I don't even know how to start with this post. It's like how do I convey everything that happened with my family and why it cuts me to the quick..and why Easter is such a bad day for me?
My family is very religious and the worst kind of religious: evangelical Christians. So, suffice it to say, they didn't take it kindly when I married a Jewish man. In an effort to appease them, we married in a church and my father (a minister) performed the ceremony. Like an asshole, I thought that if I included my family and acknowledged their faith they would respect my decision. WRONG.
There we were standing at the altar when my father decides that he's going to perform an "altar call". If you don't know what that is it's when the minister makes a call to Jesus - a call for any person in the room who hasn't asked Christ to be their personal savior to go forward and accept Jesus into their heart. Half the audience - the Jewish half - gasped...I mean you heard them gasp for air. I was so overwhelmed that I fainted at the altar and the groom had to hold me up while we finished our vows.
And if that wasn't enough when we got to the reception the kosher menu featured shrimp cocktail, lamp chops, and linguini and clam sauce. Let's just say that I bailed and took off in a golf cart, my mother-in-law tried to punch out my mother, and my husband's grandparents didn't eat a thing and left early.
That was 7 years ago. Oh, and I'm sure you figured this out, our marriage didn't make it. I've really tried to forgive my family and move on. Not for them but you me. I know who important it is to have a positive relationship with your family. So 2 days ago I get this letter of apology from my father...not really an apology but his effort to say he's sorry he ruined my marriage even though he thought he was doing the right thing (the right thing being what God told him to do) and would probably do it again.
So I'm sitting here with all these emotions whirling around, hiding in my office, trying to accept the fact that my family ruined something that so special to me. And to top it off my mother keeps asking about who I'm dating and why I don't have a family at 31. I tried calling and talking about it but I just can't do it. The anger just builds up inside me and there's nothing to say. I'll never get that piece of my life back.
I'm an Easter baby so in a few days I'll turn 32. There's enough religion in this holiday to choke a horse. I can't stand it. It makes me think of everything that's fucked up with my family. I'm starting to think that it would just be easier not to have them in my life.