Here’s a perfect reason to drop your conservative politics: lifelong happiness. A 75 year study finds several correlations between behaviors, beliefs and long term happiness. I’m all about cultivating happiness and well being in life, so I thought I would share the findings.
First, to nobody's surprise, it turns out that alcoholism sucks happiness, wellbeing and life from people. It’s a big contributor to early death.
Another finding indicates that intelligence above a certain level doesn’t matter regarding being happy. This finding I’m sure about since I have met so many incredibly intelligent people who are so damn stupid about so many things. Knowledge alone does not make people happy.
I’m writing this post to two friends who are at life crossroads. My first friend is a 69 year old man who recently met a woman whom he deeply loves. The problem he has is that he feels very “naturally” polyamorous. He wants occasional sex with other people. She, on the other hand wants to “go deep” with one person for the rest of her life. She wants “to discover the depth that’s possible with a lifetime of monogamy.”
This week, I attended a workshop lead by my friend Allison on pegging. The maligned and misunderstood subject was being filmed for a Swedish TV show - and featured adult performer Wolf Hudson as the pegee.
The afternoon shoot was informative and inspiring. Here’s why: Allison was deeply in tune and attentive to Wolf’s needs. And Wolf let himself be vulnerable and available to the experience. In watching the two communicate and interact, I clearly saw the importance of men learning how to receive penetration from a woman.
When we roll off the main road, it’s like entering a desert wonderland. Within an hour we are in another world. One inhabited by joshua trees, African mules and tiny desert creatures. Skies of blue and wisps of white dance overhead. We’ve been coming to this quiet paradise for years.
The road to paradise is hard. Really hard. It takes 3 hours to go 40 miles. When we finally crest the mountain ridge, the incredible dry lake bed valley looms below and suddenly it’s clear; this is no ordinary trip.
Many people, including the Catholic Church, believe that the highest form of human evolution is the transcendence of sex in the form of celibacy. But as Church sex scandals abound, the question we really need to ask is: is celibacy possible?
I’ll get back to this question in a moment, but first I want to explore what an ideal is. An ideal is a value principle that we pursue as a goal. We humans are interesting animals in the sense that many of us live our lives guided by ideals.
But ideals are based on the underlying myth of perfection – and perfection doesn’t actually exist. So ideals can be powerful motivators, yet they can also be completely out of touch with reality. This is because ideals are composed of thoughts – and thoughts are boundless and infinite.
Here’s what I see. Strong, powerful, amazing women, trying to find their way through the quagmire of female sexuality in America. It’s confusing. I get it. Women are trying to figure out how to thrive in a world filled with conflicting signals about how female sexuality “should be” expressed.
I spent the weekend with an elite Internet marketing group. There are many powerful women who are members. They’re running businesses, making a ton of money and leading employees. And many have a similar issue: No sex. But why no sex?
Because women have been duped.
I’m currently sitting at a restaurant near The Pentagon writing this blog. I just had the most amazing discussion with an ultra conservative, right wing, Born Again Christian, fundamentalist Special Ops, military guy (that’s how he described himself). He sat at the table next to me at dinner and began chatting about 9/11. We discussed where we each were at the time.
He asked what my background was, where I’m from, and was asking about my relationship. I’ll explain more about that in a minute. But this is where it get’s interesting. My girlfriend and I have been in an open relationship since our relationship began, some 5 + years ago.
My girlfriend and I were watching the season premiere of The Amazing Race last night. While I slept, my unconscious churned on an issue that’s been on my mind for a while. It’s something that’s been bothering me since I heard David Deida speak in December, and listened helplessly as he relentlessly rehashed his 1950’s ideas about masculine and feminine energy.
On the heels of The President’s State of The Union address, I wanted to speak today about The Sexual State of The Union.
As far as sexual rights go, I am literally overwhelmed by the continued war that wages against women and their vaginas. I had hoped that with a democratic President, we would find a way to ease the continual womb pressure exerted on women.
Everyday, some outspoken fool, referencing morality, tries to deny science, research and reality. I totally get it. By not giving into reality, we can keep our flimsy beliefs intact. To acknowledge reality is to call into question the very core of our “faith.”
It is a twisted form of logic, one that potentially imprisons female victims of incest and rape for having abortions, that is behind state Rep. Cathrynn Brown’s (R) House Bill 206. In classic double-speak, Brown says she introduced the bill as a way “protecting women” across the state of New Mexico.
Basically the bill insists that women must carry the fetus of their rapist or incestual abuser to full term - otherwise it will be deemed intent to destroy evidence of a crime. And that is a felony punishable by up to three years in prison. It’s hard to believe that the war against women can wage on in such an egregious manner.
We can always be our own worst critics. However, recent studies show that being hyper-critical of ourselves can be detrimental to our health.
So now I’m going to let you in on a secret. My biggest spiritual insight over the last decade was in realizing the value and importance of self compassion. There’s a lot of psudo spiritual talk in our culture about granting others compassion and non-judgementalness – but what about self-compassion?
We can transform our core life wounds into gold using the elements of self compassion.
Friday night I was eating at my favorite late night Hollywood Thai dive. Next to me was a table of Thai boys. Very gay Thai boys meeting up after the clubs closed. And I thought to myself, “how beautiful it is that gayness expresses itself across global cultures.”
I felt warm inside that Thai gay boys had found ways to connect in Los Angeles - thousands of miles away from home - and light years away from their native culture. They had found community and home in L.A.
Yet something had been gnawing at me all week because last week the Pope came out with his annual Christmas speech and spoke a bunch of drivel about gay folks.
Basically, The Pope believes that gay people are tossing off their “god given” gender identities to choose being gay - and specifically go against God.
It’s Christmas time. You know what that means? It means it’s time for the de-bunker to call-out Santa. Hey, at least I'm an equal opportunity myth de-bunker.
So, here’s the problem with all myths - they pose as cute little, seemingly innocuous stories. However, they are anything but that.
The real story of Santa Claus is one that trains children in black and white, punishment reward thinking - violent thinking.
I was working with a client this morning who sees herself as neither religious nor judgemental. However, when I really broke her thoughts down so she could see them, it was clear her thinking was black and white, polarizing, and violent to her well being.
I was talking to my girlfriend about the end of the world. She’s visiting family across the country and I’m in LA. She said, if the Mayan’s really were right, that we would each start driving across the country and meet in the middle and kiss just before the world ends...
And then it hit me.
We have it all wrong, this whole anti-sex, Armageddon thing. If the world was really going to end (it’s not- it’s a metawhore) then we would race across the country, meet in the middle, and have hot, passionate, wild, screaming, (the world is ending peeps, c’mon) sex with total abandon. And as the world was ending, we would be cumming.
It’s been a while since I've blogged. I’m balls deep in the cave writing my latest book. But I had to come out of the cave to make the most public statement I can make here on Dodson and Ross.
Are you ready? The world will still be here on the 22nd of December 2012. It will also be here on the 1st of January 2013. And it will also be here a long after the people who make these empty predictions come and go.
It’s not that you won’t die. You will. So will I. The mistake we make is in thinking that the universe gives a shit about you and me. It doesn’t. We are not that important from a universal perspective. In fact, regardless of the lies we tell ourselves, we are not important at all - and I’m perfectly OK with that.