Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
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My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
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Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
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Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
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Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
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Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching and neo-male perspectives. |
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Lawrence Lanoff President of Pleasure, Tantric Master. Creator of Tantra-X University. |
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Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
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LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
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BorderReiver Restoring My Foreskin |
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Caitlin Bovard From the bible belt to under the belt |
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Caitlin Roberts Taking Back "Slut" |
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cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
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Christina Cicchelli |
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Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
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Dr. Lulu History & the Material Culture of Sex |
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Eric Francis Astrology & Adventure |
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Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
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Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
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jexhibitionism |
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Julia Emerald Philosophy, Sex and Freedom |
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Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
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carlisleorama |
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LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
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Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
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Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
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Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
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Miss Dirt Sex. Yoga. Feminism |
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Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
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The ED Coach Pa... Helping Men Regain Their Sexuality |
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Princess What would my mother say? |
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Scout Life...Parenting...Bodysex |
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VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, bisexual fetishist. |
Ok, I admit it. I’m angry.
I have been working all this month to rehabilitate a student of mine who was raised Catholic. She lives in Seattle, which is a progressive city. Yet in spite of her yearning to be open, sensual, and connected to others - the most basic of human needs - she is completely frozen in her mind and body, rendered helpless by her religious views of the world.
Actually, her religious views aren’t hers at all. They belong the church - and represent the Bible's take on sexuality, women, and the body.
These biblical beliefs can be boiled down to this; women are evil, sex is bad, and the body is naturally dirty.
Like so many of us, she justifies her sexual suppression, depression, and unhappiness by saying, “I’d rather be miserable and right, than happy and wrong.”
The inescapable realization has been coming to me over the years, after leading thousands of hours of groups, meditations, and counseling sessions, is that so many of our sexual, psychological, and spiritual stresses - one way or another - lead back to religious thinking.
And because sex begins in our brain, this means that billions of people are sexually, and emotionally disabled by their religious beliefs.
For example, I was speaking with a man about his being at his wife’s side during the delivery of their daughter. But when his child “got closer to actually coming out - I left”, he said, waving with his hands in front of his eyes, while turning away his head, as if trying to block the memory of his daughter’s head emerging like a bloody “evil eye.” For him, as for us, it is best to turn away.
It occurred to me in that moment; body shame begins at birth. We exit the womb out of “the dirty, place, down there.” It is literally a shame to be born.
In my Catholic friend’s case, she is so religiously disabled that she has no sex life, even though in her mind, she wants one. Her husband shames her when she brings up sex, insinuating that by wanting “just sex”, she’s nothing more than a whore. Her children received very little touch as well. She’s faithfully and unquestioningly passing along the religious doctrine of shame and guilt about the body to her kids - just like it was passed to her from her parents - and so on.
It is inevitable that the pursuit of sexual liberation will eventually lead us to question our beliefs, and I assert that is exactly the reason why religion is obsessed with thwarting our pleasure, and suppressing female sexuality. When we realize that the Bible is wrong about female pleasure, menstruation, and sex, then it could be wrong about a lot of other things as well.
We can summarize the idea like this; In order to be a faithful believer, we must pretend to not see the things that - given the preponderance of evidence - we should see. Instead of being simply deceived by delusional, yet well intending religious leaders, we inflict the final deception upon ourselves.
Perhaps, if we can begin to admit our wrongness about our ideas of a sex-hating, punishing god, then we have a chance to become free. We have a chance to become more and more sex positive, which in turn makes it harder to justify the mental, emotional, and physical abuse that a punishing God heaps upon us for the simple act of feeling good in our tender, beautiful bodies.
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I am so glad that I was
I am so glad that I was raised in a house free from religion and sexual guilt or shame.
Unfair Accusations
Hello,
I just wanted to comment that while the Bible makes these claims, it is not the overall view of all Christians. My best friend is a Christian and she is the most sex-positive, pro-sex woman I know. I'm sorry that your student had to/is going through this, that is unfair for anyone. However, to make statements on a religion, you are incorporating and generalizing all people within that religion. And I would also like to point out that the passages in the New Testament that talk about bodies being impure are not the words of Jesus, but that of Paul I believe. And to speak on religion in general is to ignore the Song of Solomon, Tantic Buddhism, and The Gitagovinda. Also, in Christian society all sins are equivalent. Therefore, your student should be more upset about all of the other "sins" she has committed.
For the Bible says?
I suggest you read the Song of Solomon. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
I was thinking about something similar a few days ago.
Personally, I find that sexuality brings us closer to our mortality and nature (which is everything but the megalomaniacal view of humans taught by religion) than anything else. I think religion keeps people from accepting the fact that humans are not really as exalted and above nature as we've been led to believe (once again by religion) and sexuality, if allowed to run freely, has the power to challenge that. This is also the reason why it's so dangerous to religion. And one of the reasons why I love it so. :-)
Me, too.
My family is predominantly Southern Baptist, but my parents didn't see fit to raise me with guilt and shame the way their parents did them. My mother's sister, however, passed that right along to my cousin and I truly feel bad for him.
As far as sex went, it wasn't looked down on or discouraged... It just wasn't ever discussed. It would have been had I ever given my parents a real reason to, I'm sure, but I didn't. I learned from other people and through my own self-discovery and research.
I'm not sure that it's religion itself. It's just that people are brought up to think they can't question it at all. I believe in God and some of what's in the Bible, but not everything is as black-and-white as they make it seem and you have to weigh the pros and cons of your actions no matter what, so I'm not sure why people use their religion as a front for their own hangups and fears. I don't know, maybe it's because I didn't go to church as a kid yet was taught to have faith of some kind. I look at it from both ends. On the one hand, nothing can shake my faith that there is something waiting for me when I die, though I'm not sure what. On the other, I don't beleive in letting rules that were written by someone who died 2000+ years ago destroy all my chances for happiness.
I too have been watching and
I too have been watching and delving into someone elses Catholic guilt in regards to sexuality.
I met this wonderfull guy, and after a 2 year online friendship/sexual awakening for him, I travelled to austraia to meet him.. The entire trip was marred by his frozen, guilt laden background. He couldnt touch me, and started having anxiety attacks because of his torn emotions on the subject. Being raised to believe that anything sexual is a dirty secret, which is never talked about.
I love this man, and Im willing to help him through this if he wants me to, but that parents (society even)can and do, do this to their children makes me very sad.
Me too!
This is almost exactly my story (I have since evolved to a pretty sensual agnostic, though sometimes still struggling with my past), and certainly my sister's story. Though in our case the body hate was increased by a medicalized, disease-avoidance-centered worldview... Thanks for bringing it up.
Just want to add that the *historical* Jesus was a person who clearly didn't mind enjoying physical life - he's called a "glutton and drunkard" by the pharisees someplace in the Bible, he had enough social outcasts, including prostitutes, among his friends, and I almost believe he was gay or bisexual, what with the "disciple that He loved" and Mary Magdalene...
Thank you so much for posting this!!!
While my blog addresses the ridding/questioning of religion, this blog post is a MUCH needed subject. Keep on getting the word out, and best wishes for much success!!!
The guilt and shame caused by religion are abhorrent, and while you are kind to the "leaders," I believe them to be arrogant sociopaths with a bit of schizophrenia mixed in.
Questioning the "authorities" is something best done with open eyes, and open minds, because it will be something that reveals the true anger and control underneath all of the pretty frilly bullshit exterior.
Rev Jay Vincent Shore
http://absentcapacity.wordpress.com
(Absent Religion Blog)
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