My mom, my sister and I have a new and deeper level of closeness now. A year ago I would not at all thought that possible. I felt a wall between us and it would not come down. I had my ideas about sexuality and they had their’s and it was always going to be the case. Nothing more to be said about that.
At first when I told them about the kind of sex education I was so excited about, namely Betty Dodson’s, I picked up from them real fast they thought I had lost my mind. No way were they interested in coming to my house to watch her Bodysex workshop on television with me. Uh huh. Keep that S*&T to yourself they let me know in so many words.
This made me a little sad and a little mad but I heaved a big sigh, didn’t give up and asked my sweet Christian minded housemate to watch it with me and she willingly did so. She was the only one of my circle who did. She and I enjoyed it and didn’t think it was weird or pornographic but in fact uniquely educational just like it is meant to be. In fact, she accompanied me to New York when I went to my first Bodysex workshop. She listened to my enthusiasm about the workshop and we also made it a fun time by doing all the touristy things; the subways, the Statue of Liberty, Times Square, and a few Broadway shows. We loved Williamsburg where we stayed and vowed like all happy travelers to, in the future, visit again.
When I returned to California I allowed my interest in sex education to sit and collect dust. There were many changes in my life about to take place. The most important one being the pending final days and months of my father’s life. The death of a parent is big for most people I think and I’m not one who is exempt from that. I have a complex history with my Dad. He, in his woundedness, harmed us, his family. It was that simple and yet left us with a long drawn out cure. Lots of hours in the therapist’s office I have spent talking and crying this one out.
I agree with Betty, though. The worst abuse in our world is the lack of sex education. In my view all other abuses stem from that. Everything about us begins with sex. We exist because of it. Many of the things we set our heart’s desire on commence with sex in mind and continue to be fueled by sexual urges. It cannot be denied. And yet, what kind of REAL sex education has any of us really had? Little or none is the answer I am sure for all of us. Hence the confused state of this world regarding relationships, marriages, child rearing, archaic wars still being fought, and the too long a list of social ills.
Back to my father. I forgave my father. I really and truly did. Many times on his deathbed I told him this. It was so beautifully liberating for me to tell him. In the years as a nurse witnessing and attending so many deaths, I knew I could not live with myself if I did not forgive my father. I had been afraid to visit him alone but I ended up doing so and those were the best times I had with him. We laughed, A LOT! I told dirty jokes and he pretended to be shocked. I felt close to my father without fear. I felt love for him like I had when I was a girl. The last time I saw him alive as I walked into his hospice room, he greeted me with a smile, though he was in tremendous relentless pain, and he called out to me, “Little Becky.” We at last healed our sad and long, long rift.
This chapter of my life, his death, freed me. I could not move forward into my dream to help heal the world by doing my part to end sexual repression until THIS happened. I honor my process. Yet even with it behind me, I am not moving very fast as I inherited from him weak ankles. Now at home I’m recovering from a surgery of an ankle just like my father’s. This too, though,is timely as it has given me time to reflect, study, write and plan.
And like all important endeavors, they are not works to be done alone. I have close at my side two women I did not ever expect to have here with me, my mother and my sister. I guess with time they see my beliefs not so strange after all. Whatever happened, I am grateful. When I have my down feeling moments, they hold me up and keep me inspired. I know they are authentically there for me. This I had believed not to expect. We are a close family, for that I am lucky. But to have them as support for what I see as the most important message I wish to convey to the world, that women, in order to be truly empowered, have a right to know and pleasure their sexual selves completely and positively and in every way, is the best gift I could ever receive.
My sister is my web developer/technical consultant and my mom, the journalist, edits my pages and is my nurse while I heal from my surgery. To have the support of my family is truly my dream come true.
And to top it off, last Sunday the three of us celebrated at Levi Stadium with free tickets by seeing and hearing The Grateful Dead, their last tour and our first time in their presence. Together, we have never felt so alive!