her computer, don't turn it into a federal case. Pass it off lightly. Keep some informative sex books in the home, but don't suggest one unless asked for your advice. Let them discover sex books by themselves. As a sex positive relative, friend or older sibling, you can also help children understand aspects of sex that they don't know enough about to even ask the question. Lots of affection from Mom and Dad, same sex parents or other care givers, will go a long way in creating happy adults. Maintaining a sense of humor and keeping the subject of sex lighthearted is worth its weight in gold.