She Brought Us Love Without Limits

Thu, 08/20/2015 - 14:59
Submitted by Anonymous

My first experience with Deb Anapol was live on Radio Woodstock in September of 1996. I was the host of an astrology-related discussion program broadcast at 11 pm each Sunday night. She was based in San Francisco, connected by phone. It was very nearly big-time radio, broadcast through a large region of New York City’s northern suburbs known as the Hudson Valley.

Deborah Taj Anapol and one of her friendly Buddhas.

I’d heard of Deb a few weeks earlier at my first-ever Loving More conference. There I met a guy named Jerry, one of her boyfriends. He told me about the Celebration of Sacred Sexuality that would be coming up in a few weeks, at Harbin Hot Springs. There would be 40 tantra teachers (as he put it) and lots of other people. He said the word Harbin almost religiously, as if it were the name of a saint.

I said I wanted to be a presenter and he assured me that would not happen; I should just come and feel it out.

After Loving More, I reached out to Deb by the then just catching on new thing, email. I invited her onto Radio Woodstock. That’s my idea of an astrology program. Our first conversation was being broadcast to thousands of people — about sex, polyamory, the upcoming conference, and my reading of the astrology of that conference, that is, the aspects of that weekend and what themes they raised.

The next day she called me and invited me to be her keynote speaker, asking specifically for an astrological theme. I happily accepted, and booked a flight to San Francisco. I don’t remember how I got up to Harbin, but I did indeed arrive, for my initiation experience of that place, and of Taj and of being a keynote speaker and a few other things.

The conference was erotic summer camp with open sleeping arrangements. The various lodges at Harbin have that feeling, though at that moment I just knew anything could happen that weekend. I remember seeing Jerry, who gave me that ‘good going, kid’ look.

It was very early autumn and the weather was fresh and inviting. The conference was just fun — tantra and polyamory in that easygoing California style of the mid-1990s. After a few hours and dinner, the conference gathered in the main lodge for the opening bit, which consisted of Taj welcoming everyone, a kind of puja ritual with some of her goddess girls, and then, inviting me up to the microphone.

There, I basically gave a free-verse channeling of Chiron square Uranus called “Leaping Across the Sky.” The astrology fit the event beautifully — Chiron, the planet of healing, in Scorpio, the sign of sex and death; aspecting Uranus in Aquarius, which felt like some kind of revolutionary gathering.

The talk seemed to take a minute, and can still feel the energy of my presentation. The visuals are a blur. Thankfully I commemorated it in an article, saved for posterity now 19 years later. People loved my talk, I was suddenly friends with everyone, and I plunged into the conference with its many very pretty creatures, who were all emanating a kind of magnetism that I had never felt before. Momentary eye contact with each or any of them was a sexual experience of a different flavor.

The next day were various workshops. I can never stay in one for long, so I roamed around, catching parts of each one. Toward the end of one session I walked into the main lodge, where there was a workshop called Extended Female Orgasm, featuring one woman having the experience, and a dense little bowl-shaped audience of people sitting around her, with Taj and the subject’s partner right there, sitting on the floor holding her.

I watched her experience a seemingly endless state of ecstasy, being guided to maneuver in her body various ways as she swam in a continuous space of release. It was the most attentive audience I’d ever seen or felt. Gradually they brought the demonstration subject back to Earth.

That event set the feeling tone of the evening.

The Saturday night activity was being called a marimba party. There was a 10-piece band and a lot of people dancing. However, this was not your ordinary dance party, as it had an orgy going on simultaneously. The two events were overlaid by some quantum phenomenon — dancing and music and group sex arranged somewhat randomly in a nice large space. At some point I became friends with a woman who was wearing a sarong and nothing else except a large silver pendant emanating the gaze of Isis. Some time during the day I had given up ordinary clothing for a sarong and tee shirt.

I could tell she liked me, in part by how much I liked her. She had the most easygoing beauty, like afternoon sunlight, a deep tan, beautiful little tits and a delicious mouth, which I was tasting as we knelt in front of one another somewhere on the dance floor as the party swirled around us. She explained that she was bisexual, which she looked in that distinct way that I can sometimes see; a certain way of carrying her gender that was feminine and androgynous and open to experience.

We were soon exploring one another, smelling and tasting and feeling. At some point we paused and she explained that she was married but had a hall pass to come to the conference and do some sexual things within certain boundaries, which included us kneeling facing one another masturbating, in this stunning moment of transcendent freedom — face to face with her in the midst of about 100 people dancing and having sex in various configurations, and the marimba band playing to one side of the room. This was mingled with making out with her some more, hugging, smelling her hair, and her breasts, and licking her sweat, and tasting her mouth again…lots of fun.

At one end of the room was a low platform; like a small, carpeted stage. There were two women and a man up there, giving people pleasure treatments one by one. Anyone could go up there, relax and be treated to whatever fantasy they wanted. We watched this enraptured. Eventually there were no people who wanted a turn — and I knew that was my invitation. Somehow I had been carrying around a dildo, one that Betty Dodson had given me in exchange for an astrology reading a few months earlier. It was one of those heavy clear plastic ones called the Venus. I was very new to astrological work but I seemed to be blending in with the sexpositive movement nicely.

My desire was to be fucked with that dildo on that stage. Which is exactly what happened. The party swirled in the rhythms of music, dancing and sex play. I was shorn of my sarong and tee shirt, and asked to lay back on some pillows. My yummy bisexual lady friend was about to watch me have an experience, and she sat with her feet tucked under her a bit back from the stage. I have no idea who else was watching. My knees were drawn back and apart, and someone, I’m not sure who, slipped the lube-soaked dildo into my body. I relaxed around it, and breathed into the experience. I looked up and my friend was still there watching, feeling, being present and attentive.

A while earlier Jerry had handed me half a hash brownie, the slow acting type, which was now taking effect at full strength. I moaned and melted and received as these three tantrikas worked with me, on me, offering to me, stroking my hair and encouraging me to relax evermore. I was dimly aware of the many people in the room, and of being entirely out in the open. I felt truly naked, stretched wide and gradually fucked more intently, expertly, lovingly, as I moaned out my feelings and experienced the most vivid lack of inhibition I had ever felt. They how to make this feel endless.

My cock was hard and now someone, I don’t know which of the three people with me, was massaging me, fucking my cock with her or was it his hand, drawing me out, as one of the women held me and gazed into my eyes. I was gradually guided, ever so intentionally, to ejaculation. I felt like I was going to orgasm from being fucked, then felt that some more, and then I realized that was what was happening — the bulbs of the dildo were playing against my prostate and I released myself into a gush of submission to my own existence, spouting and vocalizing my dreamlike ecstasy.

My chest was covered in my semen. The woman who was eye-gazing me gathered some on her fingers and put it in my mouth. Then she did it again, and again, until she had fed me most of my ejaculation. I sucked myself in and melted into affirmation of life.

When my awareness came back into the room, the party had settled down some. My bisexual friend had disappeared. My guides on the little stage sat me up, and wrapped me in my sarong, and I stepped back into the party with wet streaks on my belly and chest, and my mouth wet with myself.

I had discovered many things, including Deborah Anapol’s talent for putting on an orgy. She was like Lady Galadriel with her ring, working the elf group sex magic from behind the scenes. Of all her many talents, the Saturday night sex party at any of her workshops was one of her most fun.

I propose a Saturday night orgy in her honor.

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Is 'love without limits' sex without limits?

Fri, 08/21/2015 - 16:52

I have just read Eric's piece and I find myself somewhere in between bemused and baffled. For me, it was like landing on a parallel Earth, something like our own world but where the rules of sexual engagement are not those of the planet we know. This might be a good thing depending on the circumstances, but it also might not. I'm not quite sure what I think, honestly. I believe in autonomy and in freedom and in sex positivity, but I also believe in appropriate personal boundaries and in fidelity and in being responsible when we share bodily fluids. Love without limits, to me, means compassion without limits. This might include sharing sexual pleasure, but it might also include passing on sex when it's not clear that sexual contact would really be in everyone's best interest. When multiple strangers are involved, many of whom have a long history of multiple partners, determining everyone's psychological and medical safety would be very, very tricky.

Yeah, I have always found it

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 10:29
Anonymous46 (not verified)

Yeah, I have always found it interesting that those who use the argument that sex and love have nothing to do with each other when faced with criticisms by monogamists turn around and call their sex orgies "love without boundaries."  It's just sex.  Sex with strangers is just sex.  Sex without boundaries....if people really understood the energetic/spiritual consequences of merging energy fields through orgasms with random people, they would think twice...actually, it wouldn't even require a second thought. 


Sat, 08/22/2015 - 12:13


Eric's world is not my world. I'm okay with that. Different people make different choices and value different experiences. The world would be a very dull place if we were all the same.

Group sex with strangers, even loving group sex with hash cookies, is never going to be my cup of tea. I'm always going to worry too much about whether the next time I see them will be in the school playground, or whether they've flossed their teeth/washed their fannies/ told their partners (or not) whatever...

Maybe I'm just too fundamentally lacking in trust to accept that the adults involved are responsible enough for their own actions, and have taken all reasonable steps to ensure the health and well-being of participants. Without that level of trust, how could anyone relax and enjoy such events.

But it does feel as though with such a large and wonderful world around us, we should all be free and able to find a place among friends where we can be accepted for who we are and what we want to do with each other -  subject to the normal everyday caveats around consent & obviously not imposing our value system on other people. My lack of trust shouldn't get to stop other people making different choices and enjoying them.

Monogamy and patriarchy are very much systems that are imposed upon people in our everyday life. And maybe some of us are okay with the monogamy part of the system (albeit increasingly a serial proposition). Some people won't be happy.

For those people wanting something different, someone presumably like Eric, then I can be happy that he had a great, positive experience whilst standing at the dodsonandross window looking through, bemused and amazed at how different we all can be.

Bemused and amazed

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 01:58


I do see what you're saying. We're all different, and that's a good thing. I can't defend forcible monogamy, though I've made monogamy my voluntary choice, and of course patriarchy (or any other 'archy') is indefensible.

So there can be a lot of good and considerable interest in going beyond conventional limits. The question I have to ask about Eric's experiences is what limits were bypassed during that weekend, and in what ways was the bypassing process positive and in what ways questionable?

His weekend was vastly different from anything I've experienced, so that's the first hurdle I face when I try to contemplate his account. Everyone was there voluntarily, so everything that took place was consensual. That's a good start. But then I struggle. I've never used recreational drugs, so I can't gauge what effect the hash cookies would have had on somebody's 'endless state of ecstasy'---probably the hash did have something to do with that prolonged 'transcendent' feeling, but is that love or is it the drugs talking? Then I must admit that I don't get the concept of dozens of naked people blending into an amorphous mass of sexualized humanity. (At least, that's the image I conjured up; I'm sure it didn't seem like that to the participants). I don't think this is immoral per se, but I do think that we have to have appropriate personal boundaries and I'm not sure how this would be possible in such a group. Also, probably one of the last things I'd ever want is for some unknown person to insert a large object up my bum while being watched by strangers, whether they were 'beautiful creatures' or not. I realize that I'm describing my imagined reaction to what Eric experienced and that Eric had a very different take, which no doubt explains why he found that weekend enjoyable and why I have never tried anything similar and am glad of it.  Finally I do wonder how much unquestioning trust we ought to have in such a group situation, and at what point that trust become reckless.

Well, I'm as bemused as ever. Eric gave us a glimpse into a world that's obviously familiar to a certain segment of humanity, but not to you or me. To each her own, but let's let good sense, compassion, and responsibility be our guides.


Sun, 08/23/2015 - 04:20

You just made me laugh out loud. At some level isn't sex ridiculous, especially the sex of strangers, the "other" people with different wants and desires?

I too cannot imagine anything less seductive(?) enjoyable (?) than having a large object stuck up my bottom by strangers. If I were to imagine and describe such a thing, the scene would rapidly descend into farce. How could a person not be nervous? Surely there would be some involuntary muscle spasm involving the object getting stuck and requiring a trip to A&E?

And none of this changes tha fact thatwe can be truly glad that Eric had a good time and would absolutely defend his and everyone else's right to enjoy their bodies in the way they see fit. As you say, to each their own...

The Two of You are Adorable!

Betty Dodson's picture
Sun, 08/23/2015 - 12:53
Betty Dodson

NLH and Patrick, this website and my role in it would not exist if it weren't for what I learned during my groupsex experiences throughout the 60's and 70's. Not only did I learn to trust other people but more importantly I learned I could tust myself and become far more vulnerable and willing to  embrace new experiences.

That "large object stuck up his bottom by strangers" was an artfully designed dildo that made contact with prostate glands when well lubricated and gently introduced into either a receptive anus or vagina by consenting adults. I know this sounds bizarre to monogamists but we must remember (as you both do) there will always be different stokes for different folks. Even early Christianity had sex in groups as did Bachaccus of Greek Mythology, Roman Emperors and ancient celebrations of the Rites of Spring along with Witches Covens of women healers and the Temple of Isis where women learned to practice the healing arts of sexual pleasure as Temple Prosititutes.

For me, what Debrorah taught was very close to how I've lived my life by expanding my idea of "intimacy" both emotional, sexual as well as spiritual. Why should we limit love, sex, art or any other form of creatifity? Ain't life grand? 

Dr Betty and NLH . . .

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 16:58

Well, you're both so right. I would be very uncomfortable stripping off and having sex or masturbating in front of total strangers, but we can all be glad that Dr Betty, Carlin, and the women in their Bodysex groups and videos feel free to do what they do. I've long wondered what sex was like millenia ago, when it was still regarded as sacred, fun, and perfectly natural. The 'Sacred Sex' healers in the United States have been persecuted, which I've always found to be a terrible injustice since they were sincerely trying to do good.

These days, however, STDs mean that group sex probably can't be the relatively carefree experience it once was. That would be the most important reason for limiting sexual contact with large numbers of strangers. Even if we trust them, they might have had past partners who weren't trustworthy. But most of us could probably do with a bit more trust and a bit less inhibition.

Sex really can be a bit silly, can't it? It would probably look quite mysterious to the proverbial 'visitors from another planet'. I'm relieved, Dr Betty, that Eric's dildo was artfully designed, but it still wouldn't be for me. I have had a couple of colonoscopies but I was unconscious at the time, which in my opinion is absolutely the way to go if you simply must have an object inserted up your bottom by strangers.

I don't know anyone quite like Deborah, but she seems to have been a remarkable person. Even as we know we differ from one another, we can certainly marvel at, and learn from, those differences.