D&R Recommends

1-800-EROTICA
Free Gift and 50% off one item at Adam & Eve
Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Tags › love ›

Does Love Make Sex Better?

Posted January 20th by Eric Amaranth
in

Dear Eric,

Since you are considered an expert on these matters, i had wanted to ask you whether or not, based on your own opinion, you thought love (or being in a 'serious relationship') enhances sex...whether or not you think it brings a heightened level to the experience, etc.

Because in my experience, it doesn't, and this runs counter to what society seems to tell us. But hey, this is something i can ask you about another time perhaps, maybe over a drink one of these days.

Thanks Eric, take care!

Rachel.

Hi Rachel,

I accept the drink invite :)

I'm not a relationship coach/therapist and love means so many different things to different people/couples. Here's my position: I know I can make love to someone and that is a distinct kind of sex that for many is amazing and powerful. People in love will trust each other more easily usually, so sometimes building your sexlife happens faster. Bottom line, I believe, right now, that love is a huge boon to creating connection to your sex partner and connection plus strong sexual skills is very often better than one or the other. Simple example, you love the man going down on you and he's really good at it, then the whole thing will be a better total experience. Will the physical sex be any different than if you didnt love him? No. Will the guy be connected to you while he's doing his physical attentions? Possibly. He can love you and that connection perse can sometimes be present and other times not. Now is it always better if they're in love with you but not connected in that instance? That's an example of where the wonderous complexities enter in.

Talking about love is frequently diaphanous. I think love can be nurtured via appreciation for another and good sex is a great contributing piece to that. And, I don't agree with those that believe that sex should only be had in that in-love state. Sexuality is more multi-faceted than that. -E.A

 

To set up a sex coaching appointment via phone, skype, or in-person with Eric, send an email, call or send a fax to our automated system: 1-866-877-9676.

Eric Amaranth's Writings.

Eric Amaranth's Bio and Feature Article in Marie Claire Magazine.

Submit your sex question to Eric.

Follow Eric Amaranth on Twitter

Join Eric Amaranth's Facebook Page

Technorati Tags:

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

sex within love

Submitted by notjustpeachy (not verified) on Wed, 01/21/2009 - 20:11.

I wanted to share my experience about sex within a loving relationship.

I believe that sex is whatever it is. The experience is what people bring to it. I think this is easier when you know someone well and trust them with your more of yourself. If you are free to be who you are, sex tends to be open and authentic. This usually happens when both people are free to express their likes and dislikes and their fantasies or desires. I think these are more likely to be ingredients in a love relationship whether with a good friend or within a partnership.

I have had the experience of making love and it was totally different from having sex. It has only happened on a couple of occassions dispite being in a committed relationship for several years. It was that kind of awe inspiring, miraculous, transcending kind of experience that can hardly be described. It was like something deeper than our physical selves connected. I think we had been involved in the experience for a couple of hours when we both orgasmed and had been watching each other and had felt so connected. It was so amazing. I felt so peaceful and wonderful and the look on my husband's face was unforgettable. He looked so softened and vulnerable. I knew we had both experienced an incredible connection that happened to be facilitated by our bodies in a very intense way.

Sex can meet many different needs at different times, but when it comes to a meeting a need to connect and sex is the conduit, then being with someone you love can feel like a more satisfying experience.

Sex Within Love

Submitted by Anonymous User (not verified) on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 19:26.

If you focus on just the aspects of another person that you really like and appreciate--even if it is only one or two things that you like--rather than focusing on the things you don't like about that person, then you only feel appreciation. In that state of appreciation, both sex and love join together.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
You can change the default for this field in "Comment follow-up notification settings" on your account edit page.
CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
6 + 3 =
Solve this simple math problem and enter the result. E.g. for 1+3, enter 4.