I Feel Pleasure Then Nothing

Thu, 12/15/2016 - 10:20
Submitted by Betty Dodson


I've run out of things to try to fix my problem. Whenever I feel even a little pleasure in my genital region I have contractions and it's all over. I've been masturbating since I was 11, I'm 23 now. After a few years of masturbating my orgasms became so weak that I basically only had them to fall asleep easier. They haven't improved even with edging or not masturbating for several months.

I'm wondering if I'm even having orgasms. I have the signs of orgasm like contractions in my vagina and feeling relaxed afterwards.

Also I seem to have no erogenous zones, I've touched every part of my body in different ways, even my breasts aren't sensitive. Fingering my vagina doesn't do anything. all I can do is rub or put a vibrator on my clitoris.

Oral sex, penetrative sex, anal sex, none of that is working.

Also when I was 11 I was aroused by kissing someone. But then between the ages of 11 and 21 I had no physical/sexual contact with anyone, and when I had finally had physical contact with someone again I was not aroused, and haven't been able to be aroused with someone touching me to this day. Has my sexual development been messed up from too much rough masturbation and no one to explore my sexuality with during puberty?

Thanks for any help

Dear J,

I believe your another example of someone with unrealistic expectations either from viewing porn or reading romantic books. You are holding some ideal in your head of what you should be feeling and its not happening. You sound angry and disappointed with you body. Try loving it for a change.

Start living with the belief that there is nothing wrong with you and see what happens. Trust your body that it knows how to orgasm. Stop THINKING about sex and orgasms for now. Instead practice Yoga, meditation and breathing exercises. Take up some sport. Say nice things to your body instead of hating it for not doing what you want from it. Orgasms are never long lasting. They happen in a few moments and then we are finished. An actual orgasm lasts for a few seconds but you can build up and have another one in one session.

It's time to make friends with your body and start to develop your erotic mind with some hot sexual fantasies. Right now it's all about being "broken" which is very depressing. You are NOT "broken" but you are making yourself dysfunctional by not appreciating what taking place when you masturbate. Stop judging your orgasms so harshly. Appreciate what's happening now and it will get better.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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do we ever talk about "love'

Sun, 12/18/2016 - 23:32
lsjb (not verified)

do we ever talk about "love' here? is it only about individual pleasure?  do we ever give gratitude for the hopeful connection we make with someone else? or is it just about me? maye we get tired of ourselves.  maybe there's something about going on a pleasure journey WIth a partner.  what's up with all this narcissistic, selfish, affirmation about singular pleasure?  sounds kind of Trumpian.
is love ever a piece of this? come on.  HUmans  need to connect. There's a time and place for all kinds of satisfaction. Somehow I think this site get too hung up with orgasm and too little with balance -- fix youself by fixing your relationship.  you never know.

I see the value of this site

Wed, 12/21/2016 - 16:43
Jake E

I see the value of this site as a counter point to the traditional expectation that women must care about male sexual satisfaction while faking her own. So as it's main theme is redressing the balance within relationships I think it's bound to seem uncaring in places. Especially when Betty reminises about many of her early heterosexiual affairs. 

But I'm with you in that the many kinds of love are important. And friendship and companionship are central to good communication, which is central to good sex.