I am a 20 year old college student. From a very early age I have been a very sexual, I was always diddling myself, and rocking on pillows as you mention on your podcast. Most of the people around seem so judgmental and prude. I've never considered myself a slut, but I was just wondering how you guys deal with these people, and their criticism of your feminist pro-sex lifestyle?
Also, my major is women's and gender studies at the university of Missouri-Columbia. I am intelligent, but find the college system to be lacking, and not effective. Im thinking about quitting and going my own way. I love you guys so much! You both are such an inspiration to me, and ultimately you guys have become my role models. What can I do to help with this movement, how can I get involved??
We cannot overcome painful intercourse. we are both 55. I think it is a combination of thin vaginal walls and frequent yeast infections. It is only one spot. My wife comes with the hitachi. Is there a thin penile sheath other than a condom that will permit intercourse. Penetration is mostly for the closeness, we both come through mutual masturbation.
I have a very good friend whom I am trying to help with her sexual problems. She can only achieve orgasm, albeit a very mild one, when she lies in the bathtub and lets the water run over her clitoris. Even then the feelings are not that strong. However, when she rubs her clitoris with her own fingers she feels absolutely nothing, describing it like rubbing her arm or leg. She is 18 and in very good health. She was raised in a very religious household that gave her many negative images about sex.
I'm 20 years old and I've experienced serious long-term relationships, casual dating, and simply "friends with benefits" type of situation. Currently, I am in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, he is a great guy and the sex is great too. I've never felt so comfortable sexually with anyone like this before.
We are both open to trying new things with one another. However, the relationship is long distance. I go to school in santa cruz and he lives in san diego. He visits once a month and we see each other when I come home for breaks.
This is going to sound pretty weird, but I have orgams in my sleep about one a week. In class, I can think myself to lighter orgasm as I fantasize being with my man. But when it comes to masturbating with my hands or with my vibrator, I find it much harder to stimulate myself. Often times, my clitoris will just go numb after going for a while. Why is this?!
Same goes with my pillow humping technique... this probably pleasures me the most (it was my first method of coming to orgasm), but I'll often get numbed out after humping my pillow and feeling close to orgasm. Just a little frustrating.
Thanks so much for your encouragement and resources! I've been following your articles since I was 15 :)
I am a 5'4" female and my partner is a 6'5" male. I have never been with a partner who is so much larger than me and we are having a lot of trouble finding intercourse positions that work...either I am too short, or he is too tall! Could you suggest some to try?
I'd suggest you get on top or the two of you try doggie style. And remember, there is more to partnersex than intercourse. You will have no problems with manual or oral sex. The only one I see that would be difficult is postion A, man on top which always was my least favorite. Have fun!
hi there Betty,
I have headed over to your website hoping you can help me. I am a young woman of just 19 years of age but I have had plenty of bad experiences in relationships. I started suffering with depression and anxiety at just 14 when I started a relationship of 2 years full of mental abuse and cheating, leading me to believe I was useless, disgusting to look at, I would never find anyone who could "handle" me and I was imagining things, thinking I was very mentally ill. After that 2 years my mother caught my ex abusing me and I then realised I wasn't ill.
The most common course for entering the field of sexuality is usually the study of psychology. However, many sex researchers, educators, therapists and sexologists have had backgrounds in medicine, sociology and nursing to name a few. One of our best sex researchers Alfred Kinsey was an entomologist studying gall wasps.
Alex Comfort the author of The Joy of Sex was a zoologist. Some sex educators have studied Eastern teachings of Tanta and Taoist religions or they began their careers working in sex stores or had backgrounds in the Adult Industry. My schooling was the study of fine art. So there are many paths to become involved in the field of human sexuality.
I have been an avid reader of your books and website for years now. One of the most important things I have taken from everything is to have sex for pleasure, not for a goal (orgasm). I have found that this makes masturbation and partner sex so much more enjoyable, but my current boyfriend doesn't seem to agree.
He will continually ask if I have "gotten off yet" during sex, which really bothers me and makes it nearly impossible to enjoy. He will also beat himself up if I don't orgasm. I've tried to communicate that this bothers me and needs to change, but he seems to have a one-track mind. He just doesn't get it, and it is seriously hindering both our pleasure. Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do about this situation?
Thank you, Betty!
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. He is kind, loyal, and trustworthy. He often brings home flowers and he always makes me breakfast on the weekends. However, I do not feel comfortable opening up sexually. In the past, I maintained a fear of intimacy by having one night stands--so this is my first relationship. When he kisses me, I feel like I'm suffocating or being smothered. Even if we try to take things slow, I'm often thinking that he's just seducing me in order to fuck me.
One positive sign for religion that I saw recently on television was a program about Ted Haggard. He was the pastor who fell from grace due to a sex scandal with some guy. Haggard along with his wife and five kids have started a new church in their barn based on Love and Forgiveness. Now there’s a forgotten Christian concept!
I’m from Uruguay (a little country in southamerica). In my country it isn’t that easy to find your kind of help. My story is sad, by fortunately is having a happy ending. I’m 33 years old and I’ve lost my virginity when I was 17 because I was raped. Sadly, I was raced in a VERY catholic family and masturbation was out of the equation.
It took me more than 10 years to realize (and accept!) I couldn’t come, and due to my own long research, I finally masturbate until I experienced my first orgasm 3 years ago! I’m really proud of myself! After that, I learn to have an orgasm during intercourse touching my clitoris, which my make me more proud!!
I would like to know is their a thing as too much masturbation for men? You read certain stories that tell you that to much masturbation can cause a whole list of problems, but at the end of the story they are trying to sell you a magic pill to reverse all these problems. as a man who has masturbated for years sometimes daily I would just like to know the real story.
I am 32 and I am unable to have an orgasm. I bought your Self-Loving For Women DVD and have followed all the great advice and tried it out but after masturbating for up to an hour (not for the first time) and still feeling very little pleasure, quite frankly I got bored and depressed that I couldn't achieve what others seem to achieve easily. Plus, it doesn't seem very exciting when it's just me stimulating myself.
When I have had sex with partners over the years, I enjoy it to a certain extent but after a while the sensation diminishes and again I lose hope 'cos I feel I am not a whole woman because I can not have an orgasm.
David Swanson argues against the various common types of lies used to justify wars:
"The very idea that there can ever be a good or just war, any more than there can be a good slavery or a just rape. While Americans often turn against particular wars after cheering for them, many people maintain the fantasy that there could be a really good or necessary war next month. This delusion helps to keep around what President Eisenhower 50 years ago this week called the military-industrial complex, which is itself a large source of pressure for more wars."