Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I decided to write about my brother's wedding here under sexcapades because I'm going to share the humorous moments in a sort of stream of consciousness:

Watching Erin (my sister) doing my mother's makeup.  We had 10 minutes to make it to the church and I was trying to hurry them along to which Erin replied, "you can't rush make up".

Reading the church program and noticing the foot washing ritual.  I wasn't sure if they were really going to wash each other's feet.  My cousins and I felt that she would wash his feet since it was described in the program as an "act of submission".  They washed each other's feet.  It was kind of kinky.

The bongos.  Yes, they played bongos in the church during the hymns.

Hearing my dad exclaim, "I've never been to a multi-media wedding".  They had video in church.

Walking towards my mother after the ceremony to say something poetic only to hear, "you need to put on lip gloss".

My sister sobbing as we threw rose petals outside the church totally making me look cold and callous because I didn't even tear up.

Being thanked by several guests because I wore a flesh-colored silk dress that left nothing to the imagination (check out facebook).  Two of my parent's neighbors slid their hands down my waist to my backside.  in that moment, I realized I'm a sexual muse.

Dancing for a few moments with my brother and everyone watching the energy between us.  Before I knew it, we were separated and I knew why.

Smoking my one-hitter in the car on the way home knowing that I had been the bigger person.