Betty Dodson's blog

I "Lose My Clit" When My Legs are Open During Sex

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:35
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have read your books and have been reading your website which has been very informative. What I am wondering about is that when my partner and I have intercourse and I am either touching myself or using a vibrator I seem to "lose my clit". Somehow having my legs in an open position makes it difficult to get the right pressure on my clit so that I can orgasm. It's not a question of being aroused but of what happens to my clit. Might you have any advice?

Dear J,

Glad to hear my information is beneficial. It's good that you are trying to stimulate your own clitoris during partnersex. I suspect you just need to keep practicing. Try masturbating in positions that are similar to when you have partnersex. I find applying pressure to my

30 Year Old Virgin Scared About My First Time

Sun, 08/21/2011 - 09:31
Submitted by Betty Dodson

HI I'm almost 30 years old and I'm still virgin, I'm afraid 'cause I dont know what I´m going to say or do when the times come ... I don't know what am I going to tell when I start a relationship again ... I just when I had the opportunity I did't feel they are the correct boys ...

Dear V,

They recently made a movie about a 40 year old virgin who was a man! So it's not such a big deal. If you are masturbating you are having sex. We really don't ever have to do intercourse unless a couple has a family in mind. Even then, donor insemination happens more often than we realize. When your meet a person and want to have his penis inside you, just say: "Lucky you! This is my first time doing vaginal penetration with a live penis."

I Prefer "Peaking" Over Ejaculating

Tue, 08/16/2011 - 16:12
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I love your site! It's great to have someone like you out there willing to answer questions about intimate subjects! My question is this: I love masturbating, and over the years, my "technique" has grown to be more focused on the process, instead of just the outcome! Here's what I mean: I love to slowly coax myself close to the point of ejaculation many times in a row before comming! I can sometimes do this for a couple of hours before I can't take it any longer;and then, when I come, it's exquisite! I really prefer this sort of masturbation to the more hurried form I used to utilize.

How Do I Get My Mind to Stop So I Can Orgasm?

Fri, 08/12/2011 - 18:29
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

We semi-know each other -- I was Eric Francis' Associate Editor at Planet Waves a few years ago and we both contributed a masturbation essay for one of Eric's sex series. First of all, I just want to say thank you for your commitment to sex positivity -- I'm 26 and there are so many women my age that NEVER look at their vaginas, let alone masturbate or orgasm.

I've always been very sex positive, and love my body and sex with women and, now, men. Lately though, I'm having trouble orgasming, both alone and with my boyfriend. I think it's because there's too much going on in my head; I got a new job that's exciting but very stressful, I'm a musician and working pretty intensely on recording with my band, and moved in with my boyfriend in July.

Should I Become an Escort?

Mon, 08/08/2011 - 08:40
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty and Carlin (and possibly Liandra and Christina),

I am hoping that you can give me some advice in regards to entering into sex work. I have the opportunity to take up work as an escort in October, but am not sure whether or not to do it. I'm a student that could really use the cash but have never had sex with someone I am not in a relationship with and don't know how I would feel in the moment when it's time to get laid/paid. I have laid out my provisions (paid a set amount each time, protection ALWAYS, and needing to see a clean STD test prior to any sexual contact) and am wondering what else I can do to help make this decision easier/safer. I understand that there is no absolute way to tell until I'm in the situation, but maybe you could help shed a little light?

August 5, 1981 - The Day the Middle Class Died

Sat, 08/06/2011 - 16:16
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Michael Moore declares August 5, 1981 the day the middle class in America died:

"On August 5, 1981, President Ronald Reagan fired every member of the air traffic controllers union (PATCO) who'd defied his order to return to work and declared their union illegal. They had been on strike for just two days.

It was a bold and brash move. No one had ever tried it. What made it even bolder was that PATCO was one of only three unions that had endorsed Reagan for president! It sent a shock wave through workers across the country. If he would do this to the people who were with him, what would he do to us?

Sex with Women is About Love & Passion. Sex with Men is about Submission. Is This Healthy?

Sat, 08/06/2011 - 11:10
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I've been following you for a long while and I've contacted you before concerning a couple different issues and your advice always helped me work it out, I want to thank you for that. But I'm in a new situation.

Recently I had my best girl friend over and her boyfriend, we'd been hanging out a lot lately-the three of us. I've always been close with her physically. A lot of hugging, cuddling, playful fondling. During our cuddle time he started initiating sex with her and we all ended up having a wonderful sexual experience. None of us regret it and between me and him we kept our own boundaries, our concentration never wavered from pleasing my best friend.

Why Don't I Enjoy Clitoral Stimulation?

Thu, 08/04/2011 - 09:28
Submitted by Betty Dodson

First off, THANK you for living and breathing! This site has helped me realize that I am not alone in wanting to explore and own my sexuality as a woman!

The first and most important question I have is as follows:

I can only cum by stimulating the areas around my clitoris. I've tried stimulating it before, but any kind of pressure feels tender and hurts. Likewise, I find that after I cum (when using a vibrator) I have to quickly remove it or it hurts almost immediately. What is going on?!

Dear L,

So happy you are on board with D&R. The clitoris has some 8000 nerve endings and is VERY sensitive as you have discovered. Right after we come, most clits need to take a breather and calm down a bit. However, she is often ready to go again within a few moments, say a minute or two.

"That's Controlled Demolition"

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:04
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Out of the blue, my Dutch friend Magenta recently asked me how I had experienced 9/11. The following email is what I sent her:

That morning both Eric and I were awakened by the phone ringing incessantly. I finally picked up and it was Eric's mom in Virginia telling me to turn on TV. I did and it was just in time to see the second plane fly into the other tower. As I watched the towers come down for the next hour, at one point I turned to Eric and said, "That's controlled demolition!" He said nothing while I repeated my claim unable to understand why they were deliberately bringing the towers down?

I Can Only Orgasm Squeezing My Legs Together

Tue, 08/02/2011 - 17:07
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi, Betty.

I would first like to say that I LOVE your website. I'm 16 and have always had a lot of sexual curiosity and I love when people, like yourself can speak freely about a topic that has, unfortunately been so down played and criticized by our society. Thank you and Carlin for all you do.

I Hate Sex :(

Mon, 08/01/2011 - 08:25
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I think men do not understand that many women do not care about sex. "Thanks" to the media, men are sexually over-stimulated 24/7 by ever-present images of porn stars and models PAID to appear naked and horny. I believe this is where men get the idea that women love sex as much as men do, and do not understand that majority of the female population have sex just to please their men and keep the relationship going.

Time to Smash the Ceiling

Thu, 07/28/2011 - 13:02
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Mark Karlin, the editor of BuzzFlash at Truthout answered one of my burning questions today: Why doesn't Obama invoke the 14th amendment and end this ridiculous charade with Boener, the orange peacock posing as a tough guy?

Mark pointed out that "Obama and his advisers know that if he bypasses Congress by using the 14th Amendment, it will immediately be challenged in the federal courts - which are loaded with partisan Republican judges - and fast tracked to the Supreme Court.

Why Do I Feel So Guilty When I Masturbate?

Thu, 07/28/2011 - 10:22
Submitted by Betty Dodson


Ok my problem is that I feel guilty when I masturbate :s. As soon as I orgasm I'm filled with guilt and feel as if I'm terrible person. I've tried to loose the habit by trying to keep going after I orgasm but my mind sticks on you shouldn't be doing this and it just goes around and around in my head so I just lose arousal :s. What do I do? I've now got into the habit of just rubbing my clit really hard for a quick release, as sometimes the guilt comes before I even climax. I'm 26 now and this has been going on for as long as I can remember. I'm now starting to feel guilty when I watch porn too :s. If I'm with a guy it doesn't happen but alone I feel awful and ashamed :(.


Dear C,

My Review of Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality

Wed, 07/27/2011 - 09:32
Submitted by Betty Dodson

As my friends know, I'm not much of a book reader. I'd much rather write one than read one. It's simple, really. I have a reading comprehension disability that requires me to repeat a paragraph more than once to "get it." For some reason, maybe it's aging or maybe it's the iPad, but I just discovered that reading with one makes the process so much more enjoyable.