Are All Straight Women Dick Addicted?

Sun, 09/28/2014 - 09:02
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Hi Dr. Betty!

I am a straight guy and read Carlin saying at one point that she was 'Dick Addicted' I suppose trying to understand women, and being straight, I find it impossible to understand this concept. So I suppose I have three questions:

1/ Are all straight women 'Dick Addicted' ?
2/ What does it feel like ?
3/ Do they grow out of it ?

Many thanks, S

Dear S,

Carlin got the expression from me. Back in the early feminist days of the seventies, some women simply could not function without a man by their side. My feminist buddy Sheila and I referred to them as being "dick addicted" which was part sexual but closer to meaning they were hooked on having their "other half" which was not a good image of female independence.

In sexual terms, getting a properly sized dildo for masturbation can easily take care of wanting vaginal penetration during masturbation. However those of us who are hopelessly heterosexual will miss the testosterone vibe of maleness. Carlin and I often joked about wishing we were hardcore lesbians. Now that she's married, it ends that discussion for now, especially with a baby on his way. She recently found out it's a boy. So she'll be "baby addicted" for quite a while.

Dr. Betty

Editor in Chief & Keeper of All Things Betty Dodson

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Mon, 09/29/2014 - 04:37

My first though was to compare "dick addicted" women to "pussy addicted" men but my immediate second thought was that ofcourse they're not the same

For most women the standard PIV sex doesn't actually yield much by way of pleasure where as it works perfectly well for men. Most women aren't addicted to men for orgasms because if they're getting any, it's down to themselves (mostly). Most men orgasm pretty easily from the stereotype and some don't care or don't realise that the women in their lives are missing out.

If we're addicted at all, it's to the fairy tales.

Are all straight women "dick addicted"?
Most girls do seem to start out adopting the heterosexual model, unless they've had very supportive liberal parenting and are very self-aware. Does this make most of us dick-addicted? There is still an element of societal compliance that we buy into when we're young, the whole "prince charming" myth where some perfect lover will come along and "give" me a mindblowing orgasm through his innate skill and tenderness.

What does it feel like?
Whilst it was a long time ago, I can remember the feeling of waiting for my perfect hero/lover as a mixture of naive excitement, childish hysteria and constant dissappointment. There was also a sense of disbelief that the boys could be so very ignorant and unable (unwilling?) to ask when they clearly didn't understand anything about female geography. Frustrating.

It probably wasn't much fun for the men either - how could anyone live up to the expectations loaded upon them?

Do we grow out of it?
Most of the women I know and like grow out of this stage pretty quickly though some get stuck in dependency. Most women also seem to remain essentially heterosexual, though perhaps less and less dick-addicted. The best model of sexuality for me is a spectrum ranging from 100% hetero to 100% homo and most of us lying somewhere along that line,

But still, there is something hugely appealing about the strength of his arms, the sureness of his touch and the warmth of his body. Not sure his dick is that essential to me, though I'm pretty sure he'd miss it.

Occasional enjoyment, not 'addiction'

Tue, 09/30/2014 - 02:02

NLH, thank you for making some salient and rarely expressed points. From what I've read, only about a quarter of women regularly have orgasms from PIV intercourse alone. Another quarter of women may do so on occasion, while half seldom or never come from PIV sex.

What this means for men is that all that pressure they've grown up with to have a constant, long-lasting erection has been largely a massive fraud. Fear of 'not being able to get it up'. Struggling NOT to have orgasms during sex for fear of going even momentarily soft. Taking drugs like Viagra that can cause blindness. All to have an erection that most women don't appreciate anyway.

I'm deliberately being a bit ironic here, but in truth, if erections aren't the be-all and end-all for most women, then it's time to end performance pressure on men. I would imagine that the majority of mostly-straight women do appreciate erections sometimes, even if they don't depend on them for most (or even any) of their orgasms. And I believe that most straight women would be upset if their partner never got erect, even if they didn't have much practical use for an erection. But there's so much more to good lovemaking than penetrative sex. Let's give both men and women a break and get rid of the relentless, unrealistic pressure to have/give orgasms through plain old intercourse. There's a whole world of creative, mutually satisfying sex that doesn't involve PIV contact.

I agree that sexual attraction is on a bell curve, with very few of us being 100% straight or 100% homosexual. Culturally, however, it's considerably more acceptable for women to be bi-curious than it is for men. What you say about the average boy's ignorance of girl's anatomy was (is?) true, yet there were no reliable sources in those days from which to get that information. Most boys would have been keenly interested to know the facts (I know I was), but where could we have found them? To be fair, even girls don't always know what's 'down there', and some would be unable to explain it to a boy even if asked. Traditionally, we've all been kept in ignorance, and that's why Betty's and Carlin's sex education efforts are so exciting and so necessary.

in a conference room it was asked to all the assistants to draw

Mon, 09/29/2014 - 23:20
anonirama (not verified)

a penis

Everyone drew an erect penis.

I think it is more a visual representation of vigor and fertility, as it is for women big breast and wide hips.

The reality, the touch and energy of things is another story.

Accepting that PIV sex isn't the be all of sex is going against millions of years of evolution, ‘’civilization’’ religion, culture, biology…. you would say going against nearly of all that we are. It is a tall order, so it looks like we are doing pretty well.

If that is hard as it is, imagine accepting that the clit is the main female sex organ, not only is outside the vagina but doesn’t need a penis to be stimulated. 

This would be bestowing on women a power that seems to have been carried by men, another thing to take of their shoulders.

So, do we need a penis at all to feel pleasure? Does that mean we don’t need men at all? Now that there is even sperm banking. Why are not all women lesbians then if men are so unnecessary?

Again, touch, presence, energy.

When men discover this and stop feeling the pressure to preform, to be the providers, the strong… not only in the bedroom but in life, wow, we gonna see some changes.

Sex for pleasure, intimacy and play. Sex for discovery, experience, knowledge. Sex for life (not a human life necessarily). 

Does this mean we would stop caring about the continuation of the human race? stop thinking about the future and live the present moment?

will pleasure be the answer to overpopulation as copulation has been? what would happen if all children where sought after and born out of pleasure?

All this is happening so quickly, in part thanks to the Internet, it is probably a bit difficult to see because of our past, that is so engrained in our egos that we are finding it hard to let go. 

And we ‘’have to ‘’ let go to feel pleasure, because it is in the present moment.

Sex for pleasure, intimacy, and play

Tue, 09/30/2014 - 17:01

That's it exactly, anonirama. Nowadays, both sexes can have plenty of orgasms in the strictest solitude if that's what we want. Men have fleshlights and a wide range of vibrators; women have the equivalents made just for them. And we still have our fingers, not to mention all the woman-woman and man-man possibilities.

So if men and women don't literally 'need' one another as providers of sexual pleasure or economic support any longer, what is it we do need one another for? I vividly remember a television show I saw as a child; it might have been a 'Twilight Zone'. It told the tale of a future world in which men had died out or become superfluous. All social roles were filled by women, who were divided into soldiers, technicians, etc. One class of women were the 'Mothers'. They were like queen bees---very large women who never left their beds and whose only job was reproduction. It was an eerie and frightening world. The worst of it for me was not that there were no men or boys, it was the lack of choice in that all-female world: those 'Mothers' who longed for lives of their own, but who were forever confined to one room and one role.

We in the West still haven't grasped that we're beginning to live in a world in which who we spend our lives with, who we have our children with, what sort of families we have, are more and more a matter of choice. So many more of us (but hardly all!) have options now. If we can have orgasms any time we wish, with or without another person present, then it must be something else that primarily draws us together. Companionship, friendship, comforting, partnership, raising our children together, sharing our lives with a person we cherish. And, of course, sex for pleasure, intimacy, and play.

yes having choices=being

Tue, 09/30/2014 - 16:08
anonirama (not verified)

yes having choices=being free. And freedom isn't as easy as it sounds, we all wish for it but it isn't all that it's cut out to be. 

Once you are free you are responsible for your own life.

you become king/queen of your kingdom

So many choices can overwhelm, that is why we get so comfortable in our zones, in some way being moderate slaves to social and cultural conditioning, it is an accepted slavery, but non the less harmful in a more subtle way. I guess that is why we try to be or label our selves and others as something in particular, it is hard for us to conceive a person as being many apparently contradictory things.

Change can be frightening. And when you are free to make your own choices there is no one to blame if you mess up. In a way many of us want to be given direction or limits to where it is we must go or do, because we feel lost in all the possibilities and the fear of making the wrong decisions and have to live with them in the short life we've got. We have lived in a world where society has made the decisions for us.

Oh, but the joy of assuming the responsibility of your own life is hard to beat.

this may be one of the biggest conflicts of our near future; what to do with freedom. Figuring this one out will make very secure profound and self worthy people, People that must know themselves in order to know what they want (that includes our dark sides).

Lets bring up once more the importance of Dr. Betty's saying; masturbation is the foundation.......

why not make it a universal mantra

now that we know that we

Wed, 10/01/2014 - 02:34
anonirama (not verified)

now that we know that we don't NEED eachother maybe we can truly LOVE eachother

Loving one another

Wed, 10/01/2014 - 12:18

Yes. That's just what I was saying.