First and foremost, hello. I am a new member on your site. I am in dire need of help. My problem is, I am in a long (international) distance relationship and my girlfriend is having problems achieving an orgasm. Of course, I have no problems getting mine. But the thing is, I would like to please her more and I don't enjoy it when she doesn't achieve an orgasm and I do. I'll admit at times I get worked up rather quickly and she loves long foreplay. Even with the addition of long foreplay she still doesn't orgasm. We don't get to see one another a lot because our relationship is an international one. We have a 16 month old child together and I know a child can run a person ragged.
Last year when a young woman requested a session with me, it wasn’t to learn about orgasm, but to get my response to her book on Pubic Hairstyles. Rhonda Coleman is a hair removal technician based in Chapel Hill, NC. When I saw her book proposal, I was impressed. How could women doubt the beauty of their vulvas once they had their very own beauty salon? Rhonda’s book had clever drawings with a multitude of different pubic hair styles available. From totally nude called a Brazilian, to hearts, triangles, landing strips as well as a zigzag lightening bolt. These designs were available in a variety of colors from Moss Beauty Studio.
You're a feminist who is also very pro-sexual expression, so I'd like to get your opinion on this. What do you think is the difference between sexual attraction and objectification? Is there a difference? Personally, I think the lines are blurry as in my opinion all attraction is objectification to some degree.
Yes, Semantics is a bitch. While defining our individual meaning of words is important, it's also nearly impossible, I would agree with your observation that attraction and objectification are close to being the same thing. It could also be called "personal taste" in that we all have our favorite foods, colors, art, body types, etc.
Dear Dr. Dodson and Ms. Ross,
I've been blessed with very large boobs--DDDs. I have nice large sensitive nipples too that stay hard pretty much all the time. I love to have my tits sucked and licked. Very pleasurable for me!!! Recently, I discovered that I like to suck them too. I will do this while masturbating and it really gets me off!
Question: Am I weird for doing this? Is this a common thing for big breasted women to do? Do other women like this as well? I feel a tad freakish for doing it and am wondering if other women do it too. Thanks.
Hi Dr. Betty,
I am a 49 year old woman who was raised very sexually repressed. I got married very late in life just 4 years ago. I have a very loving relationship with my husband who is almost 20 years my junior (and I don't care what other people think). I have had sexual partners prior to my marriage, but I can't say that I am sexually experienced. The dilemma that I am facing is that I have problems with arousal and orgasm. I don't think I have ever experienced an orgasm, only in my sleep.
I know you are a big proponent of masturbation, which due to my repressive upbringing I have never tried and when a girlfriend suggested it several years ago, I didn't think I liked the idea of touching myself, which now I think is sad that I thought that way.
I am a 25 year old female, and my problem is I can't climax. Well I can but only with vibrators, never on my own with my fingers or while having intercourse. When my partner performs oral sex, it doesn't feel good, or bad i can just feel it. The same thing is true with my clitoris, when I touch it it's not sensitive.
It does not feel good or bad, but I feel it. I started masterbating at about 13 years old with shower heads and that went on for a few years, that might be the reason why my clitoris isn't as responsive.
Is there anything I can do to fix that?
Dear Dr. Betty,
I've been with my partner now for about a year and a half. When we met it was complete passion through and through. But now I don't feel aroused by anything anymore. It takes me a long time to get worked up and I'm always in my head during sex it seems.
I've had about 6-8 UTI's within the last year and have been on antibiotics to treat them all. I became sick on a number of them but have now seemed to clear them all away. Unfortunately ever since all my antibiotics, my clitoris is sore whenever my partner attempts to touch it. This never used to be the case, I used to love when he did so.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I was wondering if you could clear up some confusion I have regarding strengthening your PC muscles and orgasms. What I often read is that kegels will often "enhance" your orgasm or have them happen more frequently.(Yes )
I also have watched a video with you talking about them and how they first came about helping women achieve orgasm for the first time (while initially doing them for incontinence). I know how much you stress that most women who do have orgasm through intercourse are achieving it through clitoral stimulation.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I am a 32 year old woman who has had very little experience with learning how to reach orgasm during sex.
I never worried so much about it because my partners never really cared. But I am with a man now who wants to pleasure me and wants me to tell him what I like and how to make me feel good. I have realized that I don't know anything about this with dealing with myself since my focus has always been on my partner. I feel silly and embarrassed not even knowing where to begin. It frustrates him that he can't make me climax and I want to.
The way I visualize an antidepressant working is similar to repeatedly thinking (feeling) I’m a worthless idiot and as that thought keeps repeating inside my brain; the drug breaks this repetitious process.
Similar to what most of us have experienced, first thing when I wake up, I start going over a jingle or a phrase that gets mentally repeated over and over and over again. The other morning it was “Three blind mice, three blind mice, See how they run, see how they run…!” Harmless enough, but a negative repetition that is consistently repeated again and again might become unbearable as it slowly wears down a person’s self esteem.
My lover is very disappointed that I frankly don't care how much semen he ejaculates. I have tried to explain that it makes no difference to me. how much. I am more concerned about the intensity and satisfactions of his orgasms.
Surely the amount of come is based on how long since his last ejaculation not the quality of our fuck?
I'm 63 and can't remember this being an important issue to lovers in my youth. Is this yet another case of men being persuaded that women love 'come' via porn sites. Please, let me know how you all feel, perhaps I'm the one with a problem?
Dear Dr. Betty,
Thank you so much for all you do for sexual education and female emancipation. I am so impressed with the body of work you have created, both in art and sexual health.
I'm a 30-year-old woman with primary vaginismus, and have attempted penetrative sex numerous times, with myself and with a partner, but after trying so many times, it's still a challenge. Of course, I have watched yours and Carlin's video on vaginismus, and have read all the literature I could find on the topic.
Since we just passed our ten year mark working together as equal partners, I took a moment to reflect. Looking back, I realized I’d spent more time looking for a business partner than looking for Mr. Right. The man I married was Mr. Wrong so I couldn’t even trust my own judgment. After the divorce, I was dedicated to art, enjoying working alone in my studio. Standing in front of a canvas, I was the Queen who answered to no one.
I just recently stumbled across your website and it's helped me a lot but I have a few questions about more specific things. I'm a 17 year old girl who has masturbated since 6th or 7th grade (12-13yrs old). When I first started I used my hand once or twice but then I read about using an electric toothbrush which worked really well, I used that method for a while until I learned about the shower head method which did wonders!
Hi Dr. Betty.
I am a 29 year old man who is also virgin and I must say I like your website. And my question has to do with a sexual fantasy I have. In my fantasy a woman is performing oral sex on me and while she has my fully erect penis her mouth she bites it. What I am saying is I want a woman to bite my penis. Is there any advice you can give on this and is this a normal fantasy?
I think I would like it If a woman did bite my penis.
One of the best things about sexual fantasies is that they never need to be acted out unless we so desire. A lot of my fantasies remain just imaginary. Others are a way for me to test out things I might like to try while playing it safe. At some point you could ask a GF to apply pressure on your dick with her teeth VERY slowly.