Hi Betty (& Carlin),
I've been watching your YT videos off and on since I was a teenager! Thank you so much for posting them. I have a question I hope you can help me with.
I had my first kiss and lost my virginity to the same man when I was 19. I'm 24 now and we are still together and we have even discussed getting married. Even though he is 55, we are about as emotionally compatible as you could possible get. We have spent nearly 24/7 with each other for the past 5 years (we work and live together) and still never manage to really annoy or get in each other's "way," so to speak. The only issue is that I'm deeply curious about what it would be like to sleep with other men (particularly to one I've been talking with online). Our sex life isn't the greatest (he has testosterone imbalances he needs to correct with medication) and he usually always wants me on top and doesn't thrust as hard or for as long as I'd like.
I have discussed my desire to experience sex at least "once" outside our relationship, but he shot that down immediately and told me he wouldn't be okay with that.
I'm also going through a kind of quarter life crisis. While I don't want to give up my 20's never having experienced sex (or even a kiss) with another man, I don't want to give up my boyfriend up, either since we are compatible in many other ways and he bends over backwards for me. I've never met anyone who is as devoted, caring, and attentive as he is to me. I don't want to be one of those women that throws away a good thing just because of this whole "the grass is always greener on the other side," mentality.
What do you think I should do?
Thank you again!
Dear S, It's not just about the grass always being greener. You are describing a situation that will only become more of a problem as he grows older while you remain so much younger. The May/December relationships only succeed when the older partner is not sexually possessive of the younger one. If he could handle you experimenting a few times just to see what it's like to be with another man then it might work out. However he is adamant about sexually possessing you indefinitely which demonstrates his present insecurity which will only intensify as he grows older.
You are already aware that his age and health are affecting the sex you currently share. Just project that a few years into the future which suggests you'll have to settle for less or no sex. Meanwhile your natural curiosity will continue to intensify which most likely would lead to cheating. Not a happy thought for either of you. While compatibility with living and working together counts for a lot, sex will always win out.