The Big "Sex Talk" a Bust

I'm not sure why parents dread talking to their children about sex.  Most avoid the subject all together.  And for those parents who do have the "talk" a new study has found that they're having it way too late.    

Researchers found that more than 40% of adolescents had had intercourse before their parents talked with them about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases. 

These numbers are even more frightening: Forty-two percent of girls reported that they had not discussed the effectiveness of birth control and 40% admitted they had not talked with their parents about how to refuse sex before engaging in genital touching. Nearly 70% of boys said they had not discussed how to use a condom or other birth control methods with their parents before having intercourse. Yet only half of the boys' parents, by contrast, said they had not discussed condom use or birth control with their sons.

Parents aren't talking to their children about sex at home.  They aren't getting any sex ed at school. Then we inundate them with sexual imagery and leave them home alone to figure it all out for themselves.  And we wonder why we have the highest STD and teen pregnancy rate among industrialized countries.

It may be difficult to view your child as a sexual being.  It may be upsetting to think of them masturbating on less having sex.  But it is our charge as parents to teach our children how to have successful lives.  Success is forming intimate bonds with others, feeling connected to the world around us, and learning to cope with stress. 

How can they have a fulfilling relationship if they don't know about their bodies and their orgasm?  How can they enjoy sex without becoming teen parents or contracting an STD if we don't teach boys about condoms?  And I'm talking about the basics: what kind to buy, how to put one on, how to use lubrication so they don't break, and to hold it with both fingers when they pull out.  One of the reasons we chose Condom Basics as our first video in our Sex Skills Series is that there weren't any images of how to put one on that didn't entail a banana.  Why can't we watch a man with a real penis show how he puts on a condom?

I could never end this post without listing some resources for parents.  If you just can't bring yourself to be the "sexpert", then pick up Heather Corinna's book S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College.  It's a fabulous resource.  You can also send your teen to Heather's site www.scarletteen.com.  Betty's vulva drawings are listed on her site and we love to support the wonderful work Heather is doing educating young teens about their sexuality.

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