Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Penis… Penis…  PENIS!!!

All you fellow fans of The Penis Game out there will pick up what I’m throwing down when I say that penises can be pretty funny. We draw them in foggy windows, find them scratched into desks and even make snow dicks when the weather is conducive to winter wonderland conditions. 

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If you’ve seen How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days (RIP so many brain cells), you may remember Kate Hudson’s character buying a “relationship fern” in an attempt to drive a man to dump her.

Though that movie sucks, and  it revolves almost entirely around gender stereotypes, the writers may have been onto something.

Relationships, platonic or romantic, are sort of like living organisms. You have to tend to and maintain them. Some are short-lived connections with the life span of a goldfish, and some last to 50th anniversaries.

But the best thing we can take from the admittedly lame analogy of plants as relationships is that they need space. They need to breathe.

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The worst part of declaring that my post-graduate future (which hangs ever so delicately in self-conscious limbo), which will revolve around human sexuality, is telling my parents.

They keep asking how I will make money, tip-toeing to avoid the large elephant in the (very small) room—that their first born is switching from pre-healthcare to TRIPLE-X SEX!

I fully stand by my decision to actively participate in society’s compound knowledge of human sexuality. While perceptions of those who study sexuality can range from perversion to a lack of seriousness, I contend that sexuality is incredibly important and more pervasive than we give it credit for being.

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You’ve gotta be able to give and take in order to have balance in a healthy relationship. With this comes a delicious sort of tension in any romantic exchange between partners: the push and pull.

So what do I mean when I say push and pull?

Historically, I first realized I was utilizing the principle whilst mackin.’ Making out always presented itself to me as a little game. I loved (and still love) to be playful and keep my kissee on their soon-to-be-curling toes.

I noticed two main kissing routes: forward and assertive—especially with tongue involved—and a more soft, reactionary route.

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Crinkle, pop, gulp: many women pop The Pill every single day without giving it a second thought. For decades oral contraceptives have been infused in our culture, yet controversy and mystery still surround the cute little packet of pills toted around by so many high school or college women.

Last year marked the 50th anniversary of oral contraceptive birth control. If you think about it, this magical little pill has only been around about as long as your parents have been alive. Your grandparents, on the other hand, grew up in a time before the innovation came to fruition.

Many of my female friends casually mention they are on the pill, yet most have never questioned this seemingly perfect pharmaceutical, let alone heard of the implications on relationships it can have.

Wow. So honored to be writing a blog for my all-time favorite website and daily inspiration. This site has helped me through some dark times for sure.

I write the sex column for my university’s newspaper so this dream-come-true came to fruition after I sent a link to my columns to Carlin and she wanted to post one on the site. If you would have told me a year or more ago that I would be running the word “cumshot” in the school newspaper or giving advice on blowjobs, I would have laughed. Or more realistically, been supremely dubious and really uncomfortable. Long story short, I have come a LONG way and feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes of religious repression, psychological trauma (my parent’s divorce and the resulting anxiety disorder) and low self-esteem/comfort with myself.

Imagine, if you will, that you are getting intimate with a partner who, for the sake of visualization, is a guy. Things are getting pretty heated, and recalling a particularly unorthodox tip in the most recent Cosmopolitan, you take out your secret weapon: a donut.

Yes, a donut. What you are going to do next will change fellatio forever (probably in a bad way, but there’s nothing wrong with a little kink in the right context). As the “Bible of Sex” commands thee, you take out the donut, put it on his penis, and proceed to eat it off. Turned on yet?