I'm Just Grateful to Have Sex Like That

Fri, 02/05/2010 - 17:46
Submitted by Anonymous

Since I became a courtesan, I've forfeited any chances of meeting other men outside of my profession. I allow for serendipitous occasions here and there; but, I'm not naive about my business and how I expect a potential date to react upon hearing it. I don't care to lie because I'm not ashamed of what I do. So, the outcome tends to be:

1) My date will pretend he's really supportive; but, will have the innate feeling that he may have to "save" me from myself somehow.

2) He will use that as his ticket into my bedroom because, c'mon, if I'm a sex worker then that must mean I spread my legs for whatever guy comes my way.

Besides, I don't want a relationship. I don't need one. I really just want the sex and all that comes with it, including the human being. I just don't need to draw it out for months at a time, find simple stupid things to argue about, and worry about what's going to happen with us. What are we going to do on date night?

Recently, I ran into an old flame, one that had still left me smoldering for just a little bit more. I was a subtle idolater of his paintings. And of him. He was over 20 years my senior and he carried with him this beautiful, quiet sentimentality... it was refreshing. I had reached out to him after an exhibit. Over a month later, we finally met at a cocktail bar on the Lower East Side. I don't remember what was said, but I do remember feeling this very powerful connection between us. I felt very special around him. And I wanted to make him feel special. I wanted to give my entire body and being to him. So, we made out everywhere we possibly could and touched each other in ways that had almost gotten us in trouble with the police, which is normally my favorite way to end an evening.

I wouldn't see him again for another 6 months, all the while fantasizing about bits and pieces of that night. The scruff of his facial hair as it grazed my inner thigh. His quiet mode of talk. My button-ups in the front that he loved to push open. I felt like he had found a way to pull my flesh apart and reach inside for a touch and a tickle. I suppose what makes this all exciting and far more special than my clients or dates before him was the intimate affections I felt for him before we even met. I followed his artwork and his scribblings. They inspired my poetry. He inspired me.

We finally met again over a plate of sashimi and cups of warm sake. When he asked me how I earned my keep, I felt as though he already knew the answer but wanted to make sure his intuition was correct. Somehow, telling him I was a courtesan was harder than I thought it would be. I don't know, it's as if I'm surrounded by men who feel as though they're being constantly deceived. And I thought this would be his attitude - that my feelings weren't genuine or that I was somehow trapping him into a sales pitch.

Fortunately, it wasn't an issue. We had talked for a while about art. He touched my thigh and we looked at each other for a long time before paying the bill. We left immediately for my apartment, how warm and inviting it will be. I shivered in the cold. I was under-dressed and sensitive; everything I'd anticipated for months was finally going to happen tonight.

I don't know if I want to go into detail. I just... I'm just grateful to have sex like that. Very grateful. I felt so small and weightless; he contorted my body as if we were doing some hardcore oceanic dance in the middle of a blue night. And all throughout we had kissed and touched each other and remained glued that way for hours.

For me, he was my vacation. He was my escape into just being me, a me that still wants him and enjoys this tiny bit of sensual starvation. A me that appreciates this so much.

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Zara's picture
Fri, 02/05/2010 - 23:31

This was a very sweet and beautiful post. I am happy you got your vacation. :)


Vacation Forever?

Fri, 02/12/2010 - 06:15
A Gentleman (not verified)

I always thought that love was being on vacation forever. There are always bumps in the road but the idea is the journey is the pleasure. I hope you can find that pleasure during your journey, in whatever form suits your needs. We all have different needs, but I still believe we each seek that feeling of being treasured for our talents, whatever those talents may be. Good luck on your journey.