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Most People My Age are in Love with the Idea of Being in Love. F*ck that Shit

Sun, 01/23/2011 - 10:58
Submitted by VirginMonoblogger

This is the longest "stream of consciousness" entry I've written in a while.

Relationships are falling apart all around me. It doesn't make me sad; it just makes me happy that it's not me. I still feel like I lack the ability to fall in love, because I feel like it's this made up bullshit idea. I know that most people my age (if not all) are in love with the idea of being in love. Fuck that shit.

I don't believe soul mates are ready-made. I feel like you work together and become each other's soul mates. You grow together. You learn together. Saying your vows doesn't magically instill you with all of the knowledge needed to keep a marriage together, and that's why I don't understand why people get married and think things will necessarily get better. Nothing has changed except the fact that you're "under oath" to be a good person/spouse.

It still doesn't make sense to me why a relationship should work long term. Friendships may last for years, but you're rarely ever spending all of your time together. You have your space, you talk to each other often, and you see each other occasionally. It keeps things fresh.

HOW do marriages last?! With all of the flaws that we have as humans, how does anyone stick with one person forever and continue to be happy? How does labeling someone as a husband or wife make them the exception to the rules of relationships? You can get bored. You can find something better. You can realize that you've grown into a different person (whether better or worse). If all of these things happen with a friendship, you may not necessarily end it, but things will definitely change. I have never had an adult friendship where I'm willing to extensively work through differences, because you're going to end up changing or the other person will. I don't want anyone to change for me just because I may not be happy with the qualities that they have.

Why is a marriage worth working for and keeping together if you're both being forced to change? Is that what it is? You have to be willing to possibly change for the other person, even if you don't necessarily agree with the reasons? OR you have to be willing to put up with the other person, even if you don't like most of their qualities? Fuck all of that. If we don't mesh well, a piece of paper that says we're together isn't going to keep me with you.

Yeah, I know some marriages last forever and are great and all that happy shit. I still question those marriages, too, because I wonder if it's just based on comfort as opposed to passion and love. You just grow accustomed to being around that person. It's not fun, but it's not miserable, so it's more a "Why NOT stay together?" situation. I don't want that, either, but I wonder if you can keep things burning white forever... What happens when things die down and you've exhausted all ways to reignite that spark?

It's a lot of work. It takes a lot of compromise to be married. There are so many dynamics that it's impossible to use the same tactic for all of them. Yeah, communication is mandatory to keep things going, but when ISN'T communication the first thing you turn to when there's a problem? That's just what you do in life: you have a problem, you talk it out before it explodes into something irreparable.

I could be a wife. I'm feel like I'm equipped with the basic skills needed to help a marriage work. But, I don't WANT to. I have no desire to put forth the effort. There are too many things that could happen. I would just want to end it, because life is too fucking short for me to be putting my all into someone or something when I can possibly move on and find something that's a better fit.

I could never trust a person enough. I almost refuse to. I have faith in God, but none in humans... Because I am one. I know what I'm capable of, and I doubt everyone uses the same kind of logic that I use. I guess you just genuinely have to be willing to work through it all.

So, the verdict from VirginMonoblogger still stands: Fuck romantic relationships*. I don't want or need one. Life is complicated enough.

*none of this applies to Glenn Close; we are perfect for each other

Thought all virgins were the same? Think again.
http://thevirginmonoblog1.blogspot.com/

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"Falling" in Love

Sun, 01/23/2011 - 11:21
The Nerd (not verified)

...makes it sound like someone fell down the stairs.  Ouch!
Love, in my experience, doesn't happen by accident.  It grows on me.  I see someone, think "that person is awesome, available, and attractive - I want!"  Which isn't love at all, really, just a desire for companionship.  But if we really are good together, what we've created would be called love.
So yeah, I guess it's like an art project or hobby that's mutually rewarding but does take a lot of resources.  If you don't have the time or inclination, why bother?  Stick with what makes you happy.
On a side note, I've never understood the mindset that says marriages/relationships have failed if they end in any way other than death.  Who says a short-term relationship isn't as successful for what it was as a life-long marriage?

Wow...

Sun, 01/23/2011 - 15:56
Nicole24 (not verified)

I feel like you just said the thing no one my age wants to talk about. Half of my high school class is married, pregnant, or has a kid(class of 2004). I'm really hoping the attitude sinks in. I feel like people would be happier if they would stop trying to have the same relationships they see on TV. The image on the TV is supposed to be hard to get. All the carrots on a stick are.

I've tried that "putting all

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 11:38
Wioleta (not verified)

I've tried that "putting all your trust in your person" bs and when it doesn't last, you just feel either betrayed (if you've been dumped) or blasé about the fact that you can't force yourself to love someone when the spark is gone. Man, relationships are not easy.

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