Recent comments

  • Remembering My Journey   4 days 5 hours ago

    Carlin, that was a beautiful, moving, powerful piece. Thank you for sharing your story. You and Betty are changing the world one person at a time. Love and light to both of you.

  • Remembering My Journey   4 days 13 hours ago

    I totally agree with you.  Rigid sex roles rob all of us of full, happy lives. 

    Just the other day we were at the park and Grayson touched a four year old girls shoe while she sat on a bench - they were rainbow colored and he loves purple.  She immediately screamed and pulled her foot away saying that "he touched me and it hurt".  It didn't hurt...she went right to victim.  Then he walked away and touched her friend's shoe (she had the same ones) and the other girl yelled, "don't let him touch your shoe". 

    Grayson is 2 and these girls were 4 but he was the aggressor because he's a boy.  He didn't understand what he did wrong.  It was so sweet really that it kind of crushed me, realizing that his good intentions were going to be twisted into aggression because of his gender. 

    Kids get all the social cues and understand so much more than we give them credit for...it starts when they're toddlers.  Both me and my husband shower Grayson with affection...let him wear any color he wants and encourage him to cry and laugh and play and be happy.  School will be the challenge.  I see myself developing curriculum for kids in the future as I meet each milestone. 

    They deserve more. 

  • Can Your Urethral Opening be in Your Clitorial Hood?   1 week 1 hour ago

    I'm 31 years old and just learned my urethra is NOT supposed to be under the clitoral hood! Mine 100% is! I have a "cluster" of tissue where drawings show the urethra is supposed to be, but mine is up directly underneath the clitoris, beneath the hood! I'm having a crisis of identity right now.

  • Marijuana & Sex: Confessions of a Periodic Pot Head   1 week 12 hours ago

    I think the key word we are looking for is dosage. Most of marijuana bad press has to do with dosage, just like any other medication.  Big pharma or no, most of the genuine benefits come from proper dosage. The brain is not a cheap chemistry set.

  • Remembering My Journey   1 week 15 hours ago

    Thank you for sharing your story. I was especially struck by one line, and how becoming the mother of a son, raising a boy in the context of your own upbringing, has it's own challenges

    "Girls are raised to serve one function: to please and to birth the next generation while dependent on men for their financial security."

    And the corollaary of that has to be that boys are raised to be pleased, to sire the next generation and to provide financial security. Women are disadvantaged by the system but as I get older, it seems clearer that most men are also badly served. Men are raised to cut themselves off from their emotions and relationships, to compete and "succeed" at all costs, and since inevitably "winners" ae few and far between it means that most men are destined to fail.

    Dealing with inevitable failure, being told that you have no or low value whilst having cut yourself off from emotional support is difficult. We live in a system that doesn't work for men or women, where the choices are limited, where one of the choices we are presented with is to grow up emotionally or economically stunted or dependent.

    Suicide is the single largest cause of death for men in the UK aged 20-50.
    Raising healthy sons, emotionally as well as intellectually literate would seem a huge challenge given the society we live in and push back against. Good luck for the journey.

  • Remembering My Journey   1 week 1 day ago

    omg Carlin I had no idea, how you struggeled since the beginning of your life. 
    I have to say I feel you.
    Not that I had the same experience but mine where similar. since I was born, it seemed I just collected every shit that'ts on the planet. 
    but eventually at almost 43 years old, my path of freedom began. I live, I learn, I stumble, I fall and I get up again. 
    just now I am on my way as a startup entrepreneur to sexUp peoples life. spreading words about sex awarenes, sex education in any corner I drop in.
    my dream is to get the sex education from kindergarden to retirement homes.
    because if we talk about healthy lifes sex is an important basic to it.
    I am so happy, that I found the two of you online, when I was searching myself.
    love you both for that
    thanks for existing and inspiring the rest of us
    Irena 

  • Sophie Emma Rose Normalized Breastfeeding Your Toddler   1 week 3 days ago

    I loved
    reading your story. I too, breast fed my son until he was just over 3
    years old. He is now a very well adjusted, smart, beautiful man about to
    receive his MBA from Babson College at age 24 after finishing all paperwritings. I had an unsuccessful
    attempt at breast feeding with his older sister, mostly due to terrible
    post partum depression and lack of resources at the time. So when my son
    came along I was better educated and better prepared. I never imagined
    it would last more than three years either. It just happens. It's
    nothing new either. I remember my grandmother telling me how her
    youngest was nearly able to pull up a chair to nurse, he was getting so
    big. No one should be made to feel bad or disgusting by a longer than
    "normal" breast feeding experience. That's what the breast is for. I
    think it helped me to keep the depression away this time because of the
    hormones needed to make milk. Women need to support each other with
    breast feeding, it's not always easy or natural.

  • It's Not About the Orgasm   1 week 4 days ago

    I really enjoy reading your experience in the bodysex shop.  It's amazing to see a group of women truly express themselves in such a glorious way.  [= 12.8px]You both are such a wonderful inspiration, I get so excited with the idea of being part of a group that is so willing and open to share the most valuable aspect of living, creating and being. [/][= 12.8px]I can only hope to venture into something like this one day. [/]

  • Is My Penis Too Small?   1 week 5 days ago

    Something that came to mind when asked about asexuality, out of all the fairly circumscribed (or circumsized) attempts at understanding it, there remains much contentious debate about how to define it. Nature and nurture mold each one of us uniquely within their matrices formed by DNA and our social interactions. For some reason, people lose their sex drive, lose interest in sexual activity, is asexuality a sexual orientation? Whatever.  Were asexuals to ever entertain a return to some sexual activity, their respective sexual equipment, by nature, would work accordingly. By that I mean we are all sexual beings by nature, we have genitalia designed for sexual as well as other functions. 

  • Is My Penis Too Small?   1 week 5 days ago

    Bila, 
    My daughters tell me that I need to make space in my thoughts for the idea of asexuality as a valid part of the sexual pantheon and I was wondering what your thoughts were on that topic. My initial response to my girls was that we're all sexual beings, which was shot down with full teenage righteousness.

  • Is My Penis Too Small?   1 week 5 days ago

    I'd rather have a partner with skills than one with the biggest dick, which obviously comes with it's own issues and can be uncomfortable for partnersex.

    But I think maybe you've answered the question for yourself when you suggest it's all about the locker room. Mostly dick size is all about other men, not about women and their expectations for partnersex at all which is somewhat ironic given how hyper hetero comments relating to size can sometimes pretend to be.

  • Is My Penis Too Small?   1 week 6 days ago

    Now Nowhard, Why do have your genitals censored in your author pic? Not necessary in a forum like this, where love for ourselves, our bodies, our genitalia trumps any type of mindset where small infers lack, and where lack brings shame. No matter if his dick is 4 or 14 inches long, a stimulated erection produces unique euphoric states mentally and physically in solo and paired sexual activity. Everybody's hard dick feels good, they're all buzzing with sexual energy. There's no other feeling quite like it in our sensory menu. We are all by nature sexual beings, by birthright, not by some edict that mandates 'size matters' as a key for sexual enjoyment. 

  • How to Become a Slut at 40?   1 week 6 days ago

    I disagree with you. Words have the keaning that we want to give it collectively as a society. There are many ways of changing the way people feel about things. A freat example is the word "quier." Back in the day calling someone a queer was just as bad as calling someone a faggot now days. But a group of people decided that they would take the word queer and embrace it as their own. Now there is a segment of the LGBT community called queer. If you went back in time, say 20-30 years back and you tell people that one day calling someone a queer would be non offensive, they wouldn't believe you.

    Now you can take a college class on Queer Studies and they even have political parties.

    "Originally meaning "strange" or "peculiar", queer came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, queer scholars and activists began to reclaim the word to establish community and assert an identity distinct from the gay identity. People who reject traditional gender identities and seek a broader and deliberately ambiguous alternative to the label LGBT may describe themselves as "queer".

    Queer is also increasingly used to describe non-normative (i.e. anti-heteronormative and anti-homonormative) identities and politics. Academic disciplines such as queer theory and queer studies share a general opposition to binarism, normativity, and a perceived lack of intersectionality within the mainstream LGBT movement. Queer arts, queer cultural groups, and queer political groups are examples of expressions of queer identities." ~ Wikipedia

    The word slut is an empowering word to some. To them being a slut is about being in control of their life and body. A sign of assertiveness, female power, and to many even feminism.

    Some have gone as far as creating different categories of sluts. There are cheap sluts. These are women that skeep with just about anyone. Girls of "low standards." As a friend puts it.

    Then there are "Classy Sluts." These are women you know what they want. They like sex and they are OK with having casual sex because they like sex, not just to please some guy. They don't sleep around with just anyone. They have taste. They have standards.

    As long as women response so negatively when called a slut, the shame will continue. Our reaction to what people say to us or do to us is what gives unhappy people their negativity fix. They got away with what they wanted and it makes them feel good because they know they got under our skins.

    If there is somehing I have learned in life, is that bullies will continue to bully you as long as you negatively react to their name calling and teasing, but if you ignore them, or laugh with them, eventually they give up and move on to other victims.

    When I was 7 years old I had sex with two boys from nect door that were sitting me for my sister. They were boh much older than me. One was about 13-14 and the other 17. Some say that they molested me. I suppose they did but I have never lost any sleep over it.

    The sex went on for nearly three months on a regular basis since my sister always wanted to go out with her friends every day after school. Even though I can't say that I enjoyed it, I think that there were a few occations that I felt good to know that the guys were enjoying me.

    By the time ai was 10 I had been with five guys. All older than me. Including an uncle. In essence I was program to become a sex toy for men.

    Between 10 and about 14, I had sex with inky ine guy but changed later. I told my best friend (a girl) that my first time was with two guys and that it went in for a while. She was shocked. And I didn't even tell her about those other guys.

    A few minths oast and for reasons I still don't know, she got mad at me and stopped hanging around me. She tokd her new group of freidns about my first sexual encounters with those two boys and I became the school slut over night.

    All of a sudden I was getting a lot of attention from boys I had never seen (may I had I just didn't noticed) and guys I knew. These boys often asked me to meet them after school. To me they wanted an "after school date," but o them they wajted an after school laid.

    I kissed with some but didn't fuck with the first hand full. Until this ine boy asked me out. I really liked him and he had always been nice to me. The first few days we met after school were nice, we kissed a lot. I eventually had sex with him because I thought he really cared for me and I had developed feelings for him.

    After fucking me a few times he told everyone what we had done and that confirmed, more like cemented, my slut title. It got even worst has boys I had not fucked with but had kissed with claimed that had fucked me.

    Eventually I did fuck quite a few guys. Specially guys I met outside my school at parks or malls. I became a dirty or trashy slut. Somehow I was OK wih that. Being used was normal in my mind and I didn't really know how to say no. Except in a handful of times in which the guy scared me for some reason. Being a slut that young and "dating" older guys can get you in some scary situations.

    Now I am in my 40's and I have come a long way. During my 20's I fucked a hnd full of guys. Yeha, may be only about 5. During my 30's only one. And so far in my 40's just one also and it was a one time thing with him. So far it has been about 2 1/2 years sunce my last time.

    Inside of me there is a part of me that wanted to go back to being a slut, and wants it bad. I like to dress sexy and I like guys looking at me. It makes me feel bestiful, wanted, and more feminine.

    So the battle inside me goes on. I want to be a good girl but want sex and lets face it, the first time you have sex with someone are typically the most fun. It's like unwrapping and trying a new toy.

    So why don't I go out and find fuck guys? Specially now days that one little Craiglist ad could get me tons of prospects? Well, that would make me a cheap slut and I don't want to go that route again. Inwould rather be a classy slut.

    But the main reason I don't, is because mentally ai am not ready yet. To be a slut you have to take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself the tough questuons. Do I want to be a slut because I am emotionally needy or lonely? Am I missing something in my life that I think ai can get from dating men and fucking them? If the answer is yes to any of those reasons, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

    The truth is that I am not sure about my own answers. I think that I do have some emotional issues that I need to address because ai comit myself to being a classy slut. Addly enough, one way of fainding out is by going out and having a one night stand with someone. If you feel ashame afterwards, chances are very high that you did it for the wrong reasons.

    But is there a way to get your emotional needs fixed and still be a classy slut that uses men, the same way they have been using us since the beginning of time, to get their sex fix? You know, get a little companionship and affection and still be OK about not seent that guy again. Is that too much like playing with fire?

    Regardless of what I decide to do with my body, I do not mind being called a slut. I never did mind. What bothered me was the boys who claimed to have fucked when they hadn't. But people calling me a slut didn't bother me. I guess deep inside I new that I was one.

    But we collectively can take the name slut and change it's meaning and the way people see sluts. There will always be resistanc eto change, but eventually things do change.

  • Is My Penis Too Small?   1 week 6 days ago

    Hi NLH 4 inchs erect you must agree is small, I think he can gain 2 inchs and that would help his esteem in manhood.

    I think a 4 inch penis is a bit like a women having a 32a bra size, and always hiding it from site, so if she wanted to be bigger what would you say to her?

    He does not want to be a porn star he just wants it a bit bigger, that way he saves face just like a 32a going to a 36b would help to save face, saves depression they get, its that side you really need to be looking at, PE works for me at nearly 70 as my wife enjoys a little extra size, so if a can and do and it does work.

    Question would you be happy being in bed with a guy who can only raise 4 inchs erect and not much thicker than a standard candle?

    And its also a locker room thing, again saving face.

    NOWHARD

  • Is My Penis Too Small?   1 week 6 days ago

    Too small for what? You're not going to be a porn star with your penis size but unless that's a career you were looking for, you don't have a problem.

    For most women, clitoral stimulation is what leads to orgasm so a man's penis is entirely irrelevant to her pleasure. Even for women who like the feeling of being "full" there are plenty of toys available. 

    Most women's hymens are long gone by the time they hit their teens, thankfully, so the old wives' tale about blooding virgins is no longer relevant. Both penis size and vagina size vary considerably so everyone at some stage is going to come across a "mis-match". The women who have commented on the size of your dick would be horrified if you'd commented on their possibly cavernous vaginas so just accept that some people are rude and selfish, and take no notice.

    As long as your penis gives you pleasure, it's doing it's job. Give a choice between a man with a huge penis and no skills, most of us are going to choose the skills so just find someone to practice with and enjoy life.

  • I Have Absolutely No Sex Drive   2 weeks 12 hours ago

    No, it's not normal for a woman of your age, or at least does not have to be.
    Betty's given good advice to check with your doctor to see what the potential side effects of your medication might be and what the options are around finding some that can leave your sexlife intact. Make sure that your doctor takes your sexdrive seriously and look for a second opinion if you're not happy with their advice.

    Decent lubricants are essential and should always be checked to make sure they're compatible with your birthcontrol of choice. Take the pressure off partnersex with a little more self-loving, which may or may not lead to orgasm each time as you start to find your way with your new body. It's a bit like re-discovering your lover part-way through a marriage, persist and your sex life will be better.

    Menopause varies from woman to women but everyone suggests it requires a sense of humour, patience and a WTF attitude.  You will get your body back, a little different but still you.

  • The French First Couple is Perfection   2 weeks 12 hours ago

    Apparently the age gap between France's new first couple and America's first couple is much the same, though obviously flipped by gender. 

    Aside from that similarity, there are a couple of obvious differences. Brigitte Trogneux has kept the use of her maiden name unlike Melania Trump, has a life of her own, and perhaps most importantly always looks delighted to be around her husband.

    She's also fairly aware of not only her own appeal but its limitations. When asked about her husband's bid for the presidency last September, she replied with a dreadful yet very self-aware truth. "He has to do it in 2017" she told the writer Nicolas Prisette, "because by 2022, his problme will be my face".

  • When Women are Disconnected from Themselves They have Disconnected Partner Sex   2 weeks 2 days ago

    I think it is so wonderful you discovered yourself and your passion through masturbation with the help of Betty's workshop. It's so generous and caring that you have become a deciple to spread the word and help others embrace a masturbatory lifestyle as you have done. That will make such a positive difference in so many lives.
    We should not depend upon our partners for sexual satisfaction.  It is unfair to them and frankly dishonest to ourselves.  That's not what love is.  Love is mutually supporting each other, empowering each other, accepting, helping each other develop in whatever ways they need, orgasmic or otherwise.
    I'd love it if you blogged and share your progress and stories.  That could help others just like yourself who have taken it upon themselves to spread the positive and essential message of masturbation.  Makes me proud as an older women now knowing things are improving.

    Marti

  • My Clit is Too Sensitive to Orgasm   2 weeks 3 days ago

    It's called sexual anhedonia. You experience the physial effects of the orgasm (everything you've described) without feeling the chemical pleasure. 

  • Does the Penis Have 8,000 Nerve Endings Like the Clitoris?   2 weeks 5 days ago

    Hi I always thought there was around 16000 nerve ending at the frenulum but looking to back this info up, cant find where I got that from, theres a mention of between 10.000 and 20.000 nerve endings but seems no one has ever counted them, so would this be the same for a women having 8.00?

    But this site looks to be interesting for answers.
    norm dot org/losthtml

    But it still comes up with 10.00 to 20.00 at the head of a male penis, which could be right when you think of the size of a male gland to the size of a clitoris, and with circumcision so much of those nerve endings get lost.

    NOWHARD

  • How Can I Help My Boyfriend Keep His Erection?   2 weeks 6 days ago

    Dear Betty,
    I'm hoping to get your input on my situtation.
    [= 12.8px]The guy I'm dating can't stay hard for more than a couple minutes during penetration. I either have to cum very quickly during penetration or he willl bring me to orgasm by oral and manual, but the most satisfying orgasm for me is penetration with clitoral stimulation. He says I get to wet that's why he loses his erection, but all the men I've been with love how wet I get. Lately I've been feeling less enthusiastic about our sex life because he requires a lot of time and stimulation to orgasm and has difficulty staying hard. Thank you for any feedback! [/]

  • The barbell   3 weeks 2 hours ago

    I think it is healthy and positive you are fantasizing about this and willing to share.  All I can say is, why wait for the experience.  I've always considered myself straight and I have a loving, understanding husband.  But the day I finally lightened up on myself and gave myself permission to masturbate with one of my girlfriends, it became so easy for me to embrace that as a regular thing and I have never looked back.  I hope you will do the same.

    Martha B

  • Am I Asexual?   3 weeks 2 hours ago

    These days, we are so much more accepting of different lifestyles but they can be constricting sometimes.  AutoSexual, Asexual, masturbatory lifestyle, whatever you want to call it, has become quite common and even popular.  That does not mean you are unable to have fun and share with partners and new experiences can be rewarding and educational.
    I suggest hooking up with another masturbator, same or different sex, and masturbate together.  No expectations for anything else.  Mutual masturbation is normal and common and, these days, its so easy to find people on-line and in clubs who are looking for the same.
    After a few sessions, than you may be comfortable with each other enough to try other things and it will feel natural. That's actually how my husband and I found each other.  We were both avid masturbators and met at a masturbation party hosted by a girlfriend of mine. 
    We still masturbate quite a lot alone and online, over webcam, with our network or online friends.  But we also masturbate together and even enjoy intercourse or oral on occassion.  I think that is life these days.
    Martha

  • Am I Asexual?   3 weeks 2 hours ago

    These days, we are so much more accepting of different lifestyles but they can be constricting sometimes.  AutoSexual, Asexual, masturbatory lifestyle, whatever you want to call it, has become quite common and even popular.  That does not mean you are unable to have fun and share with partners and new experiences can be rewarding and educational.
    I suggest hooking up with another masturbator, same or different sex, and masturbate together.  No expectations for anything else.  Mutual masturbation is normal and common and, these days, its so easy to find people on-line and in clubs who are looking for the same.
    After a few sessions, than you may be comfortable with each other enough to try other things and it will feel natural. That's actually how my husband and I found each other.  We were both avid masturbators and met at a masturbation party hosted by a girlfriend of mine. 
    We still masturbate quite a lot alone and online, over webcam, with our network or online friends.  But we also masturbate together and even enjoy intercourse or oral on occassion.  I think that is life these days.
    Martha

  • Learn a New Orgasm: How to Upgrade Your Masturbation Technique   3 weeks 2 hours ago

    Older Lovers,
    I loved your comment and think it's so wonderful you accept your need and your wife is so understanding and willing to help you with it.  You and she are surely enlightened and love each other very much.  She shold get an award for having you edge and prolong your sessions. That can increase the pleasure, strength, and volume of a man's ejaculation so much.
    Your urologist was frank and honest with you about your need to ejaculate at least 3 times a week and I think we should stress the "at least" part.  Some urologists are not and leave their patients wanting and at risk. Fortunately, with such easy access to information these days, more men alreay know for themselves the importance of ejaculating regularly and often, and they do.  
    My own husband is a once to twice a day ejaculator and we love to enjoy that together even when we're not having sex.  Years ago he was at risk for prostate problems but after increasing his ejaculations he has been fine.

    Martha