By nature, I'm just not a big risk taker. My prudish nature coupled with sheltering parents has left me with no sense of adventure. As I've said before, I consider not shaking the orange juice thoroughly before drinking to be a pretty badass move.
One reason I don't take risks is because I'm okay with living with "what if" in most cases. If there's a moderate chance of this risk fucking some shit up in my life, then I just don't do it. I typically don't regret it, either.
I was watching this really educational documentary called "Tanisha Gets Married"... which, incidentally, is not educational or a documentary at all. It's basically about a woman (Tanisha) chronicling her journey through planning her wedding. There has only been one episode and it's already a hot ass mess, which I absolutely love. Anyway, one thing that did strike me as interesting was that she was having to get her fiance up for work.
She apparently has had several sit-downs with him about getting to work on time. Besides the fact that he's an ADULT who is helping to pay for a WEDDING, HE'S A FUCKING ADULT WHO IS HELPING PAY FOR A WEDDING. Get the fuck up and get your ass to work if this matters to you. She said that she wants him to make her a promise that he'll do better in the future and take care of her. She isn't asking for Buckingham Palace (though it would be nice); she just really wants some financial security. Awesome. I guess I respect that... I think it's sort of dumb, but right on with your ambitions.
I don't understand why people get married with the expectation that their spouse will change for the better in the future. That's just not a risk I'm likely ever going to be willing to take. Don't get me wrong... I totally think you're supposed to change and grow as your marriage ages, but if you're unhappy with a major part of who your partner is, then why get married on the "hope" that they will change? What if it's truly just a character flaw that they're happy with and not willing to compromise on?
I started thinking. What if you married someone and they weren't going to change? What if you married that person and twenty years from now, they were going to be that exact same person? Would you still get married? On the one hand, it is totally normal to expect someone to change, since that's just something that naturally happens as you age, whether it's for better or worse. On the other hand, you knew what you were getting from the beginning. Who can you be mad at besides yourself... when... What? They're the same person you married twenty years ago?
I guess I'm one of those people who needs stability from the beginning and I do think it's very possible to have that. I never liked the idea of women "fixing" their husbands. People should not be projects. If "make husband a more suitable spouse" is on your to-do list, then I think that's pretty fucked up. Maybe marry someone who has intentions of becoming a better person and is actually making the efforts to become that. Though I still think you're leaving too much to fate, it's better than expecting things to change "just because they should."
I guess I just feel like people should think more. Plan more. Some people aren't okay with living with "what ifs" and they would much rather have "oh wells," because they know they still tried. I envy those people sometimes, but not enough to start living like them.
Maybe I'm thinking too much. I have that problem sometimes when I watch crap TV. Either way, fuck marrying someone who has the internal age of a teenager. That's mildly creepy and I'm not waiting for anybody I'm planning to spend the rest of my life with to get out of puberty.