Can you force sexual attraction? Or rather, can you get past the lack of it? I remember reading Betty’s memoir, and when she got past the idea of needing to find someone sexually attractive to fuck them, that really struck me. An ugly person can be a good lover.
So, I haven’t blogged since the end of January. But that’s basically because nothing has happened. I haven’t had sex, had a date, kissed anyone, held hands or even played footsie. The guy I liked is apparently moving away, and his roommate is staying and has a crush on me. Now I didn’t have that immediate sexual connection with the roommate. But can I get past that? I don’t find him repulsive. We have a lot in common. We can easily strike up conversation, get along, understand the same in-jokes, and it’s pretty obvious he has a crush on me.
So, to fuck him or not to fuck him? There’s basically one other competitor. Someone I’m more sexually attracted to, but less attracted to personality/humour-wise. Plus, this roommate guy (let’s be honest, this is kind of important) has more money. He could provide more and doesn’t mind spending money on a poor student like me. And hey, I need it. There’s no way I could afford to go out drinking like they do all the time and chip in an equal amount.
So I mean, let’s get serious. I’m sick to death of being a 23-year old virgin. I don’t like being alone all the time. I want someone to cuddle with, make star trek references and video games jokes with, surf reddit with, and yeah, someone to fuck and make out with. Does that necessarily have to be someone I find irresistibly attractive? Or does it just have to be someone smart, witty and local who finds me irresistible? I’m not sure yet. But thankfully he does seem like the kind of person that would let me get away with being non-monogamous. I certainly don’t think I could give up the idea of making out with/taking home hot women just because I’m dating a guy.
I guess I’ll just have to keep you guys filled in. I wish I could figure myself out, but I guess there’s no shortcut to that - I’ll just have to go through the same trials and errors as everyone else. Wish me luck..