Dan Savage: How Opening the Door to Nonmonogamy Can Save Your Relationship

Thu, 07/15/2010 - 09:49
Submitted by Carlin Ross

I applaud Dan Savage for coming out as nonmonogamous - and admitting that monogamy has largely been practiced only by women.

Editor in Chief & Keeper of All Things Betty Dodson

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Fucking other people and the fucking CAPTCHA

Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:40
Palesa (not verified)

Great. Truthful and funny. Dan's words are right on the money, but I don't think most people are willing to turn a critical eye on monogamy. We just love to hang onto our ideas more than our reality. But at least the info is getting out there. Definitely linking to this video.Wink

PS Carlin, Are the CAPTCHA and I in a monogamous relationship? I would like to open our relationship up because CAPTCHA has really not been a great partner lately. Telling me 1+0 does not equal 1. Well, what the fuck does it equal then? I'm just sayin'.



Don't be afraid of yourself, live your individuality to the full ---
for the good of others. Don't copy others in order to buy

I know. Our CAPTCHA is high

Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:47
Carlin Ross

I know. Our CAPTCHA is high maintenance. D&R 3.0 on the way.

"I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament." - Alanis Morissette


Thu, 07/15/2010 - 13:46
Miss. Chief

I've been in an open relationship with my husband for a year now, it's had difficulties but has saved my marriage.  I believe since my husband is NOT kinky, I probably would have cheated eventually, because  of my desire for SM .  I do not share physical intimacy with my husband, but the emotional intimacy has increased.

My ex-husband and I tried

Thu, 07/15/2010 - 14:42
Deera (not verified)

My ex-husband and I tried swinging. The situation was so imbalanced. I mean, the women were hot and the men were not. It was certainly a much better deal for the guys. I did not want to touch any of these men. They were all in their mid-thirties to mid-forties, fat, and all had that shaved head look with the ball caps. The women on the other hand looked good and were dressed well. Most of the men were wearing those big shorts (to fit over their big stomachs) and oversized T-shirts. Everyone also seemed to be extremely heterosexual, unfortunately, even the women. To make a long story short, my ex-husband was told that unless I played too, he was not welcomed back. We eventually split up and we are both much happier people.

his next video about sexting

BellaFigura's picture
Thu, 07/15/2010 - 21:08

his next video about sexting is also pretty interesting...

as a former math major, I love the numerical CAPTCHA's, the word ones not so much...

Open marriage/cuckoldry

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 09:17

I completely agree with you about what you mentioned about not sharing "physical intamcy" (with your husband) but that "the emotional intimacy has increased." This is EXACTLY the same dynamic that my wife and I are in right now. Our situation is a little different from yours in that ours is definitely a cuckold-based one. So, in this sense, I am a "chaste" cuckold husband, while my wife, on the other hand, is free to do as she pleases (and has been doing so for a while).
I am totally in love with my wife (of 30 years). There is no contradiction, for me, or my wife, in this.  I am not interested in a relationship with another woman. I'm bi, and I have had a few M-M experiences (though not lately). So, for me, the fact that my wife "dates" a few other guys is fine by me. It seems only right! For me, the fact that she and I no longer "have sex", in a physical sense, has not barred us from growing ever more intimate emotionally--which, for me, is where the real intimacy is!
I definitely think that having gone away from a strictly monogamous framework for our marriage has saved it from the on-going ennui that had exsisted for decades prior to it. I know a number of other married couples that might also benefit from loosening up the strictures of their current monogamous relationship, but doing so requires both spouses to be on the same page about such a thing.
There might be far fewer divorces if a strict monogamous view of marital relationships could be revisted, renegotiated, and transformed. It seems to be working for my wife and I! As for "cheating." It's not cheating IF you and your husband both don't regard it as such! A married couple ought to be able to tailor their relationship to what THEY, themselves, want and need.

Marriage - A Dead Fish In The Water

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 11:37

I hate to say this, but monogamy is a dead fish in the
water. Now this is coming from an old fashioned but disillusioned romantic who
wanted to believe in the one perfect soul mate to love forever and ever until I
died. I bought into that lie too, avoiding marriage as long as I could for the
fear of seeing my mother marry and divorce six times. I suffered from sexual,
mental, and physical abuse for 20 years of my one and only marriage, and now 19
years still single, hard pressed to ever do that again, even if a gun was
pressed to my temple!

Life does not seem to pan out as the love stories and
Hollywood movies go. Marriage is a bond for making children legal on paper. The
marital institution seems to imprison women all the more from reaching their full
potential as real people, not operating and contributing in the real world. If
these mothers have no other skills or jobs that they can find as rewarding,
they are just raising children. Being a role model and forming young minds is
an admiral task in child rearing, but I do not think it is the be all end all
answer to leading a fulfilling life as a woman. So far we are going overboard
with population levels and food resources world-wide, and the ego of wanting to
produce a little "me" in the world - should have gone away by now with
the dinosaurs. I think monogamy works for the guy who wants a mommy, maid, cook,
and part time hooker in the house, but ultimately most men in a marriage seem
to gravitate towards cheating, so how rewarding can that marriage really be for
the guy when he seeks sex outside of that union. Most times he is not much a
part in the child rearing scene, since we can hit a room full of dead beat dads by swinging
a dead cat by its tail. Women who cheat are looking for more attention and
better sex, many are day time drinkers and pill poppers from the utter boredom and
tedium of being a housewife, and if the sex is still lousy with the extramarital
boyfriend too, even more reason to get anesthetized with substances.

I use humor a lot in my posts, and it can be a 'touch of the
gallows' sort of whimsy, but all in all, I think our society needs a major
overhaul. Too many selfish creatures of both sexes, not enough empathy or
kindness for anyone, and the 'me' generation went a bit too far not to include
anybody else. Our society certainly reflect that. I wish it were not, but the deterioration
of what love-sex-marriage is has to be redefined to fit all, not just the few
who thrive in that archaic model.

My first wife became

Tue, 08/02/2016 - 16:11

My first wife became hypersexual after having three of four cocktails - which was never a problem when we alone. But it caused a scene one night when three of my friends were at the house for cards and beer. Linda had had too many vodka-cranberries and began dancing around the table while my friends and I were betting and raising. What seemed like innocent fun at first, turned challenging when my wife cranked the music, and giggling, began to do a strip tease. "The troops want a little entertainment?" My pals were stunned. When I got up and tried to stop her, Linda fought me off fiercely. Long story short, each of my friends had sex with my wife that night. I had been cuckolded, and was so aroused watching. I was the last to penetrate my wife. Her little pussy had been completely stretched and filled with semen. I came seconds after entering her. Two months later we were divorced. But the memory lingers. My second wife would never dream of cuckolding me.