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Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Ask Betty ›

Boyfriend Can't Give Me an Orgasm

Published January 5th by Betty Dodson
in

I'm 21 years old and have been masturbating for a number of years but have never been able to orgasm - no matter what I do or how long I do it for. I do have a boyfriend and have already explained to him that the big O doesn't seem to happen for me. However, I think he's beginning to feel disheartened that after a number of months with him I haven't had an orgasm.

Please help as I feel like I'm missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures.

Thank you.

Dear JF,

How about educating yourself by getting my book Sex for One or Orgasms or Two? Or click on "First Time Orgasm." Or read some of the other answers I've posted for women like yourself. As for you BF feeling disheartened, that's one of your problems. It's your orgasm not his!

If he expects you to come from his magnificent dick or his fabulous oral sex and continues to believe that he GIVES you an orgasm, it's no wonder you can't come. Once you know what kind of stimulation you prefer on your clitoris, you will go get your own orgasm. He can enjoy the ride but he is NOT the source. You are the source of your orgasm so start practicing.

Dr. Betty

 

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No orgasm with this boyfriend

Submitted by SandySchu on Fri, 03/06/2009 - 05:03.

I am in my upper 40's and have been dating  a guy for a year but don't have an orgasm with him. He loves sex so we might break up over it,  I have had orgasms before with some and not others. I can have an orgasm through masturbation (although not as easy these days as before.) I have had sex with a guy a few years ago and had so much chemistry with him that I had an orgasm through missionary sex in minutes.  No, I have not given men any help ever (I need to not be timid but I am) but I also am not really sure what to say.   Also, I have never had an orgasm through oral sex!  I think I can't. Can this be true??  It just doesn't really get close.  Why does it drive other women crazy? I wish it did me. It isn't my guy, i know he listens and trys and has had enough experience.

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