Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I recently read this post about stretch marks as battle scars that inspired me to write this blog. I have had a long history of emotional eating, weight gain and loss and somehow it always seems to tie into my sexuality.

I also used to be very wary and embarrassed of my stretch marks. They started to appear around my twelfth birthday, when I was growing into a woman. The dark purple and pink lines took to my breasts, my hips and my thighs. I was mortified. I remember thinking I did not want to ever get pregnant for fear of more scars.

We Suggest: 

Scars can be Beautiful

Feeling (about) My Body: Question One for Bodysex

Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop

My Battle Scars

February 12th marked the beginning of Sexual and Reproductive Health Week; this year’s campaign is Not Everything has to go Viral.

I attended a nursing conference last week that focused on communicable disease and there were several discussions around point-of-care (poc) HIV testing. The test can be done anywhere, and takes 60 seconds to read the result. I found myself saying “Why don’t I get one?”

I began second guessing why I needed the test; “I don’t really have anything to worry about, do I? It’s not like I fit into any high risk categories?” I wonder how many cases go undiagnosed because people do not fit into these traditional high-risk categories.

As a society, we don't see much information on pleasure during and after pregnancy. Seldom are the words seen together; yet ironically sex is what brought us to this point!

Here are my top ten ways to maximize sexual pleasure during pregnancy:

1. Listen to your body. The first trimester is exhausting for pregnant women. Coupled with nausea and breast tenderness, sexual intercourse may be the last thing on your mind! Just as your body and relationship are transitioning, so must your sexual expression. It is never static. Sexuality is fluid, always changing how we choose express and feel it. This is an excellent time to build intimacy with your partner through touch, massage and enjoying the quiet.

Pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period can wreck havoc on a woman's body. Your growing uterus creates extra pressure and displaces vital internal organs. Childbirth can cause damage to delicate vaginal and vulvular tissues resulting in scar tissue formation. In the postpartum period, your body contorts and is put out of alignment by breastfeeding, carrying car seats and massive fluid shifts in your tissues.

I have had four pregnancies and two miscarriages. My 2 full term pregnancies were amazing experiences and I now have 2 healthy children, aged 5 and 1.

My primary work as a sex coach is with postpartum women experiencing painful intercourse postpartum.

I feel as though I have been in hiding for months with my new baby. I was going along smoothly and WHAM, I got hit with post-partum depression.  My son was about 6 months old and I started to get that overwhemling, out of control feeling.

I had given so much over the past half year that I was empty. I really needed something to look forward to. My remedy was to choose to set a date for three days of sexual self care with some wise women. It gave me something to look forward to.

The time arrived and I met 12 other wise women in a pictureque home on a small island. My journey started with sharing, dancing and breathing. Along with my pussy self-portrait, I also wrote her a poem:

My little pussy

Masturbation has been my lifelong lover. My earliest memories of masturbation were during the summer I turned 10. I was at a friends house in her swimming pool and I swam up to the edge to chat with her. The jet on the side of the pool forced a steady stream of water against my clitoris. I can recall feeling very warm and flushed, my heart racing. I had no idea what was happening; all I knew is that I liked it. Then I felt like I was melting from the inside out, like I could slip off the side and become one with the water.

I was hooked. I swam every day. If my friend was not home, I found a swimming pool somewhere else. Nothing was off limits. Hot tubs, bathtubs showers. I was the cleanest kid around.

As a sex coach, I have started to see clients in my home office and the phrase "Have you given yourself permission to be sexual" crosses my lips daily. I should really heed my own advice as I have taken that permission away from myself in the past months. When I was ready to become a sexual being again postpartum, I was intent on not losing myself in baby and ignoring my sexual relationship with my husband.

I found myself getting my intimacy and sensuality needs met by my baby and had to make a conscious decision to not abandon the intimacy in my relationship. It is hard work and I am exhausted all the time but i know my investment now will pay off later.

The past 3 months postpartum have been going so well, so smoothly. The baby has been sleeping all night and I felt really good with my sex life and relationship.

So as I move through this 4th trimester, I am slowly reclaiming my body as my own. Most of the baby weight is gone, and I am feeling quite normal. My breasts, however, seem to be in a territorial war. My newborn hangs out there nursing most of the day, my 5 year old has decided that she wants to hold them for comfort and my husband gets his turn when all the little people have left our bed. I have to say I love breast play and during most of my sexually active life I was one of those very lucky women who could come from nipple stimulation alone.

I have always felt very in tune with my body. I can feel ovulation happening each month, and when conception happened I remember saying to my husband " something is happening inside my body, I have this strange flow of energy coursing through me. I think I'm pregnant". I trust what my body tells me and at this point it is telling me I am ready to have sex again.

The transition from sexual being to pregnancy and childbirth is a long and rewarding journey. What does the road look like on the way back to reclaiming my body as a sexual being...here is my journey.

I used to think I was confident in my sexuality and my body, and then I had my daughter. That was 5 years ago and I have just given birth to my second child, a beautiful boy. I am amazed and in awe of how I have changed sexually and the power my body holds since becoming a mother. I felt my most confident sexually when I was pregnant; proud of the life I was nurturing in my womb and wanting to show off my full breasts and expanding abdomen.