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Sexual Fluidity

Tue, 10/25/2011 - 15:51
Submitted by Solo Sexualist

I just finished getting off a couple times to a pretty hot MFM porn video.  Fantasy has been replaced by porn this past week, and I’ve been alternating between lesbian porn and straight porn. 

There really is no difference at all in how aroused the two genres make me.  Choosing between straight porn and lesbian porn is like choosing between chocolate and bacon, and this realization has led me back to amazement-land over my mysteriously-blossoming sexuality.

You hear a lot about straight women suddenly discovering their sexual attraction to other women, but not a lot of the reverse.  For most of my life, I was basically gay.  I didn’t really want to be, I didn’t really consider myself to be, but the only gender that aroused me was women.  Straight porn or fantasies got me nowhere.  Then, shortly after turning 17, after at least 15 years of masturbating and fantasizing, I began finding heterosexual scenarios somewhat arousing.  I even managed to get off to them a couple times, but it was still a weak and forced turn-on compared to my lesbian fantasies.

I met my boyfriend last fall.  I liked him, but was kind of meh on our chemistry at first and was unsure if I’d be sexually compatible with a man.  The first couple months of fooling around, I couldn’t get off.  It was partially nerves and partially that I wasn’t aroused by our heterosexual fondling.  When I finally managed to get off by masturbating with him present, we moved on quite quickly to fucking. 

At first, I had to carefully concentrate on a lesbian fantasy in order to get off during the sex.  A couple months later, I was aroused by what we were doing, but still not enough to get off to it, so I combined lesbian fantasy with focusing on what was hot about the things that we were doing.   Phase three was me finding straight scenarios very arousing, but still having to fantasize about either straight or lesbian sex during sex in order to orgasm for some reason. 

Finally, for the past several months, sex has felt “natural” – I get aroused quickly and easily, the progression to orgasm is not forced or something I need to concentrate on, and fantasy is not needed at all (though occasionally it makes things more fun, like when I secretly imagine that he’s my brother and we need to hurry up and finish before our parents catch us).  The sex is effortless, feels right, and is soak-my-gotchies hot.

It’s been a bit perplexing to me that I’m now as turned on by men as I have always been turned on by women.  Perplexing, but a really neat present to have my sexuality suddenly expanded like this.  It feels like everything turns me on now and it’s really cool.  Damn, female sexuality really is fluid.

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I've noticed some changes too

WildOrchid's picture
Tue, 10/25/2011 - 16:32
WildOrchid

for years I've been using fantasies of my fetish to get off. Before that I used to imagine myself as bottom in anal sex scenarios (male or female, the top was male). I can orgasm without my fetish but it's much harder. They are also essential for vaginal lubrication.
A couple of days ago I was watching gay porn (Twinklight) and I had a vibe on my clit. Mildly exciting, no lubrication etc. Then, when one of the actors shot his load I felt that I was suddenly close to orgasm. I went ahead and had a pretty strong and unusually long orgasm. The thing repeated a couple of times, on different occasions. My fetish seemed less compelling for a couple of days. I even had an impromptu lesbian fantasy (I was penetrating myself with the SSA Glass Amethyst and got a thought "how would it feel like if some chick was fucking me with the Pure Wand?" and explored it further). I can't say I was sad to let my fetish go. But it returned. I guess I'm stuck with it.

Sexual fluidity

Tue, 10/25/2011 - 20:09
Patrick_R

Your experiences are fascinating. I find them really hopeful somehow, too---they tell me that we aren't born with everything about us predetermined.

Your post reminded me that maybe 10 years ago I read a memoir by a woman called Jan Clausen. I think it was entitled 'Apples and Oranges'. She describes her personal sexual journey, from straight to a committed lesbian partnership to a happy hetero relationship with a man (and sadly, to total ostracism by her former gay friends). One of her points was what could be called the social construction of sexual identity. People of all orientations often seem much happier giving each other labels---insisting that people must fit into some clearly identifiable, unchanging category.

But such labels ignore the reality of how human beings can evolve. Like you, she found that sexuality can be very fluid---a lot more fluid than both straight and gay people might be comfortable with. I would say male sexuality as well as female has that same potential, though it isn't often acknowledged. Thanks for sharing.

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