Betty's Potty Mouth Gets a Thumbs Up

For my friends who often accuse me of having a "Potty mouth" or request that "I tone down my use of four letter words" or the time back in 1974 when Gloria Steinem said absolutely NO four letter words in my masturbation article for Ms. along the numerous times I've been told I'd reach a much larger audience if I cleaned up my language, I say, "Read this feminist critique of my sex coacing please!":

This research focuses on Betty Dodson's speech, "Sex Coaching". While the intended audience was composed of therapists and psychologists, the value of this rhetoric is for every woman. The content focuses on female masturbation; how to do it, what to call the anatomy, and why it is so important. Masturbation is generally a hushed-up topic, particularly for women. Historically, it has simply not been appropriate to speak about it, much less admit to doing it. For many women, cultural norms of silence and negativity surround this issue. This study makes the argument that the rhetoric of this speech advances female agency and self-determinism towards sexual freedom. Feminist criticism provides the lens for analysis to discover how a new ideology in sexual freedom for women is promoted and to identify ramifications of gender construction.

All by myself- A feminist critique of Betty Dodson's "Sex Coaching".

Sexual expression and liberation is not a topic one hears about everyday, nor is it front and center of the nation's nightly newscasts. Last year's documentary, Sexual Intelligence, narrated by Kim Cattrell of Sex in the City fame, featured Betty Dodson speaking about women's sexual anatomy. In one segment she talks about her favorite word for the female sexual anatomy, cunt. "Cunt is an old Anglo-Saxon word, a powerful word. Cunt goes with cock. When the two get together, it's a good time" (Annau, 2005). This is an example of the straightforward and strong language style used by Betty Dodson. While these types of words may seem shocking and vulgar to some, it can be argued that they are also powerful agents for change and expression.

Historically and culturally, sexual exploration has been viewed as more acceptable for men, with the majority of adult bookstores, strip clubs, and pornography directed towards their gender. There is evidence that this is changing, however. Witness the rise of women only sex toy and enhancement parties. These types of women only parties were a top ten cultural trend in 2005. One such company alone is projecting sales of 53 million dollars in 2006 (Pure Romance). Although sexual exploration generally and masturbation specifically has been shrouded in our patriarchal based culture, there is one voice rising from the darkness to point the way to sexual liberation for women. Betty Dodson's speech, "Sex Coaching", breaks the silence and empowers women by teaching and encouraging self-loving through masturbation. This researcher contends that speaking freely about female masturbation intervenes in the ideology of male domination and empowers women to experience more fully their sexual selves.

This speech will be analyzed through the lens of feminist criticism, specifically, discovering how gender is constructed through language, and how language is used to empower women towards agency regarding their sexual selves. The unit of analysis will be the word choices made by the rhetor, particularly her use of explicit sexual language. By analyzing the means with which female agency is advanced in this speech, conclusions can be drawn about how language usage makes a positive difference in sexual culture and freedom for women.

"Sex Coaching"

"Sex Coaching" is a speech that was given by Betty Dodson in July of 2004, at a small reception that followed an American Psychologists Association conference. The reception was sponsored by the Weill Cornell Medical College, as a benefit fundraiser for the Women's Sexual and Mental Health Fund. The audience was made up of doctors, psychologists, pharmaceutical representatives, therapists and others interested in supporting the event. These were professionals having previous contact and connection with the field of women's sexual health. The main focus of the audience was "to support women's sexuality research and education and to network with others with similar interests" (Kolzet, 2006). This same source reports the audience was very receptive to and entertained by, Betty's speech.

Betty Dodson holds a PhD in Sexology, from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is known as an international authority on women's sexuality, with many books, videos and other publications to her credit. Dodson has spent over three decades leading sexual exploration workshops, sexuality seminars and guided masturbation celebrations, with her goal being to help women discover sexual pleasure (Dodson, 1997). She has encouraged female masturbation as, "the ongoing love affair that each of us has with ourselves throughout our lifetime" (Dodson, 2006, Selfloving, p. 1). Her positioning of woman as the primary focus provides a unique female perspective on sexual pleasure.

The speech is written in a somewhat relaxed style, with lay terms and a comfortable ambiance. The language used in the speech is not typical of what one expects from a professional lecture. Ms. Dodson uses both scientific and slang terms for female anatomy. In her own words concerning this speech, she states," I never prepare a talk but prefer to have a conversation with the audience. Usually, I'm brought into academic meetings somewhat as comic relief or to shake things up a bit. I speak from personal experience, use bawdy humor and describe my hands-on practice of sex coaching which lives in a grey area of legality. Often my idea is (to) lighten things up. Not to make sex so deadly serious, (but) more human" (Dodson, 2006, personal email). Betty's own words help to explain the style of language and the attitude that emanates from the speech.

This work of liberating women in areas of sexuality falls under a general paradigm of feminism. It is an issue important to women and not generally addressed within an ideation of male domination. In this speech, Ms. Dodson speaks from her own strong ideology concerning sexual expression; focusing on her conviction that masturbation breaks sexual repression. This attitude is clear in Sex Coaching and lends itself conveniently to an analysis done through feminist criticism.

Methodology

When focusing on feminist criticism, it is helpful to review the essentials of Feminist Theory. Feminist Theory covers a broad area of scholarship, including, but not limited to, motivation for political activism, ideas of the female deity and gender equality in the workplace. The principal feminist concerns for this study will be how the construction of gender encourages a female perspective and empowerment in sexuality. Feminism is concerned primarily with "the belief that women and men should have equal opportunities for self expression" (Foss, Foss, Trapp, 1991, p. 275). It seeks to free women from a male ideology of domination (hooks, 2000; Foss, 2004). A primary assumption is that women are not allowed equal opportunities for self- expression within our culture. This certainly is true regarding female sexuality, specifically women's feelings about and expression of their sexual selves.

The word feminism often brings up connotations of political revolution and as such can be viewed negatively (hooks, 2000). However, in the context of this study, feminism will be defined in broader terms of promoting positive change for women. While Feminism places high value on women's perceptions, and experiences, feminist theory seeks to provide understanding and empowerment to women within those perceptions and experiences. Feminist theory has evolved to include studies of women speakers, studies of social concern regarding women's issues and finally, study of "subject matter of particular interest to women that traditionally had not been the focus of scholarly investigation" (Foss, Foss, Griffin, 1999, p. 17). This speech on female masturbation falls under the third category. Agency and choice, the ability and freedom to make your own decisions about how to live your life is also a key tenant of feminism. hooks (26) stresses, "that the ability to see and describe one's own reality is a significant step" in personal agency. In the context of sexuality, women deserve and need to have outlets for self-expression and to be released from the feeling of needing permission or breaking some taboo if they want to explore their sexuality. Foss (p.151-153) describes the history of feminism as happening in three distinct phases, with empowerment of women as the chief concern of the third wave. This "power feminism" seeks to free a woman to seek for and receive all that she needs, in whatever realm of her life she believes it is needed.

Feminist criticism rises from feminist theory as a way to view artifacts and come to some conclusions regarding how the rhetoric perpetuates the male ideology of domination and how that can be contested or challenged. This type of analysis seeks to understand how gender is constructed in an artifact and how that gender either perpetuates this male ideology or provides new inroads to a predominately female hegemony. Gender is looks at how the feminine and masculine identities are presented in an artifact, usually through a specific unit of analysis. Questions can be asked such as, does the gender construction in this artifact promote male domination or provide an alternative to it? If so, how? Does this artifact provide strategies for promoting female agency, while resisting patriarchy? Does the artifact situate the female as subject, or object? Does the style of this speech supply any strategies for the advancement of a female hegemony? Questions such as these will be used to help analyze Betty Dodson's "Sex Coaching". The specific and graphic language used in the speech will be the primary focus of analysis.

Gender Construction and its Implications

"I am definitely into the pleasure department of sex...I prefer to work with women... when they are ready to learn sexual skills. I teach these skills through masturbation, which is my favorite subject."

Dodson opens up her speech with statements about women, sexual pleasure and masturbation. Thus begins her positive construction of the female gender. This happens quite naturally throughout the speech, as the focus of the message is sexual satisfaction for women. Dodson's aim is to teach women about their own bodies and how to masturbate. "My style of Sex Coaching is similar to a personal trainer in a gym... I guide my client in looking at her genitals, how to feel and explore clitoral sensations, how to massage the entire vulva and how to use sex toys to enhance her pleasure". In simply describing this approach to women, a powerful, positive image of the female is advanced. It is unusual in this culture to hear a professional speak so candidly about female bodies and feelings. The female is positioned as the subject in this speech, the active participant, not the objectified female typically seen in a male dominated culture.

The subject of teaching women about their bodies necessitates using words to describe female sexual organs, like clitoris, vagina and vulva. These are all gender specific words and used in positive connections. Consider these phrases, "clitoral foreplay", "stay with the clitoris", "stimulate their clitoris", "slow vaginal penetration", "keep the clitoris engaged during partnersex", "explore their vulva", "look at your darling little pussy", "the clitoris is numero uno". These words are used to express pride in female anatomy and understanding of sexual acts from the women's perspective and for the women's pleasure. Dodson claims that liking and wanting to masturbate, is normal, desirable and appropriate behavior for women. Using this vocabulary so freely is a powerful way to construct gender. It presents a female dominated ideology, where sexual pleasure for the woman, not the man, is regarded as the end result.

Men are directly mentioned three different places within the speech. The male is first presented as an example of how to get what you need in a sexual context. First, in paragraph two, when speaking of the futility of vaginal orgasms she states, "Would a guy try to cum from having his balls tugged on? They know where to go! They go to the end of the penis where the little hot spot is, they get right on it, and they stay on it." This is speaking highly of a man's ability to get what he wants and needs from a sexual situation. She uses that example to say to women, be direct like a man, get on the clitoris, and get what you need. This is one strategy to advance the ideals of power feminism, chiefly, take what you need sexually, like men typically do.

Second, in paragraph nine, "And when it's over, she thinks she would naturally drop off into a deep sleep like her husband does. He comes, makes some noise, and then starts snoring". Here the man is being used as an example for what not to do. Dodson goes on to say that women are bottomless pits when it comes to orgasms and need not act like the sleepy man after coming. Here, the man is portrayed in a negative light, having less sexual power and stamina than a woman.

Third, men are mentioned in paragraph eleven. "Everything in our culture right now, I hope you've noticed, is about death, murder, dying, torture, and ugliness. Oh, the Evangelical Christians love it! Along with Bush with his grim little rat face and his, "We will prevail." These guys desperately need to have a few orgasms under their belts. I tell you, the old sperm is backing up into their sinuses and they're so frustrated they can't think straight. But the abuse of power has always been like this; it's just getting worse."

In this excerpt, man is aligned with abuse of power, negative religious connotation and death. The male gender is put in a negative connotation, whose behavior is neither appropriate nor desirable. This is a reversal of traditional patriarchal speech, where the woman is objectified as subordinate to males and men are the esteemed gender. It is easy to see how the female gender is exalted and nourished in this artifact, while the male gender is presented as less important and inferior to women. There is a definite alternative to the ideology of male domination advanced in this speech.

Dodson offers a different way for women to regard and experience their sexuality, apart from the historical, patriarchal assumptions that men's sexual needs are to be met first and foremost in a relationship. Gender construction speaks to the interpretive paradigm of how symbols are assigned meaning within a culture (Anderson, 1996). Views on sex and our understanding of what is appropriate or normal are culturally created. Shere Hite, a leading sex researcher, asserts that a woman's definition of her sexuality and needs are different than that of a man's. Creation of sexual culture and atmosphere happens when specific language is utilized to explain what a woman wants in the sexual realm (Hite, 2005).

Dodson creates a positive sexual culture that serves to empower women, while in this speech she portrays men in a negative cultural light. Gender then, is constructed to exalt the female and her sexual feelings and experiences. Female pleasure is viewed as the desired outcome of sex coaching. Dodson's rhetoric challenges her audience to identify with a female point of view, accepting female sexual pleasure as normal and desirable. This is a deviation from the ideology of male domination and a leap forward in the realm of female agency.

Language and Agency

Cheris Kramarae is a leading authority on language in feminism. She would say a feminist rhetor is someone who uses language to challenge the status quo, the ideology of male domination (Foss, Foss, & Griffin, 1999). Betty Dodson meets this criteria, as a woman who speaks and lives to give others agency and self-determination within their sexual selves. Her example of using language in such an upfront and unapologetic way is a strategy to advance female agency. " I'm dedicated and devoted to masturbation. It has been my best sex, my most consistent sex, my best orgasms... You know what I'm saying? Lovers come and go but honey, you've got yourself all the way through."

Her words give women permission to make choices over their own sexual needs and desires. She extols masturbation as a way to get your own sexual needs met, without the involvement of a partner. When Betty is explaining how she helps a client during a private coaching session, her words themselves offer agency. "During this, I'm sitting along side them, ‘the good sexual mother,' who says, "Oh that is so pretty, look at your darling little pussy. Do you like the word pussy? Or, should we say vulva, cunt, clitty? What would you like?" Her style is to offer choices. The focus is not just on what a woman is comfortable saying, but what makes her feel good about her body. As she is speaking to a group of psychological specialists, she is teaching them how to offer agency to their clients also.

This style of open and, some would consider, vulgar, language breaks an oppression of correctness surrounding the female anatomy. Words generally reserved for the bedroom, or sex videos, or naughty boys are being advanced in female sexual therapy! Dodson is articulating a female perspective in sexuality, which can empower women in self-determinism. Her valuing female masturbation is a definite deterrent from the path of male ideology, specifically because the male does not even need to be present for the female's sexual satisfaction.

Although "Sex Coaching" describes personal, one-on-one sessions, the speech also addresses a more societal oppression. When speaking of the female anatomy, Dodson says," A lot of people can't even say the word clitoris, you know, some media won't print it. That's outrageous!" She points out how ridiculous it is that a scientific name for a female body part is considered profane by some media. When describing the fear a woman might have regarding losing control of herself when experiencing an orgasm, she states, "She's only lost control of the suffering caused by sexual repression." Her attitude comes clear through her words and debunks as absurd the cultural norms of a male dominated ideology, that would say a women's sexual experience should be silenced and repressed.

Another way the language of this speech promotes female agency is the tone that comes across, even from the written page. This is identified through the frequent use of exclamation and question marks. Consider, "But what about pleasure?" "You know what I'm saying?" "They know where to go!" "No! That's crazy!" "What would you like?" "Anything except vagina!" "You just had one hell of an orgasm honey! You just came!" Her use of stylized language adds emotion and emphasis to what is being said. It creates excitement in the rhetoric. This could be identified as a form of communication serving as a model of communicating a female driven ideology. While emotionalism is typically seen as a female trait in a patriarchal culture, Dodson uses it effectively to communicate her message of female need and satisfaction. She espouses the very feminist value of women getting what they need sexually.

Ramifications

Although the language of Betty Dodson's "Sex Coaching" may appear vulgar and crass to some, this analysis shows that her style provides a key to advancing female agency and promoting an alternative to the male ideology of domination. Sexual repression is addressed and strategies are uncovered which serve to give freedom to women both physically and ideologically. It is liberating to hear a strong female voice, addressing the issue of masturbation from a woman's perspective. While the specific topic was masturbation, the larger message includes self-determinism and choice in the arena of women's sexual health and expression. The topic itself, along with the use of creative words for female anatomy and the style of emotive punctuation, are all strategies used to construct an alternative ideology, one of female hegemony. This analysis contributes to the arena of feminist critique by exposing these three specific ways in which the issues and feelings of women are exalted.

Technorati Tags: Memoirs Sex Education