Women Who Want to Want

Daniel Bergner is a sex writer whose latest article for the NY Times magazine Women Who Want to Want had me cheering. 

It's all about the work of two researchers - Lori Brotto and Rosemary Basson - and their attempts to accurately define Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) and treat women with low sexual desire.  These remarkable women aren't looking to Big Pharma to unravel the complexities of female sexual response.  Their findings and recommendations are right in line with Betty's work.  For women, sexual desire is about getting back into your body.

They've found that when women suffering from low desire are shown pornographic materials that they do get turned on.  Their bodies clearly respond to external stimulii.  This confirms what most sexologists have known for some time that there's a disconnect between women's minds and their bodies.

They've also found that "desire follows arousal".  This means that you don't "want" sex until you're body is aroused.  In other words, you won't find yourself thinking about sex until you're touching yourself.  It's all about masturbation and stimulating your mind and your genitals.  It seems obvious to me that men "want" sex because they have no hang ups about watching porn and jerking off.  They're expected to in our society (they also have the advantage of external genitals that increase in size when they're aroused - kind of easy to know that you're aroused).

Brottoo and Basson are about to publish research demonstrating that low levels of testosterone in women do not correspond to low libido.  Various pharmaceutical companies have pursued testosterone creams and pills as treatment for women's lack of desire.  Even Oprah's sexpert Dr. Laura Berman promotes using testosterone even though the FDA HASN'T APPROVED THIS USE.  The motive to break the formula for the female viagara is obvious - it could be a gold mine.  However, there is no research that links testosterone to increased sexual desire for women.  In fact, women taking a placebo in testosterone trials reported an increase in libido along with hair growth and irritability.

So how are these women treating low sexual desire?  They're employing buddhist principles of "mindfulness" to get women back in their bodies.  During a yoga session, women are asked to think self-affirming thoughts about themselves as sexual beings.  Their work reminded me of Betty's Bodysex groups.  It really isn't about some guru or pill that can "make" us sexual.  We are sexual at birth.  We only need to learn how to masturbate and fantasize to unlock our sexual desire. 

I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when Glenda the good witch told her that she could have gone home to Kansas by clicking her heels together three times and saying, "there's no place like home".  Just lube up your fingers, rub your clit, and say, "my clit is my sex organ".

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