Ask Betty

Dear Betty,

Last time I had sex, I realised something - or rather, I noticed it the day after. My inner thighs were bruised (most likely from staying too long in the missionary position), which was quite painful, as I'm a curvy girl, my thighs touch when I walk. It's not the first time I've been bruised this way - in fact, it happens almost every time I've had sex.

Betty,

After two hernia operations I have a "dead spot" with no, or diminished sensation in my pubic area. It is in that triangular pubic area above my penis and most of the sensation loss is on my right side. Everything else functions normally, but the sensation just isn't the same during intercourse. It's not too big a deal, but after 4 years will the sensation ever get back to normal?

Hi Betty!

I am surfing around and searching if there still is any help for me. I am 52, bipolar, and taking Effexor(375mg) and Lamotrigine(200mg) since over 4 years. My condition has really improved and I am living a normal life now. Except ... for what has become such an obsessive subject for me ... the loss of orgasm. If I did'nt have any desire, it would be OK. Regularly I go through phases where this desire for orgasm drives me litteraly crazy!!!

My lover says that her husband can tell if she has had sex with a different man because she does not feel the same when having intercourse. That she is rather loose according to husband. My lover states that I'm much larger so would this have made a difference?

Dear Betty

I think your advice & comments are wonderful! It's great to hear your straight-forward (pardon the pun!) thoughts & opinions on the subjects of sex and masturbation. I wish you were on the home page to ever newspaper in the country... and I'm hoping you can help me with my problem.

I know all women's vaginas are "normal" no matter what size, shape, etc. their inner lips are, but I am still uncomfortable. When I was very young (perhaps 5-7 years old) I guess I was just curious about how I was growing down there, and I would pull on one of my inner labia. I did this for a while. Eventually, I noticed it was stretched; I've had asymmetrical labia ever since - one side is long, thick and dark while the other stays within the outer labia, is thin, smooth and light-colored.

Hi, Dr. Betty!

First, let me say how much I appreciate your book 'Sex For One' and this website. I read your book for the first time about 15 years ago and it was the beginning of my sexual self acceptance. Until that point, I thought of masturbation as 'something wrong' or a 'substitute' for real sex. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed masturbating since I was 11 or 12. I was enjoying it even when I thought there might be something wrong with me for masturbating and continuing to masturbate (I guess the good orgasms won out over self imposed judgement).

Dear Betty,

I can orgasm through masturbation but not through oral or vaginal sex. Because I masturbate on my stomach, I can't do it during sex or have my boyfriend do it for me during sex. Sometimes during sex, I try to touch my clitoris but often during that time, it is insensitive. As it is sometimes during oral sex. Any suggestions? Is it mental? I do enjoy sex and want it - I just can't orgasm.

Dear Betty,

I seem to have tiny white spots on my vulva.  At first, i was very worried about these but i found out that they are Fordyce spots. i am a virgin (i'm 18), so i knew it wasn't any kind of STD. i was wondering if there is any way to get rid of these? i just don't like the way they look! also, i have gotten recurring sebaceous cysts near my clitoris. i went to the gyno about it once and he told me to take hot baths and gave me antibiotics. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY VULVA?!?! i wear cotton underpants and i don't wear particularly tight pants and i use mild soaps! THANKS FOR YOUR HELP BETTY!!!!

I'm a 24 year old sexually active girl who's never had an orgasm, neither with or without a partner. If I were to introduce a toy to induce my first orgasm, how likely is it that I wouldn't be able to have an orgasm without the toy afterwards? Would it help me understand what it feels like to have an orgasm so I can better identify it in the future, or would I only be able to orgasm from the toy and never from my partner or my own hand?

Dear Betty,

I am in my late thirties and my fiance in his early forties. We've been together for two years. When we first met we had loads of amazing sex. Once we moved in together, about six months into the relationship, the sex petered out. First it was every two weeks, then every three. We are getting married in a month and we haven't had sex in five weeks! I'm freaking out!

I'm sure this question has been brought up several times but I have to ask for myself...I spent 2.5 years in an abusive relationship when the main goal of sex was for my boyfriend to orgasm, not me. I was just used to letting him use me to get his nut off. I thought I was passed that when I had sex with my next partner and had orgasms no problem. Now I'm in another serious relationship, my next relationship since the bad one, and I can't consistently have an orgasm.

I just came across your site and I love your videos!

I am relieved to know that some of my masterbation techniques are common. When i was very very young i would orgasm from climbing poles in the playground. A couple years later i moved on to household furniture and shortly after i discovered the bathtub trick. (:

Dear Betty,

first of all, thanks for the great job you're doing. You inspire me to explore new ways of my sexuality again and again. Thanks for all those great experiences that really changed me in my self-awareness as well as in relationships to other people.

To the question: Since March I'm experiencing orgasms by the hand of someone else than me for the first time. Now this one reported about something flowing out of my vagina when I orgasm. I immediately thought of female ejaculation and was curious to have found something new about myself again. Yay! So I read about it and found out, that female ejaculation is said to be clear and fluid. But mine is shiny white and rather solid (right word here?).

Dear Betty,

having read your book Orgasms for Two I was impressed by your knowledge and your way of writing . Last night my girlfriend ( over 50 ) told me ( over 60 ) that she would prefer my ejaculation inside her whereas my preference is to ejaculate on her, preferably on her breast by means of masturbation.