The transition from sexual being to pregnancy and childbirth is a long and rewarding journey. What does the road look like on the way back to reclaiming my body as a sexual being...here is my journey.
I used to think I was confident in my sexuality and my body, and then I had my daughter. That was 5 years ago and I have just given birth to my second child, a beautiful boy. I am amazed and in awe of how I have changed sexually and the power my body holds since becoming a mother. I felt my most confident sexually when I was pregnant; proud of the life I was nurturing in my womb and wanting to show off my full breasts and expanding abdomen.
I chose to have a home birth with my amazing midwives and family present. I chose midwifery because the intimacy of childbirth was important to me and reflected in their practice. My beautiful baby boy was born in my bed after a long night of labouring. All the pain, fatigue and fear melted away when he was placed on my chest and knew my life had changed forever.
When I was pushing, my labia minora had become detached from their original position and I also had well as multiple tears and lacerations. I could here the midwives discussing how to put me back together; "I think this part goes here and then attaches to this other part. There, that looks good".
It actually looks pretty good I think, I joke with my husband that I got a new vulva out of the deal. I really liked my old one, but this one looks like an orchid. My labia have been sutured together in such a way that I can see the opening of my vaginal canal and urethra and the shape of my vulva curves like a comma where it attaches to my perenium, as if to say keep looking because there is more to come.
It took quite a few months postpartum after the birth of my daughter resume sexual intercourse with my husband; there was stitches, pain, aprehension, zero natural lubrication and lots of questions. I am now at one month postpartum and I am feeling the need for physical intimacy with someone besides myself.
I have been masturbating regularly for the past three weeks and I swear my clitoris has atrophied from lack of contact, maybe that is just from my lack of natural lubrication from breastfeeding. One great benefit of masturbation is that it has accelerated my healing by bringing so much blood and oxygen to my tissues, speeding up my physical recovery.
My past sex play has always incorportated lots of nipple play; I'll see how that goes as my breasts are doing double duty right now. I have the all clear from the midwives to resume sexual intercourse, now it is up to me to take the next step.
So, here I am armed with my new vulva, gigantic voluptuous breasts, lots of lube and my open expectations about a new chapter in my sex life. I cannot wait.