Part of the reason I decided to go off the pill is that, believe it or not, I'm not having a ton of sex. I haven't had this little partnersex since I was in high school. The irony isn't lost on me - I spend my whole day thinking and writing about sex - and the best sex I have is with myself.
I masturbate every day. I don't look at porn. At some point in the day, my pussy lets me know that she's had enough on the side lines and needs some "me" time. A little description of my masturbation practice:
I like to lube up Betty's vaginal barbell, tighten and release my pc muscles as I insert it deeper and deeper into my vagina - then grab my hitachi. I can orgasm using the hitachi by itself but when I add vaginal penetration - it's sublime.
I practice Betty's rock n' roll technique. I lie on my back...feet spread shoulder length apart...and lift my pelvis up while I squeeze my pc muscles. I hold the hitachi in one place and let my vulva glide up and down so the vibrator isn't directly on my clitoris the whole time. I have to wait for the vibration to hit my clitoris. It's the tease that allows me to build up sexual energy.
Then, I grab the barbell with my index and middle fingers and glide it in and out of my vagina pushing down with my fingers as I pull it out an inch or two so the large ball on the end of the barbell runs over my g-spot. The barbell goes in straight and then I angle it up towards my g-spot as I pull it out (and I don't pull it out all the way...just glide it in and out a few inches).
Generally it takes me about 10-15 mintues to have my first orgasm with about 5 minute intervals between each following orgasm. The whole time I was on the pill I had multiple orgasms so I didn't think it was affecting me sexually UNTIL YESTERDAY.
I decided to masturbate before I went to the gym because my pussy was in over drive. I could feel my juices running down the inside of my vagina. I haven't felt this sort of lubrication in decades. There was no way I was going to be able to run 4 miles on the treadmill unless I squeezed a few out.
I got myself all set up with my lubed up barbell and the hitachi and started my rock n' roll technique when 3 minutes into it I had a super huge orgasm. I mean my heart was racing - it came out of nowhere. I backed off and ran the hitachi over the inside of my thighs and up to my nipples to relax a bit before going back for more. Bam another huge orgasm. 1, 2, 3, 4 super huge orgasms right in a row.
I couldn't believe it. I don't remember ever coming this big. I stopped at orgasm #4 because I was worried about getting a super clit/vulva erection. I've rendered my pussy super-erect unable to withstand the chaffing of a run in the past.
I sat there in my orgasm afterglow with a smile from ear to ear. With all the stress around me, going off the pill and letting my body return to itself was the best decision ever.
My orgasms will carry me through anything life throws at me. I thought about Liandra's post about how pleasure has the "capacity to heal, sustain and support us in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for as long as we live". It's so important for women to be in touch with their bodies and their orgasm.
It's not about our relationships or how thin we are or what designer we wear. Pleasure is our power. Orgasm is our divinity.