Ask Betty

Betty,

I'm at a loss here. I'm 26 years old, over-educated and therefore fairly developed intellectually, but I'm scared out of my mind when it comes to love and sex. I'm quite comfortable with my own orgasms, but only by myself. I'm attractive, I have great, supportive friends from many backgrounds and orientations, I have the goofiest and most loving sense of humor, and I'm "well informed" and joyfully articulate when it comes to sex.

Hi Betty!

I am 20 years old and I just started masturbating about 4 months ago. I was always kind of nervous to look at myself or touch myself, but I tried it for the first time about 4 months ago. I usually give it like, 2 minutes with my hand...or 5-10 minutes with a vibrator and it does feel good, but I don't have the big orgasm that I'm waiting for. My libido is extremely low, I'm never in the mood, I just do it when I'm bored and I usually try to hurry up and get to the orgasm part but it never happens.

Hi Betty,

I'm writing because I am worried about the size and development of my vulva. My clit, when fully aroused, is smaller than an apple seed and my inner labia are so minisucule that they barely rise above the surrounding tissue. I was anorexic from about 12-16, and then from 16-23 heavily abused alcohol and drugs. I am have been clean and sober for about 2 years now and just had my first orgasm about 6 months ago. I am wondering if my past behavior could have pemanently stunted my sex organs or if this size is normal.

I realize you are mostly a womans advise page, but I admire your work and was hoping you could shed some light on a very confusing issue. I cannot seem to find answers elsewhere. I am a middle aged man in a 20 yr marriage. My wife is the only women I have ever been with. For the last several years I have been expereincing ejaculation (premature?) without much if any orgasm. I just come but have none of the "intense feelings" I used to have just seems to sort of dribble out. Anorgasm??

I found my husband/partner of four years masturbating in the shower last night. After confronting him about it this morning, he says he has had a problem with doing it since he was 15 (now in early 30's), masturbating once a day till we started going out seven years ago when it decreased to 'minimal'. I know this is probably really common, but as a Christian I was bought up believing pretty strict things about sex (most of which I threw by the wayside during my teenage years), so masturbating in marriage was pretty abhorent to me, but I understand it more for single people.

I know by now you're probably outraged by my views but that's what they were till a few hours ago when I started looking up masturbation on health websites and wikipedia!! I realise that it's extremely common and beneficial (I did it when I was trying to induce labour with our son, so I've done it before), but my concern is the long term ramifications on our marriage

Hi Betty,

I am a long time lingerie lover, mostly silky panties since a fairly early age. I experimented with my moms and my sisters panties and then progressed to my girlfriends moms panties. All of the woman have caught me in some fashion with thier lingerie. My mom and my sister caught me with their lingerie several times masturbating or testing thier scent. One of my girlfriends moms caught me more times than I can count.

Hi Doc.!

First, I'd like to say thank you for providing me with such a wonderful and positive website upon which to stumble in the middle of the night. This is so much more than what I was expecting when I first clicked. I finally decided to join and submitted to the Genital Art gallery. So anyway, here's my question. I'm a 35 year old male without much sexual experience. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 27, and it was a terrible experience. Since then I've had one other awful one-night stand and two short term girlfriends with whom I had sex more than once.

I'm 19 and have been dating a phenomenal (a bit older) guy for a little more than 9 months. We have decided to postpone intercourse until we both feel ready (he doesn't yet and I don't either). The sex we have is really incredible, he is very patient and we are always learning from each other.

My question is about female ejaculation.I have been masturbating since I was 12 or 13 and have only made myself ejaculate twice (to my knowledge, my detachable shower head and I have always been quite close). When I'm with him, ejaculating is a pretty regular thing.

I have just started reading your book Sex For One. Bravo! Thank you for helping me start to destroy this huge wall I have built around myself for the past 23 years. I have purchased many books and plan on studying sex and relationships from home. I have been interested in this field for about three years now. I want to know if there is any advice you can give me as to what texts I should study. I want to be able to coach people to be better lovers, by themselves and with others.

i am very sexually stimulated when i am sucking on my husbands penis... but very frustrated that i cant deep throat, swallow, go down without choking a real quick turn off.

Dear Dr Betty,

First of all I would like to thank you for a very valuable and helpful website!! I have a couple concerns regarding child birth. My wife is currently pregnant with our first and we need to decide to have natural birth or go the c-section route.

If we choose to have natural birth I'm worried that she will lose some sensitivity down there. I am also concerned that I will not be able to satisfy her as much afterward as I'm an average sized bloke with not much size to spare when it comes to making love

I recently started dating a really great guy. I am a divorced single mom and he is the most amazing man I've ever been involved with. We are both super-sexual and attracted to each other but the problem is this: he has a very small penis (which is fine with me, I love him and am still capable of getting off with it/him) and he seems to be pretty self-conscious about it (making self-deprecating jokes, etc.) Anyway, he takes FOREVER to come, with anal/oral/and vaginal intercourse and sometimes he doesn't come at all.