Acknowledging a Physical Desire Built More Integrity Than Feigning Love

Sat, 01/05/2013 - 09:19
Submitted by Caitlin Roberts

Dear Jenna,

My name is Caitlin Roberts, and I am a slut.

By your definition, I suppose I am a retired slut, but I still hold on dearly to the title.

There have been many enlightening responses to your latest video regarding your confusion about the choices sluts make. Laci Green and Haley G Hoover have put together very informative monologues (if you haven’t watched them, I recommend you do, they both still love you).

Alas, as I am letting it be known to the entire internet world through this blog, I am a slut. A very happy and contented slut. So it feels only appropriate that a slut respond to your curiosities.

I started my slut-hood at a young age, some would say. Which came with its own set of problems, much similar to the ones you mentioned in your videos. I had low self-esteem as a teenager in regards to my physical appearance and would often make imbalanced choices that seemed, at the time, like they may boost this problem (a problem that every single girl goes through unless you’ve come out of the womb as a mutant sexpot mix of Aphrodite and Marilyn Monroe).

Now, ideally, no young woman should gain her self confidence by having sex with various partners. But, unfortunately, there are no great systems available to those same young women informing them that they are indeed attractive and beautiful. Nor are there many that will just sit them down and tell them how friggin’ smart or intelligent they are.

And maybe it was not the best way to absorb this information, but after a week in Cuba at 18, my confidence meter was pretty arrogant.

And, although I did consume alcohol on that trip, I was sober every time I made the decision to sleep with someone. Actually, I was completing a crossword at 9pm while drinking coffee at a piano bar during one of those decision-making times. (Yeah… I was odd for an 18-year-old on a parentless trip to a hot island.)

For a few years after this revelation of my own personal awesomeness, I continued to have frequent casual sex. Either with people I was dating, or people I had met just for the night. I was very content and happy with my sexual lifestyle. I was introduced to non-monogamy very early and the concept appealed to me tenfold. Why? I wanted to have sex. I didn’t want to force myself to fall in love with someone I only maybe liked a little bit. But I definitely could have sex with that person, respect them, make them coffee in the morning and high five them on their way out the door for an epic evening of epicness.

In my personal opinion, acknowledging a physical desire and making (responsible) choices to care for and cherish those desires built more integrity in my character than feigning love with someone who didn’t bother me too much.

Now, I am all too aware that this is not the lifestyle choice of everybody (my mother reminds me daily). And now that I am wrapped within the warm and fuzzy bounds of a monogamous relationship with someone I am head over heels in love with, it is a very long ways away that my mind could even contemplate enjoying a sexual encounter with someone other than my husband.

But yet, I still do not give up my slut title. Why, you might ask?

Because I am a firm believer that if I am making sexual choices that are informed (meaning I understand and recognize what the potential consequences may be) and I am happy and content with those choices, and this what being a slut is, than yes. I am STILL a slut.

I just wanted to let you know that I thought I was in the wrong. That although I was happy with my decisions, every time I woke up the next morning I was slapped in the face by what society was telling me: that I was unworthy because I was letting so many people close to my body, that because I wasn’t in love my sexuality was dirty, that giving into my desires was irregular and that I should have had more self-control.

But this was because nobody told me otherwise. I had nothing else to bank off except my mothers beliefs, the media, and what the school system was teaching me. I had to go looking for information. I very recently had a 16-year-old girl tell me that after reading my article about virginity, it was the first time in 2 years that she did not feel guilt or shame about losing her v-card.

My point here is that unless you had gone looking for information about slut-shaming or rape culture, you likely had no idea about the intricately woven story that is ‘promiscuous’ female sexuality. And although not ideal for someone speaking to so many young women, I can truly understand how you would have not been informed.

I guess we could say that my Christmas wish to you, dear Jenna, is that you, hopefully, may have gained an insight after this onslaught of people making you videos and writing you internet letters, and may be able to inform all the other girls out there who also don’t know this information exists, and perhaps relieve them of any fear or shame of their sexual choices and take the blame off of those that are victims of sexual assault.

I would be a very happy camper if this could come true.

Sincerely yours,

Caitlin the Slut.

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