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Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Help Please! ›

Nightmares with sexual content

Posted on: Tue, 06/30/2009 - 17:32
Nightmares with sexual content

I think it's the third time that I had a nightmare of a sexual nature. And I count only those that make me scream (only in my dream, I don't scream aloud). Those that I can't forget.

This part is very disturbing, don't read if you're sensitive. I don't want any other person to have these images stuck in their heads.

A year ago it was about being abused. I couldn't move and somebody (it's hard to write outright who it was) was putting a finger in my anus. I wanted to escape and that person was laughing because I couldn't. I know that in reality it couldn't happen. I know this person all my life. I don't have any blocked memories. But since that dream I cringe every time that person gets too close. The only blessing is that it didn't turn me off my sexual appetites (I don't associate anal fingering with that incident - only that person).

This summer I already had two. The theme has changed to genital mutilation. A couple of days ago I was cut from one hole to another. And last night my vaginal opening was partially sown closed. The most awful thing about last one was the "plot". First I noticed that something is not right with me down there. I somehow managed to see the stitches. They weren't fresh but they hurt a bit. I confronted my mother about it and she said she arranged for it because she wanted to stop my supposed sexual activity (in this dream I had made up some boyfriend). I started crying really hard. My mother was trying to apologize. When I woke up the strange pain was gone and I was surprised my eyes were dry.

I know that dreams are more about our subconsciouses than real events. But apart from fear of total loss of control to my parents (finally wrote that!) and a lot of pain I can't decipher anything.

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Posted on: Tue, 06/30/2009 - 20:48 #2
I can decipher it.  Your

I can decipher it.  Your parents represent societal pressure to contain your sexuality to proscribed notions of non-slut behavior.  Your genitals weren't being mutilated they were being sown up so that you couldn't have any control over them or use them as you wish. 

The slut stigma...genital shame...lack of information about female sexuality...and the systemic belief that women aren't as sexual as men - think of all the ways we stifle female sexual energy.  I think your dream points to an undercurrent that you feel in your daily life to limit your sexuality.

"most people are fools, most authority is malignant, God does not exist, and everything is wrong" Ted Nelson

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Posted on: Thu, 07/02/2009 - 08:29 #4
Thank you for you answer,

Thank you for you answer, Carlin!

I agree with you on the belief that women are considered less sexual. My mother thinks that real needs appear around 30. So I shocked her buying a rabbit vibe at 16,5. Now she's gotten somewhat used to it. But she still considers me hypersexual. Despite the fact that I've never even been kissed (but I'm working on that one!).

And I think that she's a bit afraid of that energy. She's had some mediacal problems that made it difficult for her to enjoy penetrative sex. And I can't imagine my dad offering to do something just for her like go down. He's even more affraid of female sexuality and even physiology (left overs from being rejected by his mum).

Thankfully the memories of the last dream are fading quickly. It helped a lot to write about it here and share it with my friend yesteday. She belives my family is a bit f-ed up and I should move out. It's not an option. Besides what would I do without them?

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Posted on: Thu, 07/02/2009 - 12:36 #6
my family is fucked up but

my family is fucked up but it still is grounding to have them in my life.  Betty and I were having drinks with a good friend last night and we got on the topic of being there for your family when they don't deserve it.  In the end, it's all for you.  Living home or going to a wedding or visiting every day in the hospital - to do any of these things you have to let go of the hate or resentment and that's what makes you a better person.

Your parents are just people who try their best and are of a generation where sexuality was something for marriage.  You're not hypersexual you're just a normal young woman with a normal sex drive who is in touch with her body.  Congratulations!

"most people are fools, most authority is malignant, God does not exist, and everything is wrong" Ted Nelson

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Posted on: Thu, 07/02/2009 - 17:03 #8
Thanks. Most of the time I

Thanks. Most of the time I treat "hypersexual" as a comliment. I have a high T level but stopped fighting it when I decided that contraception pills were only making me fat and faint on occasion. Since I didn't need them I told my doctor not to bother. I don't have any serious condition just acne and temper. Even my body hair is "normal".

But because of lots of bad messages from the society it's important for me to take time once in a while and remind myself what the truth is. Listening to you and Betty is a good vaccine against bad self-image when it comes to body or sexuality.

My parents are OK on the whole. We try to accept and love each other as much as we can. I fell sorry for mum and my sister  that they can't acces the joy that a good sesion of selfloving can give to a person. A bit of afterglow would do wonders for their dispositionsWink.

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