I'm in my mid 30's and have been having orgasms since I was a teenager. During my 20's I had very low libido but have found that things are changing now! But I've been feeling orgasms differently now than I used to. Not all the time, but often, I will feel them in my bottom. Instead of feeling the contractions in my vagina, I feel it in my anus. I do like it and find it interesting, but I haven't been able to find any information on why this is suddenly happening. Until I felt it, I had no idea you could feel an orgasm there. Is this common? Thanks for your advice!
First off, I'm a huge fan of your blog and have been reading your work(Betty) since I was 12!
My question is regarding the intensity and type of orgasms I have since starting anti-depressants.
I never had any orgasms till I started a long-term relationship. Though I had masturbated as a child (rubbing against things, the classic) I never came during sex. However, after exploring and experimenting I found I could have dynamite orgasms during penetration, oral, with my hands and with a vibrator. It was great! I felt like a champ and was fully satisfied sexually.
I am 19, almost 20, and I have never reached orgasm. I know I shouldn't but it's getting to the point that it really frustrates me. I have tried masturbating many times, using my hands and using a vibrator but it just doesn't seem to be my thing. It works for a bit but just levels out into nothing. I'm comfortable with it but just don't like it. The more personal contact I have with another person the more uninhibited and turned on I get.
My boyfriend of going on a year now tries all the time, it has become his goal to make me orgasm. He's the only thing that seems to almost get me there.
I wrote to you a while ago asking you why you thought I was afraid of sex/men, and whether it had anything to do with the pain I'd experienced for years as a result of having a thick hymen, or perhaps my issues with my father. You published it under the title 'Hymen removed, now afraid of sex" or something along those lines. Anyway, I have since been diagnosed with vulvodynia and I now have a new question for you.
I know you're not a vulvodynia expert, and that no-one really knows what causes this horrible disorder, but I have a theory and would like your opinion on it.
I was browsing your website the other day, (I discovered it about two months ago and I feel like the people on this website are reading my mind) and I came across an article where you mentioned that ten years of anti-depressant usage will affect your ability to orgasm. This freaked me out because I am 18, just discovering my sexuality, and I never knew that anti-depressants can affect your orgasm. I have always been a sexual person, I've masturbated since I was about ten or so, but I've just started having partner sex. I've usually been able to reach orgasm pretty fast, but over the years its been taking longer and longer to reach orgasm.
My husband's health problems have left us with a nonexistent sex life. Due to diabetes and the meds he takes it's unlikely it will ever get any better. I am 51 and hubby is 55, I feel like I am too young to give up the sexual aspect of a marriage!
I love your site and it has helped me take control of my orgasm and know exactly what to do, and here is the problem. My boyfriend seems to prefer quickies more than foreplay, as soon as he gets erect he wants to use it. He is 48 and I am 22 and he's had some problems with erections and I think he is worried that as soon as he's ready he has to use it. This upsets me because he doesn't try to get me aroused which means it will take me longer to orgasm and so I end up not having one. How to I get him to stop stressing and relax and spend time on me. It really is frustrating.
Hi, i am just currious to how does every pornstar have such a large manhood. I am currently average i guess ud say, around 6in. How does one become larger, or is there anything i or we men could do?
There are penis exercises that some guys say increase their size. But for the most part, it's quite tedious and many men just stop doing it. I see it as similar to a woman who decides to retire her vibrator so she can orgasm without one. They eventually abandon the effort.
Every time my boyfriend plays wit my clit & it starts to feel really good my legs start to shake. i have to tell him to stop. He tells me to relax but i cant, they shake like crazy. Is that normal? What does it mean?
Your shaking or trembling legs mean that sex energy is moving so stay with it. Breathe into the sensation, plant your feet with knees bent, rock your pelvis, squeeze and release your pelvic floor muscle and go ahead and have an orgasm. Trying to relax is ridiculous. Does he relax when he's about to come? Forget normal and focus on what feels good.
Hi Dr Betty
I am 18 years old and i have just bought my first sex toy (well, aside from a bullet i had once) it's a rabbit vibe, its the Mantric Bumpy Bunny and i love it, but i was just wondering if you have any tips that could help me enjoy it more? i like to gently thrust it but thats all i do really. any tips to change things up a bit so that things wont get boring?
Thanks so much
The best sex toy for a teen is her fingers dipped in an organic massage oil. Sounds to me like you are just putting your toy inside your vagina. Your clitoris is the primary path to orgasms. Read the website especially "How to Orgasm" at the top of the left hand column. Then have a Happier New Year.
Betty: I'm referring to December and January when I say Seasons Greetings. Now that I'm past obligatory family stuff and simply dealing with a few close friends, these two months are a great time for me. Instead of frantically shopping for gifts and making the party rounds, I actually have time to enjoy reading back New Yorkers, clearing out a closet and rearranging my back room to accommodate a new stationary bike.
Dear Betty and Carlin,
Sometimes my orgasm is elusive; other times, it’s right there. A year and a half ago, I was new to the whole masturbating experience. At the age of 52, I was in a sexless marriage, perimenopausal and hopeless regarding sex ever happening in my life again. My therapist recommended getting a vibrator and I scoffed. What I craved was the touch of a man, not a toy.
Then a friend came into my life who convinced me that even if I couldn’t have partner sex, I should learn to do it myself. I was tentative at first, but I learned, and I continue to learn all the time. It’s never too late to learn; it’s never too late to find the joy of being self-sexual. I’ve learned so much from your website, and I am eternally grateful.
Okay. Here it comes. I've never had a real orgasm. Or at least I tell myself that. The thing is that I never really think I have had an orgasm during masturbation or sex. I'm always very very close, but it's stop just before I get off. I think I was really close yesterday when my eyes were crisscrossing (is that the right word?) and I let myself go, but I ended up disappointed because I didn't feel any warmth or anything, just the "almost there" feeling again.
I hope this finds you well and all set for Kissmass. I need to pick your brains on something. My daughter has decided she wants to try tampons instead of pads. So we sat down on the weekend and I did the period related "show and tell" with her first with a mirror in the bathroom. So she had a good idea of her bits and what a vagina is and where a tampon goes and why it is important to relax.