If you want to make peace with your past, heal a broken heart and become a better you, I suggest moving back home with your parents and reformatting 300 video clips on your youtube channel.
That's how I've spent the last few weeks: shuttling between Betty's and my parent's...living out of a bag...and pushing hard to increase our youtube subscriptions.
I didn't realize how much I needed to heal until I looked at myself - at the time capsule of me and Betty on camera over the span of five years. Looking at our youtube clips has been such a transformative experience. I can see the light fade in my eyes, the look of tension in my mouth, and my longing for change. And in a brief few weeks I've seen the color return to my cheeks and my eyes brighten. What I realize now so clearly is that where you live and what you own mean absolutely nothing. I have more joy now with no permanent address than I did living in a penthouse loft. Clarity.
And when I look at the two of us in front of the camera week after week I'm overwhelmed by our commitment. We never waiver. The message is so focused and builds upon itself with each video. And it's fascinating to see the chemistry between Betty and me develop into genuine love and regard. That woman has changed my life.
But, at one point last week, I stopped myself and questioned whether we're as good as we think we are...why we didn't have more subscriptions. Maybe we drank the Kool Aid and didn't realize it. I was struggling with doubt when I realized that we'd never asked anyone to subscribe to our channel.
Several other "sex" channels have been dropped from youtube and I didn't want to rock the boat. In a sense, I'd given up on our channel like I'd given up on my personal happiness. I'd scraped joy right off my plate.
If you read my blog, then you know that things haven't always been great with my family. They're Christian Fundamentalists and I'm a libertarian. There have been blocks of time when we didn't speak. My childhood was difficult and it didn't have to be...but in many ways I am the woman I am today because of my family. I went to college at 15 because I was taught at home and the state intervened. I went to law school because I knew I had to empower myself. I took on sex because I understood that we control culture by controlling female sexuality.
I will admit that I came home because I needed a place to stow my dog. There was a part of me that didn't want to swallow my pride but I'm glad I did. My parents are in their 70's and they won't be here forever. There's a lot of water under our bridge. It's not often that you get the opportunity to bury the hatchet and spend time with your parents as an adult. I've acclimated quite successfully to suburbia. I spend my evenings watching Antiques Roadshow and I like it. Just this morning my mother came over, gave me a hug, and said, "I love you living here" to which I replied, "I love living here too."
I'm in transition. I know that I won't be home forever so I'm treasuring every moment. And I've learned to ask for what I need - if we increase our youtube subscriptions, we'll move out of the "sex" ghetto with google and not get dropped in search.
So I'm asking our fans and followers to please subscribe to our youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/carlincherrybomb
Thank you for supporting us and supporting sex ed.