Clit vs. Vag. Why Not Both?

Sat, 09/15/2012 - 17:14
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Naomi Wolf's latest book Vagina: A New Biography has reignited the whole clit vs. vag debate. According to Naomi, the vagina is the source of female creativity...the window to our souls. She crticizes second wave feminists - Betty Dodson - for reglamorizing the clitoris. For Naomi, the vagina reigns supreme.

I thought about Anne Koedt and The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm. I thought about The Clitoral Truth - how the clitoris vanished from medical illustrations at the same time we saw the rise of the democratic rights of "man". All of it got me thinking about my relationship to my clitoris and my own sexual development.

One of my earliest memories is sitting on my father's thigh in church rocking back and forth rubbing my clitoris on his leg. I don't remember having an orgasm but I do remember all the good feelings. In grade school, I moved on to climbing ropes for my orgasm. These orgasms I remember. We had these thick gym ropes in my backyard. I would climb up the ropes and when I was almost at the top I would feel the rush of an orgasm...then I could climb back down so I could do it all over again. Both these orgasms were clearly clitoral orgasms created by pressing my clitoris against objects (pressure orgasms).

By junior high, I'd moved on to clitoral orgasms in the bathtub. I would inch down so my ass was right below the drain and place my legs on either side of the faucet. Then I would let the water run over my clit for hours as I enjoyed multiple orgasms. My legs would tense up - my whole body would tense up - as I held my clit directly under the water flow. I had graduated from pressure orgasms to tension orgasms.

These continued until I got my first vibrator. It was the pocket rocket. I practically got carpal tunnel from that thing. I would tense up and press the rocket into my clit until I orgasmed. Yes, I had multiple orgasms but they weren't satisfying. Once I even chaffed my clit trying to get off deeper...longer.

Then I decided to try one of those vibrating eggs on a stick while I was using my pocket rocket. With that sort of intense vibration, I was over the moon. After my first orgasm, I called my girlfriend to tell her to incorporate vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation. One vibe wasn't enough.

Up until this point, I could only orgasm during partner sex from oral sex. It didn't occur to me to add a vibe or stimulate my clitoris myself. Sometimes if I didn't have an orgasm during partner sex I would reach for my vibe - guys really didn't like that.

This continued until Betty taught me about relaxation orgasms and building sexual energy. I still have to fight the urge to tense up all my muscles. I have to remember to let my orgasms build slowly - not chase them down and make them happen as quickly as possible.

Now, I use a glass dildo with my hitachi. I practice Betty's rock n' roll technique where I breath in and out while I roll my pelvis up - squeeze my pc muscles - and release. This clit/vag dichotomy has become such a polarizing feminist issue.  Is the clit the source of our divinity - what defines us as women - or is it the vagina?  I'm not sure when it became a choice. 

And then it hit me.  My clitoris isn't the source of my divinity - neither is my vagina.   F*ck my orgasm is the source of my divinity.  It didn't matter how I experienced orgasm it just mattered that I did orgasm.  Those early pressure orgasms helped me develop my sense of self...tension orgasms bridged the gap until I was able to really connect to myself through relaxation orgasms.  In my life, orgasm is the purest moment when I'm completely in my body and in touch with my true self.

I'm not going to judge other women for how they experience pleasure. I don't care how you orgasm as long as you do. There's so much pleasure available to us that these debates are ridiculous.   We have to stop competing. 

For me, it's not clit vs. vag...it's both.

Editor in Chief & Keeper of All Things Betty Dodson

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Couldn't Agree More Carlin

Sat, 09/15/2012 - 17:40
carlisleorama (not verified)

I'm like you, I love having sexual attention lavished on my clit. And my vulva. And my vagina. And my ass! And my mouth, my breasts, my... body really :)
While I only have what I feel are orgasms in the technical sense through clitoral or anal stimulation, I love the climaxes that occur for me through vaginal penetration. I love combining all sorts of stimulation to all my parts and having say... foot assisted clitoral orgasms while I'm being penetrated in my ass and having my vaginal opening rubbed. I also just love grabbing my vibrator and having a quick but deep little masturbation session with my clit.
Sexual pleasure is amazing, no matter where it comes from.

during sex is have a strong,

Sat, 09/15/2012 - 17:59
Damali (not verified)

during sex is have a strong, strong preference for my vagina to be played with. inside, outside. the labia especially. oh, how i love having my labia teased and played with. but when i'm alone and masturbating, it's the clit i go for. guys don't know how to deal with a clit, even when you tell them exactly how to play with it. so, i more or less save my clit for myself.

Thank you!

Sat, 09/15/2012 - 18:26
Bianca James (not verified)

I couldn't agree more- I need to have both types of stimulation to have the best orgasms.
Also, the gym rope thing isn't strictly clitoral- it's a coregasm. It's a whole documented phenomenon that happens when using certain muscles while working out!

I don't understand why some

Sat, 09/15/2012 - 19:35
Lara** (not verified)

I don't understand why some people want to still believe that the majority of women have/ should have their orgasms through vaginal intercourse alone. It really annoys me. Women should do what works for them and this website alone shows that a great deal of women NEED clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. Why are people trying to deny this?

And another thing I wanted to bring up is that I don't know how women can have vaginal orgasms to begin with. During my last pap smear the nurse told me that women who have to have surgery in the vaginia don't need that much anesthetic because only the first inch into the vaginia has nerve endings. Yeah sure vaginal intercourse feels good at the beginning when the penis goes in but I reckon those few nerve endings have nothing on the thousands that the clit has.

So why not take advantage of both sets of nerve endings for pleasure? why are people so fixed on choosing the method that has the least? Women want orgasms too and don't want to work extremely hard to get one!

The Clit was (and is) SO IMPORTANT

Mon, 09/17/2012 - 13:55

While I agree that orgasm in any fashion is key, I think it's worth noting how important it was to the feminist movement (the sex-positive one anyway) to single out the clit as a point of focus.

The clit isn't directly involved in serving male needs. It is a place that women have domain over. It's tricky, it's best stimulated by the owner herself. It's jampacked with nerve endings, and it's powerful. It's a step away from the mindset of "woman = receiver for a penis" and away from the idea that women should be having orgasms from men who are having sex for THEIR OWN orgasms. How much sexual dysfunction has been caused by that mentality!

So, really, that's what the clit symbolized, I think. If a woman can cum vaginally.. so much the better, and certainly, do stimulate every part of you that feels good. But, never forget how important to women's pleasure the clitoris was, and still is. 

one of the hotest things I

Wed, 09/19/2012 - 14:04

one of the hotest things I have ever read!

How did you not fall off the ropes?!

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