There is a grand difference between the skills of good lovemaking, the ability to “perform” without physical disappointment etc. and the many problems that reside in the genitals--- hence called Sexual Disorders.
Unsatisfying sex is not a medical problem. Not having orgasms, or not knowing how to masturbate is not a sexual illness or condition. It is a deficiency of learning and skill.
If it is a medical problem, it requires medical intervention---- a vibrator, some lube and a book will not do.
Let me try to be more clear. If a woman has vaginal pain with intercourse, we need to know why. Does she have an inept thrust- crazy lover, is something amiss inside her vulva that is the cause. Does she bleed, does she cry, does she avoid sex because of the pain? When these few symptoms are present other difficulties emerge. Loss of libido, is one. Why would anyone want to get hurt? Another is absence of orgasm. How can you come when you are burning inside and grimacing outside? How can you orgasm when the sheets are bloody and you can’t go to the bathroom afterwards because you are scratched and sore?
There are conditions called Vaginismus, VulvarVestibulitis, that cause the opening to the vagina to be as hard as concrete; there is damage to the vestibula that shows as sores, blisters, scar tissue.
Masturbation, lubrication, good relations are all very important to a good sex life. So is good medical attention. If your problem is diagnosed as fibroid related, endometriosis related, dermatological abnormalities (like lichen schlerosis), menopause related, etc. you need a medical doctor. These problems will not go away and their side effects will linger on. You might not be able to get pregnant, for instance, or your partner may end up with erection issues because of his fear of hurting you and losing his hard on.
If any of these subjects ring a bell, check it out. Get a second opinion. If surgery is suggested, use your wonderful brain in the service of your wonderful body.
There are wonderful educated doctors who do not push pills or brandish scalpels. And I believe many are surely not servants to big pharma. We know a lot more about women’s bodies today than ever before.
And if your problem is one of sex ed, lucky you. Keep reading this site for the best and most comprehensive info on the planet.