I feel like my story has a lot of weird details, so thank you ahead of time for your patience. I am experiencing some issues with orgasm and am looking for advice and help.
I got married a three years ago in my early 20s. I was a virgin until my wedding night, so the only sexual experience I have has been with my husband (my husband was not a virgin, not sure if you might need to know that as well). Even though we didn’t have sex before marriage, we have always had a lot of chemistry. I remember I would become very aroused just from making out, even with no petting or serious touching.
This is what every red-blooded man would think! Or say! Or maybe do! Come on people, it’s way past time to be puritanical in the age of porn. The grownups are not keeping up with the kids if they really think this statement is so outrageous.
Dear Dr. Betty,
The concept of women always having their own way is not equality. Women have breasts and vaginas. Men have penises.
This fundamental inequality can not be balanced but in all other contexts, for women to have equality to men, men must have the same equality to women.
Women can "do things for themselves" but to overcome the imbalances, women and men should try to understand the world from each others and their own point of view.
I can't see how you can ever solve the differences that women experience without doing exactly the same for men. As a radical thinker, I'm surprised and disappointed at what seems to be your one sided outlook.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I hear/read a lot about male ED and diabetes. Is there a connection between female orgasm and diabetes?
I used to be able to achieve an orgasm easily, but since having diabetes it's more difficult and definitely less intense. I'm 65
The health of our bodies always affects our sexuality. However, I suspect your age of 65 also has to do with your orgasms. Also our length of time with the same partner can affect sexual interest and response. Since you are well past menopause, you might get your hormones checked out. I use a bio-identical hormone cream made from the soy bean plant. I avoid big pharma whenever it's possible.
Hope you're doing great.
This is Fabiola, from Mexico, your bodysex certification student and lifetime admirer. I write you to address a question that often comes to my mind since I started my journey at Bodysex, and as a sex researcher it marked the focus of everything I do.
For the last almost 4 years I've been developing my PhD dissertation on the influence of sexual norms and beliefs over the experience of sexual pleasure. As you can figure, the few research focused on sexual pleasure is not enough but have found a lot about sexual satisfaction, and here goes my question:
Do you consider sexual satisfaction and sexual pleasure to be different constructs, and why? I do.
Hey Dr. Betty,
This is not a question, but I just wanted to share with you and Carlin that I filmed my face while I was masturbating and that was just...magical. I am 23 and didn't start masturbating till my late teens due to religious guilt and body shame. In fact, I only started masturbating when I found your website.
I still have trouble orgasming (and I never had a big "O"), but seeing the way my face looked on video was so powerful and mesmerizing, that it brought tears to my eyes... Seeing myself all vulnerable and taking charge of my pleasure was mind boggling. I have rewatched the video so many times because I adore the way my face looks so much!
Thank you and Carlin for all the work you do for women all over the world!
Much love to you!
I'm 34 and have always had a healthy sex drive. I have had anonymous sex and I love it. I find myself repressing my desire to be sexual, because it's not "proper". I don't have sex regularly, because I do not have a partner. So, that leaves me quite frustrated.
I want to give myself permission to have protected sex with as many men as I like, because I simply like sex. How do I move past the social norms and finally embrace who I am.
I am a 31 year old woman that has never had an orgasm...I think. I joined the military at 18 and was too busy to really explore my body and I also would regularly be intoxicated if I did have sex with male partners. At 21 I came out and started to sleep with women but mainly would touch them and not spend much time on myself. During these times I also deployed to Iraq twice for 12 month deployments where I slept in tents with 30+ people and was unable to masturbate. I always assumed the orgasm would come later on when I had time. Basically, I didn't make it a priority then.
According to thousands of sex questions I’ve received during four decades, I’m aware of America’s profound lack of understanding when it comes to the basic act of heterosexual intercourse. Yes! Something we all take for granted, yet society could benefit from some very basic sex information/education to better understand what actually takes place when a penis penetrates a vagina and begins thrusting. This is the most frequent form of sexual activity that takes place between two people, straight, gay, or bi throughout the world.
Dear Dr. Betty,
I hit puberty when I was only 9 and started feeling really sexual at about 13. I would try rubbing my clit,fingering, the "come here" motion and nothing worked. Not only did I not feel pleasure, but I barely felt anything at all. Especially in my clit. I was so disappointed and frustrated about not feeling anything that I threw away my virginity to see if it was different. It wasn't. I felt absolutely nothing. Not even pain. The boy was only 13 and it was his first time too, but he really tried. He tried sucking on my clit and rubbing it during penetration. Didn't feel it. I took a break from sex after hating it so much and tried to stick to masturbation.
love the website. So my question is this. I am a 30 year old virgin is something wrong with me for being one? I feel that I should have lost it a long time ago. Now for more about me. I am a straight man and I feel guilty for finding women attractive and also my heterosexuality feels wrong. I am also really insecure about the size of my penis. I come from a house where my dad was a sexual deviant and through out my teenage years my mother constantly reminded my me about it.so my sexual feelings feel wrong till the point that I have publicly purged my sexual self till the point where not even my own family knows I am straight.
Dear Dr. Betty,
First of all, as a woman, I can't thank you and Carlin enough for your empowering, liberating efforts, which have closely guided me through my journey of sexual discovery.
I've masturbated with tension since I've been a child by humping the mattress and keeping my legs straight. It gives me localized, nice little orgasms which are clearly defined: there's a built-up of tension, I reach that small peak, calm down, get wet and my clit becomes very sensitive (in a good way).
I am a 23 year old and I've never had an orgasm. I've never had sex (though I like to say I took my own virginity!). I masturbate a lot, at least once a day. I mostly don't use toys, but I do have an array over tried out. For some reason I always reach the same stopping point regardless of if I'm with a partner, by myself, using toys, or not using toys. Whenever I reach this stopping point i just don't want to continue. It feels weird and it's not really pleasant. Sometimes when at exactly the moment I reach this stopping point I start crying and I have no idea why. This has happened with partners and when I'm by myself.
Dear Dr Betty,
I first off wanted to thank you for responding to my message I sent in a few months ago where you encouraged me to stop listening to my peers bragging about their sex lives and do things at my own pace, including continuing with masturbation. It was so nice to receive your response.
I now have a sexual partner and have had penetrative sex for the first time a few days ago. He has done this before, although I don't think he has much experience either as despite the foreplay being good and feeling very turned on, the sex seemed pretty aggressive, and he didn't return the oral sex I gave to him. He also used a condom but was unable to orgasm, so the sex ended with us both feeling frustrated and awkward. For my first time it was a bit disappointing.
Hello Dr. Betty,
I'm 18 years old and have been masturbating and able to reach orgasm since a really young age. I've always been and continue to be a very sexual person. I masturbate regularly, sometimes more than once. I'm a virgin but i've had phone sex with guys before. However, i'm always masturbating on my face, humping my bed, couch, walls, pillows, shower etc. sometimes i reach my hand and spread my lips and i'm able to orgasm every time. Lately, i've been trying to masturbate lying on my back and touching my clit, even inserting a finger in but I don't find it as pleasurable as being face down.