I've had this on my mind as of late and I'm going to try to put these feelings into words as simple as possible.
I'm 23 year Aspie old woman who has had both relationship and non-relationship penetrative sex - and I disliked both. I was in a one-year relationship with a wonderful guy I lost my virginity to and the sex was kinda unsatisfying. We were both inexperienced so it makes sense that the sex wasn't spectacular. He even had a difficult time staying hard and ejaculating. Eventually I grew tired and decided to clock out of the relationship, despite the fact that I still care for him. During that time, I started talking to another guy at school, who was the total opposite of my BF. He was much more sexually experienced but the sex itself was so painful.
He would hit my cervix in such a rough way, even after I told him to slow down. It felt like my insides were being stabbed. The worst part was the fact that I probably wasn't wet enough (the foreplay consisted of one minute fingering) so it made the sex even more painful. That and the fact that he was rather well-endowed. He even tried to have anal sex with me when it wasn't even discussed beforehand. Overall those two experiences of having both relationship sex and one night stand sex has left me feeling conflicted.
I've heard both sides go on and on about how wonderful "making love" is with someone you trust and love - I had that and it didn't work when he didn't try and when I was done trying. Or how fucking just to fuck is exciting and liberating - I had that as well and it made me feel used when he got what he wanted and stopped talking to me. All of this has made me realize that maybe sex just isn't for me. Even the times where I have had orgasms through masturbation, it wasn't that big of a deal. It felt good but after I was like, "that's it? That's what we human beings are so obsessed with? It only lasts a couple of seconds!
I've had more thrills spending hours dancing to music I love or exploring a new city." But again, maybe it just isn't for me. It's like you have to leave all of your feelings and inhibitions out the door and I just can't - I feel and think too much. Because of that I've been wondering if I should just give up sexuality and become celibate. Is that the wisest idea though?
I just have not had the confidence and energy to become a sexual person again after these past experiences.
Would love to hear what you have to say.
I believe you have the choice of having sex with yourself and/or sex with other people or to remain celebrate. Obviously if you are to continue to have partner sex I would advise you to learn to take control. Or like we said back in the good old days of feminism, "Run the fuck." So many men have learned about sex by watching porn and for some reason they believe harder and faster is what we prefer.
This is not true for most women. Until you have a sweet lover who takes his time and moves in and out of your body with gently strokes, you would do well to suspend judgment. Once again, the way to practice sex is to continue to masturbate. It's like the dancer working out at the bar in front of a mirror. Or the artist drawing from the nude to master her skills.