I Want to Go Deeper Into Me

Tue, 06/30/2015 - 06:49
Submitted by Natasha

I’ve written this in an attempt to describe orgasm techniques that I have developed from hours and hours of practice alone and during partner sex. When I first began this sexual awakening I found it difficult to understand techniques that were explained in technical terms. I knew that I was supposed to breathe, squeeze my vagina and move my hips and that there were reasons for doing all of these things, but it just didn’t make sense to me to look at my body and my orgasms as a machine and a product that comes from it. My vagina isn’t an “elevator” that needs to lift up and down as some doctors would say. I understand this concept and why this description may work well for some, but this kind of teaching breaks my heart a little bit.

I’m not teaching mechanics. I am encouraging women to look at their body, pleasure and orgasms in a different way. A way where I explain kegals in terms of drawing sexual energy deeper and higher into your body with every squeeze. Where body movement becomes instinctual and is guided by the movement of your hands, where touch becomes a medium for opening up parts of yourself that were closed, and where breath is the life blood of your orgasms.

This intimacy with myself has become my spiritual connection with a higher power and that higher power IS my relationship with my self. Through my orgasms I connect to my body and the world around me in a way that I never knew was possible.

I want to go deeper into me.

Pleasure follows my fingers as they trace imaginary lines over the curves of my body. The more I touch the more I can feel and, with this touch, my pleasure becomes a memory that cannot be forgotten. I make endless discoveries with my fingers – and much like the anticipation of opening a gift – everyday I look forward to discovering what this touch will open up into me.

Leaving my mind and entering into my body I surrender to the feel of my hands on my skin and begin to breathe deeper – more fully. My breath is waking me up from the inside out. Fingers softly touching my thighs my body shudders as currents of sexual energy are waiting to be released. Already close to the edge of an orgasm I’m not ready to let go just yet. I want to go deeper into me.

Following the muscles and contours of my skin my fingers begin to move in a spiral pattern until my hips, unable to stay still, join in. Lured by this circular movement the rest of my body follows and I keep focus on the feel of my fingers on the outside and the flow of my breath on the inside. This is an intimate dance with myself and my touch and my breath are leading the way.

Close to the edge of orgasm once again, yet still unwilling to release the powerful energy flooding into my body, I slow down my breath – drawing it in deeper. Teasing myself with my touch – I give it, then pull it back. Every time I lift my fingers off of my body, the air on my skin draws them back – like an echo calling out for more. I want more of this pleasure. I want more of this touch. I want to open this pleasure up INTO me.

Squeezing the muscles in my vagina I visualize this energy of mine and draw it deeper into me. Up, up, up I pull it inwards until my whole body is filled and alive with the pleasure of myself. Harder now my fingers move on my skin, pressing into the energy that is wanting to explode out of me.

Right on the edge now I just don’t want to let it go. I want to know this place. I want to see what other unopened treasures are waiting here for me. My fingers seek out untouched skin as I deepen my breath and quicken my body’s movements while squeezing my muscles faster and pulling upwards. I’m drawing this energy up higher. Into me it comes.

Overwhelmed now with what I see before me I know that it’s time to let go of this edge. I crave this surrender yet I struggle to hold on. Letting go of the edge means letting go of the control that holds me the rest of the time. Orgasms are my ultimate surrender.

Holding my hand between my legs I moan loudly and let go, and from deep inside of me my muscles contract and release. Each contraction sends off violent and intense waves of pleasure as the energy, that I had pulled up into me, is let go from my body. Waves crash over and over into me, turning my moans into laughter as I press harder against my pussy and move my body faster – riding out this bliss. In this moment I am my orgasm and my orgasm is me. Even if someone else has given it to me, it comes from my power, my strength, my wonder and my pleasure. Knowing this empowers me.

Flushed and sweating I fall back – body shaking from the last waves pulsating through me. I feel alive, awake and open. In awe of my body, my sexual energy, and my pleasure, my hands begin again to trace the lengths of my hips leading to my core. My breath catches as I build towards the edge again…….but I’m not ready to let go just yet…..

I want to go deeper into me.

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Bodysex Family

Tue, 06/30/2015 - 11:27

Natasha,

Thank you for a beautiful piece of writing - I'm sure that it will find an appreciative audience.

Personally, I quite like the mechanical or factual approach in terms of learning how to orgasm, different ways of orgasming etc. Maybe it's the masturbation ABC, but clearly there's also a major audience on this website for the factual "how to" that actually talks and shows in it's videos that masturbation is all about touching your clitoris whether by hand or battery. And where orgasm is allowed to be tiny little hiccups of nerve endings firing off, as well as earth shattering, life affirming emotional connections.

It's great that we can find both views or visions within the bodysex family.

Thanks so much for your

Wed, 07/01/2015 - 19:04
Natasha Salaash (not verified)

Thanks so much for your comment! Yes I agree there is a place for mechanical or factual approaches to learning orgasms, I guess I just get more excited when I can look at it another way. I love how Betty and Carlin describe different techniques on their videos and in posts. My post was actually referring to something that a medical Dr. said when comparing the PC muscle to an elevator. I just felt sad hearing that from another woman. I thought that there has to be a more empowering way to discuss our pc muscle and why we engage it during the build up to orgasm. But it is good to remember that we all learn differently. 
Anyways thanks again for your comment! 
Natasha

the dance of love

Mon, 07/06/2015 - 19:16
Bila (not verified)

Natasha, Thank you for your beautiful post and the mantra- "I want to get deeper into me". Yes, self-love is an exploratory pathway revealing novel, intimate pleasures and opening our innate means for generating physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Your orgasmic stream of consciousness speaks volumes for the bliss of the intimate dances we have with ourselves and ultimately how we relate to the world. You are a gifted writer offering witness to the endless discoveries that connect us on deeper levels to what it means to be alive.

In reverent admiration, Bila

the dance of self-love

Mon, 07/06/2015 - 19:17

Natasha, Thank you for your beautiful post and the mantra- "I want to get deeper into me". Yes, self-love is an exploratory pathway revealing novel, intimate pleasures and opening our innate means for generating physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Your orgasmic stream of consciousness speaks volumes for the bliss of the intimate dances we have with ourselves and ultimately how we relate to the world. You are a gifted writer offering witness to the endless discoveries that connect us on deeper levels to what it means to be alive.

In reverent admiration, Bila

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