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Betty Dodson: Sex, Love, Feminism, Politics › Lifestyle ›

My Ex is Attractive. I Just Wanted Something Else

Posted November 30th, 2009 by Carlin
in

This comment was posted by Deera:

One of the reasons a women may have low desire could be that she is no longer physically attracted to her partner and/or is not having an orgasm during partner sex. I can only comment on my own feelings in this matter. I was married for 12 years. For most of those years, I had intercourse with my husband because it "kept the peace" and it had just become another item on the "to do" list. I realized that I was no longer attracted to him but not because of anything relating to him personally. My ex-husband is attractive, I just was in the mood for something else. Also, my husband was very narrow-minded regarding acceptable bedroom behavior. All during my marriage, I secretly masturbated to orgasm frequently. I did not orgasm during partner sex. Thanks to Betty, I let go of my feelings of being a loser because I masturbate.

I learned two important things about myself through my marriage. One, I am not monogamous. I don't think many women are monogamous either. I think being fed this shit of the "One and Only" is what makes some women not feel desire. Two, I love orgasms!!! I would not become intimate with anyone unless they are vibrator and mutual masturbation friendly. I do not think many men (gay or straight) wants to get aroused without orgasm. I think if more women experienced orgasm, then the desire to repeat sex more frequently would be there.

Also, I think different things turn on different women. Humans are such complicated animals that to say that one formula fits all doesn't work.

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My Ex is Attractive. I Just Wanted Something Else

Submitted by john f (not verified) on Mon, 11/30/2009 - 23:29.

What an enlightening post. And, so mind-blowing to hear a woman say "I am not monogamous. I don't think many women are monogamous either." Wow.

Thank you.

Hear hear. I'm a

Submitted by nomadak (not verified) on Fri, 01/08/2010 - 07:03.

Hear hear. I'm a polyamorous woman, and it was great reading this post. The stuff about that "one and only shit" made me laugh, and inspired a post on Facebook. And "I do not think many men (gay or straight) wants to get aroused without orgasm"- how enlightening.

My Facebook post on women as sexual beings. In the past, it was thought that men and women had sexual divergences- men fucking around everywhere to spread their seed, and women clamping on to one man to help with the babies. The current research is now supporting the evolution of a sexually promiscuous woman. Women would sleep around like men (and I bet they had fun with it too- I know I do!). If she became pregnant, none of the partners she'd been sleeping with at the time would know who the father was; any of the men could be the father. The men wanted to protect their possible offspring, and in this way, a woman would garner community support and a child with grow up with many fathers.

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