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"It's Difficult Not Being an Ordinary Woman"

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 10:18
Submitted by Carlin Ross

I received this email from a user who lives in a rural town in Bolivia:

Dear Carlin,

One more time, you have touched me very deeply with your writing, I read your post about the “biological clock” and many things came to my mind.

I have never wanted to have children, not even when I thought I had found the man of my life in my 20’s or when my mother died in my 30’s and I lost the only person that I could count on.  I think I don’t want children because for me freedom is the most important thing in life.  I really believe that children are a jail for women, they have to leave everything for them. I know almost all women love to do that and a few others like me will hate it.  Maybe I don’t have vocation for being a mother.   I’m glad for it, but it’s hard when you live in a 3rd world country where all people believe that the only thing that women have to do in this world is to have and raise children.  Other things that they can do don’t matter.

Something that makes me always very angry is that people (friends, family, coworkers) look at me with pity because I’m a poor woman who is alone - that doesn’t have anyone for whom to live or work.  I'm the poor woman who isn’t going to have anyone to take care of her when she gets older, etc. I want to tell them that I’m so happy with my life with my decisions and choises, with everything I did.  But they are not going to understand because in their minds this is not possible.

I used to think, that my problem was that I live in this part of the world but since I read D&R I can see that in USA and Europe, women have the same problems.  It's difficult not to be an ordinary woman.

Thank you for reading my history, it's hard to find someone to understand this kind of things here.

Wish you all the best,

Patricia

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Another "solo" woman in South America

Thu, 02/07/2013 - 07:55
calistogababe

Dear Patricia,
I too chose not to have children and now in my late 60's am living in Cuenca, Ecuador and traveling South America. I will visit Bolivia in April! I am originally from the US and I wanted to share my experience as a solo female in Ecuador.
A common response I get from indigenous women is like this experience in my local mercado:
I buy my herbs from Blanca's tienda. She was pregnant with her 8th child and over time I've met most of her kids as they come to the mercado while she works all day, often with an infant strapped to her back. One day she asked me how many ninos I have, and when I said NONE her face broke out in a big smile and she did a big thumbs up gesture with her hand.
Then she asked about mia spousa, and when I told her I moved to Ecuador SOLO she again smiled and raised her thumb.
I suspect that I am their hope and ofcourse Blanca's children see this too.

Lastly, it's very fun to see the response of the Ecuadorian men. The taxi drivers feel very free to ask if I've moved here with my husband and how many children do I have etc. When I tell them I live here SOLO they are shocked. Then when they ask about mia ninos...I tell them NONE and that I am free! and they too smile. They get it.

So Patricia....pase bien mia solo amiga
Suzanne

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