Recently I was reminded of one of the most important mindful-based skills in good kissing: not letting your saliva overwhelm your partner. This is particularly common in men because often with visual sexual attraction and turn on to a hot female body or face, he starts salivating. There are moments when this is okay, but also it can be a big turn off for women.
Looking back at my experience, this was one of the things I've been unconscious of and been called out on. I've heard women I've not been involved with mention it too based on their own experience. However, this extra salivation is a good sign. It means he's viscerally into you. How many times do we hear the female desire for a man to be into her? This is one of those biological signs. I've heard some sex educators strongly advocate forms of sex where abandon and control has been thrown to the four winds and it's all animal. There's nothing wrong with that, but what is not taken into account is timing and where a given woman is with that sex mode. Does she crave that or only when she's on the same page or never?
Most of the time you have to be slightly removed from tear-her-clothes-off mode so you can monitor your saliva output and swallow some here and there while you're making out, particularly in the beginning. It may change over into her wanting to non-stop roll tongues all over during some hot missionary. It may not. This brings me to one of the advantages of being with a partner long term is you find out their nuances. It's the reason I give to the contrary during discussions with people who say the first sex is best.
This reminds me of Tantra books I've read in the past where they encourage couples to reach a place where they are freely flowing with saliva, hers and his. To see it as drinking the other person in. It's also a goal to work toward to rid one's self of sexual barriers and repression of firey forms of sex. There is truth to those words. I agree with them. However, for many that's more easily said than done. It is a more advanced form of sexual mindset and enjoyment to be built up to and enjoyed in time.
Chemistry also is an issue here. When a woman loves the way her man smells and tastes, this is much easier. That's one thing the Tantra books left out. The relevant science of mating. You know, the more a woman loves his smell the more varied their immune systems are so that if they make babies, they'll be stronger due to genetic diversity. I can imagine so many marriages happening now and especially back in the day when the first time you were sexual with a mate was on your wedding night. She could forget about breaking up with him, "Because we didn't have chemistry."
The way I like to stay in ravish mode while self-monitoring saliva is to imagine that the saliva isn't just one way. I imagine I'm drinking her in too. To drink, you have to pause to swallow. Even if it's mostly my saliva, the sexy mind trick still works. Women can salivate over their men too, especially for the scent of his three piece set. Women I've met who get wet from going down on a guy love the intimacy she has with his penis then and if she loves it, it's a nearly identical feeling to the urgency we feel with french kissing: you just want that person in your mouth. His smell can often be a part of that too. Women are also more likely to want to drink him in, one way or the other, during ovulation as well.
I teach how to combine intercourse with the deepest non-stop french kissing, upon request, in my sex life coaching sessions. Part of what's in this blog is center stage therein. What's interesting is how it can be an art to intermingle kissing skill with penetration sexual skills to greatest effect.
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