Shame is a Sharp Tool

Thu, 10/03/2013 - 16:32
Submitted by Lawrence Lanoff

Here’s the difficult thing about what I’m about to say: I’ve come to this conclusion through observation. That’s what’s difficult for me. I didn’t come up with some theory and then set out to prove it. Instead, I have observed.

I hate what I have observed. Because it’s a situation where the people who are arguing for their deeply held beliefs about sex, don’t realize the repercussions of what they believe. And what they believe is that there is something inherently wrong with female sexuality.

As I said, ask most women on the street if they feel shame in their bodies, they may consciously say “no.” But shame is a sharp tool. A psychological razor blade that has cut the clits of many women - not physically - but psychologically.

In my personal practice, workshops and sessions, I see women who are not at all “in their bodies.” In other words, there is a chronic disassociation for so many women with their bodies. Often times it's a complete disconnect from their pleasure - that pretends to be "something good," or even spiritual.

In fact, in many cases, pleasure is like a distant island in the middle of the pacific women once heard about. It’s a great idea for the conscious mind to think about, but when it comes to practice, there is a huge ocean of numbness from where they personally reside - to the island of pleasure.

This is why I have come to say, that in parts of the world, they do still practice physical clitorectomies. But in America, we practice psychological clitorectomies. Christianity is the dominant delivery system here in America. It pretends to be tolerant and non-judgemental, but when it comes to a woman’s pussy - well that’s a much different story. Suddenly shame is thrown around like mud in a pig pen on a hot summer day.

Slut. Whore. Or worse. These terms, which each imply the dangers of empowered female sexuality, have cut away at our ability to experience vast amounts of pleasure in our lives. And everybody loses.

Culture, in saying “NO” to empowered female sexuality inadvertently says yes to fear, violence, oppression and ignorance. Women begin to police one another’s sexuality. People believe they are “saving” women from earthly desires that threaten to pull them into the fires of hell.

However, in my experience, the “fires of hell” is really just a metaphor for female sexuality. Pleasure is bad. Sex is bad. Sweat, sensuality, fire, passion, freedom – these are all bad in that they lead to an expression of the “lower self”, the animal self which, we are told by Christianity, is to be overcome.

So the very drive of all life, sex, is to be transcended, overcome and lifted up to heaven. And by doing so, we cut ourselves off from our sex, our passion, our freedom, effectively rendering a psychological clitorectomy to women in America.

The way out of this is in questioning our beliefs about sex. Because, one way or another, all beliefs are lies. Lies projected on the mystery of life to make us feel safer, purposeful, and with direction. The direction is heaven. Pleasureless heaven, no doubt.

Frankly, I don’t really care what people believe. But I do care deeply about the men and women who want to hack their beliefs about sex. Who wants to take their cocks and clits back from a society that is deeply entrenched itself into their mind and bodies in the name of salvation.

Our beliefs about our bodies and our pleasure can be hacked. Changes can be made. I’ve been teaching people to do this for nearly 30 years. It ain’t easy it’s not always fun, but it can be done.

First, however, we have to become aware of what’s actually happening. Because what’s actually happening is that Christianity has slowly been stealing our ability to experience orgasmic freedom and genital self worth for centuries now. And it continues unabated.

Once we see that, there is hope for change. Because change begins with our ability to question our inherited beliefs, and realize that it’s at least possible that our deepest held beliefs about sex and salvation maybe incorrect. Once we can accept this idea, then there is a chance that we can begin rebuilding our ability to feel in our bodies - free of shame - and in touch with the potential of our genital self worth.

President of Pleasure. Buster of shame and myths.

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Slut-shaming is all about

Thu, 10/03/2013 - 19:07
tomjones (not verified)

Slut-shaming is all about power play, usual men trying to control women. Quite simply, men want sex, women chose whether to give it (women can have sex with any man they want, men can have sex only with women who will let them).
Since men have an enormous ego, they react in the only way they know how, in an attempt to restore the balance of power. If a woman won't have sex with a man, then the man can try and ensure she won't have sex with anyone, except perhap him.
Sadly, many men and women are happy to slut-shame women in an attempt to boost their status. If a woman is designated a slut, then the slut-shamer is obviously not a slut, and more desirable.
Slut-shaming is bullying. Tabloid newspapers do it to sell more copies, by publishing solacious stories under the guise of slut-shaming the sinner. Schoolkids do it, because they are immature.
The only way to stand up to slut-shaming is to turn the other cheek, and take a leaf out of the book of Cyrano de Bergerac and his big nose! See Steve Martin's portrayal in Roxanne.

Well said!

Thu, 10/03/2013 - 22:55
T. (not verified)

I did not realize how psychologically "de-clit-ed" I am/was until fairly recently.  I have the most amazing, patient boyfriend who (although it took him some time to get to this place) helped me to go from feeling indifferent towards sex, at times hating it, to loving it.  And the more pleasure I experience, the better, the more free I feel. 

Female sexuality

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 13:37
Tippy123 (not verified)

This is a powerful post. Thank you for writing it. 
In the beginning of my journey I decided to research "slut" so I knew at an intellectual level what it was. I found 2 books at the library; one was based on interviews with women who were labeled as sluts while in highschool. The other was a looking at it from a macro level; what are the attributes of the people who use the word and what are the attributes of the young women labeled.
It was heart-breaking. My key take away: There's no such thing as a slut. There are women who have been bullied and abused about female sexuality because women are disempowered in this area. 
It is definitely hate speech with a high cost. 

well done!

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 18:05
little jo (not verified)

I'm happy whenever onathor women gets empowered - I was de-clit-ed too :)

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