Kink is So Fundamental to Our Sexual Identity That It Has to be an Orientation

Mon, 08/25/2014 - 08:12
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Most of us don't perceive "kink" as an orientation but that's exactly what Jillian Keenan believes...the parallel she draws between kink and love is quite compelling:

"We don’t choose kink. Yes, there are vanilla people who, inspired by popular books or movies, choose to experiment with BDSM. (There are also straight people who choose to experiment with same-sex attraction, as anyone who went to college on a coast can attest.) And some people find BDSM later in life, don’t feel that it’s an orientation they were born with, and yet are full and equal members of the BDSM community (to the extent that such a thing even exists) in every way. But that doesn’t minimize the fact that, for a huge portion of kinky people, BDSM is not a choice, a hobby, or a phase. Kink is often so fundamental to our sexual identities that it has to be, at least in some cases, an orientation.

From the outside, 'this thing we do' seems like nothing more than weird sex stuff. I understand that. But, from the inside, kink is so much more than merely physical. Our orientation is so deeply rooted that many of us feel we were born with it. For us, kink mixes language, ritual, trust, power, pleasure, pain, and identity in a way that can’t be captured by a stereotype. You know what else mixes language, ritual, trust, power, pleasure, pain, and identity? Love. Every kind of love."

James Franco's documentary on may take us into the deeper realms of this orientation:

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