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Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Lifestyle ›

Because Sluts Don't Get Flowers

Posted December 10th, 2009 by Carlin
in

We received this comment on our youtube page in response to our Sluts...Threesomes...and Vibrator Addiction podcast:

"Unfortunately if a woman is a SLUT, then no guy would want to court her. They just want to have sex with her on the first date. Sluts also don't get flowers from men."

So you don't have sex because you won't get flowers.  Isn't that prostitution?  The flowers...the gifts...the dinners...the trips - isn't that setting a value on your pussy?  You're not going to sleep with someone unless they spend enough on you.  I'd say that a slut is a true egalitarian then.  She uses her body for her pleasure without any need for renumeration.

I've had several men who've discussed openly how they didn't buy me expensive gifts or take me shopping because I "didn't act right".  In other words, the two of us having fun together and some sex without me feigning love meant that I didn't get flowers.  Real love doesn't exist day 1.  It's something that has to develop.  I guess bestowing my pussy on someone because they turn me on and I like them doesn't make me wife material.  I'm not sure that I would want to marry a man who felt that way.  I think this sort of negative response to my open sexuality is a good litmus test.  I had sex on my first date with GR and when he called me the next day I knew he was the one.

This is how the slut stigma is perpetuated.  Women tell other women not to have sex for pleasure because no one will put a ring on her finger.  That thinking may have worked when women didn't have economic independence but now there's no reason for a woman to be chaste.  If you want to have sex, then have sex.  And if the person you're having sex with thinks you're a slut for fucking them then I say you've got someone with low self esteem on your hands.  Enjoy the sex and be thankful you got off easy.

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I've had sex on the first

Miss Moonlight's picture
Submitted by Miss Moonlight on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 00:48.

I've had sex on the first date and got flowers and oral!

yes!

Submitted by hew (not verified) on Mon, 12/14/2009 - 07:59.

First I would like to say that I don't think this issue will ever be resolved or discussed as thoroughly as it should be.

Secondly... These labels and the judgement women receive are bullshit! This topic reminds me of "The Ethical Slut" and I wish everyone could agree, or at least sympathize, with its message. I feel every person should do what makes him or her happy and to be fair and open to others.

and sometimes sex on the first date makes me very happy! and sometimes it's even better when I know I"ll never see that person again!

Sad man

Submitted by Ready (not verified) on Wed, 12/16/2009 - 21:59.

I'd just like to say that this whole double-standard thing is BS. I was recently with a girl who was concerned about doing anything sexual with me because "I don't wanna be THAT girl". While I understood her position, I can't help but be frustrated by the fact that how others view us dramatically inhibits our sexual expression. She later got over that and we had some good experiences, but there was a level of taint to it because it felt kind of unnatural. It almost felt like, "Let me make sure that everyone else is alright with me sleeping with you and that they won't view me any differently for having done so, THEN we can go there as much as we want!".

As for the dinner and flowers thing... It's incredibly archaic to NOT do those things for a sexually liberated woman. Sex is a natural part of a relationship. Flowers and dinners are just like sex to me. They are to be given to that person based upon my wanting to give it to them.

The REAL problem is the Double Standard. I find that BOTH sexes perpetuate that vicious cycle, but it will never get resolved if women are unwilling to fight for their right to sexual expression. It sucks, but that's the world we live in and the world we are trying to change. One step at a time. True equality is slowly approaching BECAUSE of venues like this one. Thanks.

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