Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Are you familiar with Dr. Diamond's work on the topic of fluidity? I'm reading the book that resulted from her ten-year study right now. Fascinating stuff, and I'm so relieved that it's been documented. Anecdotally and personally, fluidity has been a common theme for me and many women I know. But to have a long-term study showing that I/we are not anomalies has been both comforting and exciting.

I haven't seen a full post on the book yet on this site, though the book has been mentioned several times in comments. Maybe I'll write something about it, linking it to my own experience, after I finish reading it.

Given your field of study and so forth, I wondered about your take on Dr. Diamond's research and reportings.

Thanks, as always, for bringing the goods, Lilith.

Culturally, sexual fluidity or bisexuality is far more acceptable in women than it is in men, and that may be why it seems more prevalent among females. Men are regarded with more suspicion and judged much more harshly for any behavior that isn't conventionally 'masculine'. So men may very well have a similar potential for fluidity that is almost universally suppressed because of powerful social and cultural pressures. When we have a society that's as accepting of 'boy-boy' interactions as it is of 'girl-girl', then we'll know something about the real prevalence of fluidity in both genders.

I've always found it strange, by the way, that at least historically bisexual people were regarded with distrust not only by the straight community but by the gay and lesbian communities as well. This never made sense to me. For that matter, any labels that claim to conclusively pin down a human being's sexual nature strike me as inherently limited and invalid. I think we're better off without them---or at least realizing that they're highly imprecise, inherently inaccurate, and subject to change without notice.

Thanks for replying Marisa, I haven't had a chance to read Lisa Diamond's research, though I have had her on my school's virtual bookshelf for awhile now. When I wrote the piece on Marilyn, I was mostly thinking about Meridith Chivers research on women and desire. Her research showed that when women were hooked up to devices that measured physiological arousal and shown erotica -- everything from men and women, to women and women, to bonobos and other bonobos -- women were turned on by everthing. Men, on the other hand, were into their catagories.  Straight men liked women, while gay men liked men. You can read an article about her work here. 

In my own experience, it seems that women do indeed manifest a certain fluidity that men don't have.  I kind of think this is might be connected to the fact that homosexuality is more accepted in women. It certainly is fascinating though. 

Hi Patrick,
Yes, I absolutely agree that male homosexuality is a huge taboo. It's funny showing lesbian tendencies seems to make women more sexually appealing, think Angelina Jolie here. But I don't think that if Brad Pitt was talking about how great sex was with dudes he would be so well regarded. In fact, I am not sure he would even have a career -- certainly not as a male sex symbol. Though personally, I found the homoeroticism of Interview with a Vampire very appealing. And I don't think I am the only straight woman to think that. I am sure homophobia regarding male same sex behavior limits their sexual behavior in general. Also, culture plays a big role in defining "gay" behavior. There are some cultures that only regard the male receptive roles in anal sex as "gay". Men who do the penatrating are still considered straight. 

Hi Lilith, thanks for bringing up this interesting topic! Women definitely have this potential for fluidity. I remember reading Jan Clausen's memoir---she is a well-known writer who in her life has gone back and forth from straight relationships to years of living as a lesbian and then back to straight again. This made me realize that 'orientation' isn't necessarily fixed---as Betty says, maybe we're all just sexual if you remove the socially ingrained expectations and prohibitions. I would say that men have this potential for fluidity, too---it's just that it's hard to identify the degree of that potential as long as most men are so negatively conditioned towards same-gender sex.

Meredith Chivers' research, while very interesting, doesn't (as far as I know) tackle the inhibiting effects of social conditioning on the
development of conscious desire. In other words, we only know what male desire looks like in a culture like ours that is distorted by homophobia. We have no idea what would arouse men in a world where they weren't brought up from boyhood to fear same-gender attraction. Boys hear anti-homosexual slurs very early, and they know they represent something 'terrible' that they don't want to be identified with. This would tend to force any non-straight impulses from their conscious awareness, perhaps for the rest of their lives. However, I think there is a significant degree of unconscious same-sex male inclination out there, even among men who are basically straight---it's the only logical explanation for slurs and hate crimes against gays. It's possible IMO to be, say, 90% straight and 10% gay, but a lot of men could never admit that 10% to themselves. That Brad Pitt's career would probably be destroyed by his admitting bisexual feelings, while his wife's lesbian inclinations only make her more desirable, is pretty good proof of the double standard.