Many Guys Aren’t Sure What to do Other Than Intercourse or Oral Sex

Wed, 09/18/2013 - 10:28
Submitted by The ED Coach Pa...

Bad sex is pandemic. It’s overwhelming at times how much bad sex is going on.

Every day I sit down with guys who tell me the same story. Something isn’t working. It’s always a combination of causes. But the underlying cause of it all is somewhere, somehow, someone spread a lot of rules about sex (really bad rules) that sex is a hard penis in a vagina (or any other orifice). Women are supposed to crave it; men can base their self-esteem on how long they can keep it there.

Part of the problem is that many guys aren’t sure what to do other than intercourse or oral sex. This is where the woman has a fantastic opportunity to teach – but for many reasons, many women continue to have sex by the same bad rules.

This is a letter I wrote this morning to a 37 year old guy who was having performance issues. He watches a lot of porn and he can stay hard. With his wife, he loses his erection. I could photocopy this letter and give it out to most of my guys.

Dear Bob,

First off glad you wrote to me and glad you're seeking help. There are a lot of clues in your note which means there is an awful lot to cover. But you need to become a student of your body and a student of sex.

First you need to find a good male sex medicine specialist. NOT a garden variety urologist. You need to figure out the underlying medical issue - sexual issues can be sign of a major problem on the horizon. What is your testosterone level - and never accept "normal" as an answer. What is the number? Second, what does your blood work up look like? Cholesterol etc? Get a good doc help you figure out what's going on.

Second, sexually. Ease up on the porn. It's screwing with your mind, whether you know it or not. And Porn is NOT a documentary! Stop with missionary position. Get a cock ring. Stop focusing on intercourse. Unless you are TRYING to get pregnant, stop caring where you come. Does it really mean that much to come inside her? Who made that stupid rule up? Sex is not about an orgasm anyway. Sex is like a cruise - you don't just sit on the boat waiting to get to the destination. The trip itself is the point. Sex is the same way.

And news flash...if she is like many women, your penis in her vagina is somewhere near the bottom of her list of favorite things to do. If she really, really wants penetration, get a toy. It will take the pressure off you. Don't be threatened by it...how much fun will she have if you are penetrating with a toy while doing oral on her?

Start by having at least one night of week of sex with NO penetration; erotic massage, toys, oral...stop the chatter in the back of your head and stop monitoring yourself. That anxiety will always kill a boner. You are so stuck in 'performance' mode - I can see it all the way from NYC.

Get some great books on sex. Become a student; learn how to be a better lover - not a better fucker. Make love like a Lesbian. They have great sex...and not a boner in sight. There is so much more....but you've made the first, and biggest step by seeking help.

Paul

Helping Men Regain Their Sexuality

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Good post Paul

Wed, 09/18/2013 - 13:40

I would add to seek out porn that resembles your wife. I always recommend ishotmyself.com because it's brilliant. It's diversity is the closest I've seen in porn to recording real sexuality and if the porn sits in the same sexual space as your lover it primes your libido. An example of priming with media is when you finally meet an actor from  your favourite TV show in person, after all that priming your overwhelmed! It's amazing. Also it's good to encourage your imagination and fantasy, and stills help you do that as you animate them in your mind.  Also it's nice to fantasise about being desired, it gives us a greater awareness of our sexual selves and our own bodies, real or imagined. Writing your own erotic fantasies are good for that. Anyway rather than our lovders desire for us being a green light or an ego trip this  gives us real sexual pleasure from our lovers desite for us. Hope that helps.

That was a wonderful post! I

Sat, 09/28/2013 - 23:19
Brittany.jo (not verified)

That was a wonderful post! I wish ALL men could read that and truly take it in. 

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