Betty Dodson's blog

Pleasure is Learned

Thu, 12/01/2016 - 14:37
Submitted by Betty Dodson
Original Drawing Betty Dodson

I can’t write a number large enough to cover the amount of emails I get from young, middle-aged, and older woman asking me how to have an orgasm. The constant refrain is that they have tried EVERYTHING and they still can’t come!

Some get a good feeling when they lie on their stomachs and clench their legs together or hump pillows or rolled up blankets until they get some mild feelings but when they roll over and try with their fingers or a vibrator, nothing much happens. Or if it does, those little mild sensations simply could not be an orgasm. Even if she feels her vagina contract or pulsates, she denies anything like an orgasm could have taken place.

New BF Wants Me to Squirt

Mon, 11/28/2016 - 08:51
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty and Carlin,

I'm in my 40's and just getting back out there after my 25 year marriage ended. My sex life with the ex was not too exciting. A new guy I've been seeing for a few months is more adventurous sexually (I took a tip from Betty and went out with a younger guy LOL). Anyhow, this guy seems obsessed with getting me to "squirt" and even makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't pull it off.

I don't know much about it, I pretty much thought it was a "stunt" done in adult movies to make guys think they are "big studs" for making a woman ejaculate. Am I right to be ambivalent about this? Frankly it seems like a big mess more than anything.

Thanks!
R

What is a Good Age to Teach Kids About Sex?

Tue, 11/22/2016 - 08:28
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty,

I am brand new to this amazing resource and have spent all day combing through posts and podcast videos and I really appreciate what a wonderful set of educational tools you and Carlin have provided here.

I have a 5 year old daughter and I'm wondering how I can incorporate sex education into her development in a healthy way and at what age it's appropriate?

Is My Hooded Clitoris Keeping Me From Pleasure?

Wed, 11/16/2016 - 08:53
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dearest Betty and Carlin, get a drink, this is a long one.

I am a 63yr old lesbian and I have finally started my journey toward sexual healing and liberation. I discovered your wonderful web site while searching for information on hooded clits. Google had listed it’s best results, when I accidentally dropped my mouse on the keyboard, and up popped your clitoral hood chart page. If that’s not the Goddess sending me to you, I don’t know what is.

I started reading. I read for hours. I cried out of pain, I cried out of joy, I cried out of anger, finally I cried out of sadness that it has taken me 63 years to start this healing.

Went on the Pill & Lost My Orgasm

Mon, 10/31/2016 - 12:48
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi there!

I feel like my story has a lot of weird details, so thank you ahead of time for your patience. I am experiencing some issues with orgasm and am looking for advice and help.

I got married a three years ago in my early 20s. I was a virgin until my wedding night, so the only sexual experience I have has been with my husband (my husband was not a virgin, not sure if you might need to know that as well). Even though we didn’t have sex before marriage, we have always had a lot of chemistry. I remember I would become very aroused just from making out, even with no petting or serious touching.

Kiss Her & Then Grab Her by the Pussy

Wed, 10/26/2016 - 07:08
Submitted by Betty Dodson

This is what every red-blooded man would think! Or say! Or maybe do! Come on people, it’s way past time to be puritanical in the age of porn. The grownups are not keeping up with the kids if they really think this statement is so outrageous.

The Word "Feminism" Suggests You're Only Interested in Women

Sat, 10/22/2016 - 14:06
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

The concept of women always having their own way is not equality. Women have breasts and vaginas. Men have penises.

This fundamental inequality can not be balanced but in all other contexts, for women to have equality to men, men must have the same equality to women.

Women can "do things for themselves" but to overcome the imbalances, women and men should try to understand the world from each others and their own point of view.

I can't see how you can ever solve the differences that women experience without doing exactly the same for men. As a radical thinker, I'm surprised and disappointed at what seems to be your one sided outlook.

Is There a Connection Between Female Orgasm & Diabetes?

Mon, 10/10/2016 - 07:38
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I hear/read a lot about male ED and diabetes. Is there a connection between female orgasm and diabetes?

I used to be able to achieve an orgasm easily, but since having diabetes it's more difficult and definitely less intense. I'm 65

Thanks
K

Dear K,

The health of our bodies always affects our sexuality. However, I suspect your age of 65 also has to do with your orgasms. Also our length of time with the same partner can affect sexual interest and response. Since you are well past menopause, you might get your hormones checked out. I use a bio-identical hormone cream made from the soy bean plant. I avoid big pharma whenever it's possible.

Do You Consider Sexual Satisfaction & Sexual Pleasure to be Different Constructs, & Why?

Thu, 10/06/2016 - 17:59
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hope you're doing great.

This is Fabiola, from Mexico, your bodysex certification student and lifetime admirer. I write you to address a question that often comes to my mind since I started my journey at Bodysex, and as a sex researcher it marked the focus of everything I do.

For the last almost 4 years I've been developing my PhD dissertation on the influence of sexual norms and beliefs over the experience of sexual pleasure. As you can figure, the few research focused on sexual pleasure is not enough but have found a lot about sexual satisfaction, and here goes my question:

Do you consider sexual satisfaction and sexual pleasure to be different constructs, and why? I do.

I Filmed My Face While Masturbating

Tue, 10/04/2016 - 07:12
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hey Dr. Betty,

This is not a question, but I just wanted to share with you and Carlin that I filmed my face while I was masturbating and that was just...magical. I am 23 and didn't start masturbating till my late teens due to religious guilt and body shame. In fact, I only started masturbating when I found your website.

I still have trouble orgasming (and I never had a big "O"), but seeing the way my face looked on video was so powerful and mesmerizing, that it brought tears to my eyes... Seeing myself all vulnerable and taking charge of my pleasure was mind boggling. I have rewatched the video so many times because I adore the way my face looks so much!

Thank you and Carlin for all the work you do for women all over the world!

Much love to you!

L

I Find Myself Repressing My Desire to be Sexual Because It's Not Proper

Tue, 09/27/2016 - 14:03
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I'm 34 and have always had a healthy sex drive. I have had anonymous sex and I love it. I find myself repressing my desire to be sexual, because it's not "proper". I don't have sex regularly, because I do not have a partner. So, that leaves me quite frustrated.

I want to give myself permission to have protected sex with as many men as I like, because I simply like sex. How do I move past the social norms and finally embrace who I am.

Dear S,

Did a Rocket Blast Damage My Orgasm?

Mon, 09/19/2016 - 08:19
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I am a 31 year old woman that has never had an orgasm...I think. I joined the military at 18 and was too busy to really explore my body and I also would regularly be intoxicated if I did have sex with male partners. At 21 I came out and started to sleep with women but mainly would touch them and not spend much time on myself. During these times I also deployed to Iraq twice for 12 month deployments where I slept in tents with 30+ people and was unable to masturbate. I always assumed the orgasm would come later on when I had time. Basically, I didn't make it a priority then.