America’s premier advice columnist, Dear Abby, received a letter from a distraught young woman. While going through her fiancée’s iPhone she stumbled upon some gay porn sites. Concerned about her beau’s sexual identity and gravely worried about their upcoming nuptial, she posed Abby with the question whether viewing gay porn classified ‘Mr. Maybe’ as a closet homosexual or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Abby referred her inquiry to Larry Flynt and a psychologist. The creator of Penthouse ruled that the likelihood was great her fiancée did indeed have covert homosexual tendencies. The ‘shrink’ suggested people can fantasize about same sex dalliances but that does not necessarily bear any impact on their sexual orientation.
I think both of these responses undeniably carry some truth; nevertheless, they lacked some fundamental perspectives on sex, beauty, and love.
Without getting into the right-to-privacy and homophobic arguments reeking in Ms. Concerned’s letter, I’d first like to share what I learned from a good friend as to what is basic understanding about anyone’s sexuality/sexual orientation-identity. At heart, it is a function of who we love as our significant other, lifelong companion, or spouse. Pretty simple. This works for me. I’ve been married thirty-seven years to a woman I want to be with for eternity. I am eternally grateful to the benevolence of the Universe for putting me on this trail to the discovery of Love. I have come to believe that Love is the greatest source of power, goodwill, transcendence, harmony, healing, well-being, empathy, sexuality…I’m panting out of breath listing Love’s attributes.
Now Beauty. We find beauty in a birdsong, the Golden Mean built into the dimensions of the Parthenon, autumnal foliage, ideal human physiques, joyful smiles, genitalia, breastfeeding mothers…we are hard-wired to be awestruck by the infinite manifestations of aesthetics. This goes beyond our cognitions, even our emotions take some time to catch up to our initial response to first contact with archetypes of le beau ideal. The allure of beauty opens the doorway to our hearts. Saint Augustine stated, “For love is the beauty of the soul.”
No matter our viewpoint on the pros and cons of porn, among many of its performers are those with gorgeous bodies, living Greek statues of divine proportions that excite our amygdala. Beauty transcends sexual orientation. Beauty should not be stigmatized or charged with exclusivity. Beauty can be enjoyed by everyone. Males should not fear being vilified for admiring muscular, ripped, well-hung studs in any type of sexual enterprise. The same goes for women mesmerized by viewing sexual divas explicitly exercising their sensuality in the company of others or alone.
Since Abby didn’t seek my advice, I’ll recommend the following to Ms. Concerned: whereas your fiancée watches porn, he probably enjoys masturbating. And, since he likes masturbating, there’s a good chance he nurtures a generous portion of self-love. I’m guessing he even likes to look at and admire his own manhood. He might even have a name for him. And there’s nothing wrong with admiring or fantasizing about other people’s beautiful genitalia. On the contrary, your beau is quite lucky to be unscathed by the vitriol of homophobes and dogmatic catechisms. You are fortunate for having the opportunity to let Love clean away the murk of fear and perversion from your soul.
Things are beautiful if you love them (Jean Anouilh). Love the cock! Love the vulva!