My past sexual experiences with men have been traumatic, and I'm now wanting to give dating another shot, but my fear of intimacy stops me dead in my tracks. My past "lovers" have all either cheated on me, hit me, or verbally or sexually abused me (or some combination thereof). Two years ago, I stopped dating and devoted my energies to seeking out therapists, doctors, physical therapists, and others who could help me put the pieces back together. I feel like now I've done all of the work I can do on my own, and I'm ready to try dating again. But I also know that once I meet someone I'll only have a window of time before intimacy issues come up.
i am 25. for years i've said: i can't orgasm. i've read your books, other books, watched feminist porn, read susie bright, watched non-feminist porn, had all kinds of sex, used vibrators, even the magic wand. today i was with a straight female friend and she decided to help me get off using my magic wand and an attachment. it was great, intense, my legs shook. she said it was an orgasm. i've done this before and never called it that.
it seems like climbing a hill and stopping--i never felt an release, any minor explosion. yet, my friend believes physiologically (& perhaps mentally) it was an orgasm. discharge came out, my vagina looked like an orgasm. so have i been expecting too much all of these years? can it just be a little leg shaking and moaning?
Hi Dr. Betty!
I have just discovered this website today, and am so happy to have stumbled (web surfed) upon such a wonderful thing.
Dear Dr Betty,
I am 24 and for the last 5 years or so have suffered what I initially believed to be recurrent thrush. I do everything I can to avoid it, e.g. use soft sea sponges soaked in tea tree oil for menstrual protection, wear only cotton panties (and no underwear whenever I can get away with it!), wash my vagina with water only and make sure to dry it thoroughly. These measures have helped a little, but I still frequently have a sore and itchy vulva. It doesn't respond to anti-fungal treatments and I have realized that it is not usually due to thrush at all, but something more like a skin irritation.
Social security has a $2.6B surplus - the Koch brothers and their lobbyists would have you believe it's on the verge of bankruptcy. They want to increase the retirement age to 70 and do everything they can to dismantle government. Please forward this video:
It's embarrassing to admit that the Koch brothers grew up in my hometown of Wichita Kansas. They are a pair of deadly corporate greed bags that want it all. Thanks to Senator Bernie Sanders, a man with the guts to tell it like it is!
Hi Dr Betty!,
Yet another question. Can one contract a UTI by using a dildo for both vaginal and clit stimulation? After doing that (no anal play involved), I got a wicked one that went into my kidney and I'm a little apprehensive about getting off again using that method. (Peeing fire is definitely not fun!)
I know you are not an MD, but thought your priceless experience might be able to shed a little light on things.
I want to know about the safest sexual practices I can use, besides abstention. I am lesbian, single and want to insure I'm not bringing anything home I don't want. Are gloves and dental dams the only option, besides getting everyone tested? Sucking on a dental dam is about a wonderful as sucking on a balloon and if guys think rubbers suck. They should try to use a dental dam.
When it comes to lesbian sex I personally don't believe we need to wear gloves or necessarily use dental dams. If your partner hasn't been tested and you have any doubts, Seran wrap is better than a rubber dam. But in that case, I'd prefer to enjoy manual sex instead. Frankly if we had to rely on dental dams it would be the end of oralsex altogether.
I’m almost twenty years old, and female. I’ve never had an orgasm.
I have no problem with getting aroused. I think about sex a lot, I want sex a lot, and I fantasize regularly. However, touching myself/being touched/having sex doesn’t seem to work right for me. I love sex–I love the idea of a man being inside me, I love touching a man, pleasuring him, I just don’t seem to get the physical pleasure other girls do. Often, sex is very painful for me.
Hi Dr Betty,
I just need a little advice/guidance, and I greatly value yours. I'm having a difficult time with orgasm, and I do know why. I think my sexuality is so meshed with the man that 'woke me up' sexually, but is now being a distant asshole, that I can't break the two apart. Both facets of this situation are incredibly frustrating for me. How can I get out my mind and into my body? I also have anxiety issues, which makes this 'out of my head, into my body' task that much more difficult.
Thanks for all your wonderful advice and lovely art.
Hi Betty, so this is my problem, I am lesbian and came out to a friend of mine about a week ago she said it was cool and that she had feelings in that way about someone. When i asked who it was she told me it was me who she liked and asked me if i wanted to be her girlfriend.
I said yes. This made me really happy, we talked none stop for a couple of days but then out of the blue she wont talk to me even if I ask her whats going on. Now there is a rumor (even though its true I dont want people know) that I like her? So my question is does she like me, was it all a lie or is she just scared?
Robert Reich is my latest heart throb. This guy is so smart he can lay out America's financial problem in 2 and a half minutes. I've already sent him a love letter but since I didn't hear back, I'm gonna send another one.
I need some advise. I am a mum to 2 kids, 10 & 12. I'm not your average mother. I have quite different views on a lot of issues and one of them is sex and sexuality as a instinctual part of who we are as human beings which is why you have always been of interest to me. I am very open with my children about such matters and have no qualms discussing sex or bodies with them.
I’ve finally learned my lesson with the Anthony Weiner incident of texting a photo of his penis on Twitter. BFD!
This hard working Congressman is one of the few Democrats who speaks his mind unlike the spineless shits who cave into Republican demands. My response to these uproars over some poor public persona getting raked over the coals for a moment of sexual pleasure that strayed beyond marital monogamous sex is to simply ignore it. Now I realize that’s the wrong approach.
First let me say you are an absolute inspiration and thanks for all the knowledge you've shared with us all on this site.
I often work in situations where I live and work with a small group of people and develop crushes on people just because we spend so much time together. Right now I have strong feelings for a guy I work with but I know we wouldn't be good for each other in a relationship. It would be weird if we hooked up because we have to spend so much time together in this small work group. I don't like his personality but I can't stop thinking about his body! It's just a physical attraction, not mental or emotional. Things would get messy if anything happened between us... but I can't stop thinking about him! What would you do in this situation?
After watching the group orgasm vid I am wondering where I can learn more about the ritual that is ancient. The prehistory of woman and the god of sexual health and abundance.
Where and when did they go to church to have sex?