First off I want to say that I admire your life's work. I have seen your artwork in books and I am familiar with your crusading to make our culture less prudish. Thank you for your efforts.
The question I have is as follows: My partner and now husband of 6 years has told me recently that he is not satisfied with our sex. It is not because he cannot orgasm, because he always does orgasm. He is not psychologically satisfied with our sex because he says he wants to be able to "slam" into me hard and fast. He says that he feels that he has to hold back and not loose himself in the moment. He says that this holding back is not fun for him.
When I have tried this slamming before with him, it usually results in him hitting my cervix hard which hurts very badly, causes nausea, and pretty much ends my desire to keep making love. He is a sensitive guy and gets turned off too when he hurts me in this way. He has an average size penis and my vagina is about evenly sized to his penis when erect. I am wondering if you could recommend any sexual position, or way that I can position my body that will allow him to slam into me without penetrating deeply enough to hit my cervix. I would especially appreciate any position suggestions that would allow me to touch myself as I find it difficult to orgasm from penetration alone. Thank you for your time.
I dislike the slam fuck, but different strokes for different folks. Back when I was having a ton of casual sex, if I ended up with a guy that started slamming on top, I'd just partially close my legs to control the depth of his penetration with my strong thigh muscles. Or I'd climb on top and do what I liked. If he had a short dick I could go along with vigorous fucking. Otherwise I'd climb off, kiss him on the forehead and move along. Ah, yes, those days were good.
No matter how much he loves his "hard fuck" if it hurts you it's verboten. Another experiment would be making sure you are fully turned on. This takes more than a few minutes of clitty diddle with a titty massage. Ever notice after thirty minutes of fucking and he comes, you are now ready to go? Once we are truly hot, the cervix actually lifts up creating a bit more room. But you would be the one to signal when you wanted him deeper and harder, not when the desire hits him.
Get my book "Orgasms for Two" that has pics of different positions I like that incorporate a vibrator. Maybe a Tantra workshop or a talk teach session with my apprentice Eric would help. Learning how to slow down and use more subtle movements with breathing deeply would help him to get over his slam dunk porn style. By all means stand your ground. Pain is always a killer of partnersex so he has to experiment as well as you.