I've already blogged about my first orgasm and how it happened. Now that I'm going into my tenth year of being an orgasmic woman (it's four days past the anniversary) I look back on my journey.
- It’s not that hard to come if I've managed it by accident.
- So that's why I like playing with my bum!
- I'm going to do it every night! (I managed for a couple of months.)
- Afterglow beats any drug on the market - I don't have to try the illegal stuff. I just know ;)
- Now I can have a second go if I let my clit rest for a bit.
- I have a new technique that doesn't require anal play (cleanup was is inconvenient): right index finger on the clit, circling, left index and middle finger pressing my labia against the entrance to my vagina.
- Vaginal fingering doesn't do much for me - massaging the outside is better.
- I can only come lying on my back.
- I can come how many times I want provided I don't fall asleep during recovery time.
- I finally figure out arousal and lubrication. For a long time I confused the small, amount of moisture that usually coats the vaginal opening with sexual lubrication. I started clitoral action too fast and the small bit dried out. I had to help myself with saliva. One time I kept my hands from touching my clit for a long time, fantasizing (about my “one and true love” that has come out of the closet this year - if he'd done it faster I'd just picture myself as a boy and stop trying to make the thought of vaginal intercourse as arousing as the thought of anal was and is - would have saved me lots of unnecessary angst). My clit got swollen and I got very wet. As wet as it had usually been after the first orgasm of the night. I got it.
- I read a cheap erotica book with lots of kinks, positions and configurations and get really turned only by one scene. Surprise, surprise it’s anal.
- I know how to use my shower-head, though coming standing up is so hard that I always end up with sore thighs the next day.
After 3,5 years (16,5 yo):
- A rabbit vibrator really feels amazing once you get used to penetration.
- I fall in love with a girl and a boy at the same time. I decide I'm most probably bi. My feelings for her don't fade and I'm following her like a lovesick puppy for a whole year.
- I can come lying on my back! I can even do the flip when I'm using my old technique.
- All my orgasms get stronger - not weaker.
- My sister starts being really sex-negative. I get to observe a case of sexual aversion ;) I shouldn't laugh about it as her frustration is channeled in form of physical violence.
- I write first version of my Polish website about masturbation.
After 6 years:
- I have best dad ever! He can fix my vibe provided I cover the "naughty part". He buys the half-truth that I have to have it not for pleasure but to lay it on my tummy to lessen my period pain. Truth is the vibe works on cramps - but it has to be on my clit to do that.
- I buy my second rabbit. This one is smaller and comes covered in an oily substance. Now I wonder why I wasn't bothered then.
- I give myself permission to read voy forums. After an hour of reading I log out, leave the PC to my sister (we had to share back then), grab my vibe and within seconds I come so hard that it probably looks like an epileptic fit. This happens three days in a row. To this day I've never experienced an orgasm of that intensity.
- I read Clitoral Truth, the Hite Report and TheClitoris website. All I thought I knew about my cunt is transformed. Now it fucking makes sense. Damn! I have to redo my website.
- I find out that I can bend my rabbit so that it is more curved (my sister bends it when I try to scare her with it). Next day I wake up at 5 AM with my first UTI ever. I break all the rules and sneak an antibiotic from the medicine cabinet (it was prescribed for something that turned out to be viral and never used; the leaflet said that it was good for UTIs). I never tell parents. I spend 3 days pretending I'm not lying curled on my bed, dreading the next trip to the bathroom - happy holidays to me.
- I start reading about toxic sex toys.
After 7 years:
- Wanting to embarrass my sister I buy her a simple harmless looking vibe. She rejects it. Best decision ever. For me, of course.
- I finally give myself permission to buy real anal toys. No more waiting for hand out condoms to cover my rabbits for anal penetration. It turns out that when I want to be size queen my butt has a different opinion. While starting out with two fingers is fine, the toys require too much prep and end up getting little use.
- I accept my fetishes and stop worrying about them being a turn-off for my future partner(s).
- I fall in love with masturbating in front of the camera. So much that I have to remind myself that making myself feel good has a value on its own even if I can't record it.
- I join xtube. I get lots of messages and friend invites. I love the attention but contacting those people doesn't appeal to me. Am I a cold bitch and a tease? Or just lazy.
- I have a bunch of sexting palls that help with my self-esteem.
- I meet a bi girl from my Uni. She finds me through a queer culture/dating site. I’m so awkward and insecure I don’t give it a chance to develop. Shame as she would be a fun friend to have if nothing else.
- My parents buy laptops for me and my sister. I have more time to watch enema porn and discover Everything Butt, but now we are always in the same room (nobody goes out to sit in front of the PC). We go to bed much later. I don't have any privacy! I have to get sneaky enough to masturbate with her in the same room. I doesn't always work out.
- This year (it takes long time to edit this; I started this 30th Dec):
- I decide to put myself on a queer dating site to meet somebody for realz. And of course chicken out.
- I buy myself another (this time body-safe) rabbit, vaginal balls and a glass dildo and start really getting into vaginal penetration. It's still not very mentally stimulating but combining it with clit stim really prolongs my orgasms. I still don't ejaculate.
- I switch to menstrual cup and my period becomes the part of my cycle when I masturbate the most.
While my orgasms are much stronger and longer lasting not every change is for the better. I miss waking when my sister fell asleep - now I would have to do it at 2 or 3 AM. Thanks, but no thanks. I miss longer sessions that didn't have to be recorded in case I don't have the chance for the next months.
A selfsexual, toy loving, bisexual fetishist.