New BF Wants Me to Squirt

Mon, 11/28/2016 - 08:51
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty and Carlin,

I'm in my 40's and just getting back out there after my 25 year marriage ended. My sex life with the ex was not too exciting. A new guy I've been seeing for a few months is more adventurous sexually (I took a tip from Betty and went out with a younger guy LOL). Anyhow, this guy seems obsessed with getting me to "squirt" and even makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't pull it off.

I don't know much about it, I pretty much thought it was a "stunt" done in adult movies to make guys think they are "big studs" for making a woman ejaculate. Am I right to be ambivalent about this? Frankly it seems like a big mess more than anything.


Dear R, Congratulations on re-entering the sexlual marketplace. You assessment of female ejaculation is correct. Frankly, I have disliked the whole G spot idea because it took us back into our vaginas looking for a magic spot. Meanwhile the clitoris was relegated to a back seat. No, no, no! It is our primary organ for pleasure.

Unfortunately your young man is a victim of porn. Like the man pulls out so we can SEE his ejaculation, the woman Squirts so we can see her come. Only squirting is NOT the same thing as having an orgasm. It can accompany an orgasm that engages the clitoris but squirting alone is not an orgasm. And you are correct, it leaves a awful mess that the woman has to clean up..

So tell your young man "squirting" is passe. Only women who fake orgasms are doing it. So he's being fooled by porn. Send him to D&R for solid info on female sexuality. And then stand your ground.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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I disagree

Wed, 11/30/2016 - 08:40
Belle (not verified)

Hi Betty,
Although I've been an admirer of yours for many years, I have to disagree with you on this one.   
I am a squirter.  I just taught a squirting workshop a few weeks ago.  I and another woman demonstrated how we squirt and orgasm. We weren't faking anything. 
Years ago I thought I was just peeing myself when I was really excited by a male lover. Then I read Susie Bright's Lesbian Sex World and had a revelation. When my girlfriend had her hand inside me I was squirting, not peeing! I experienced the same thing a few years later with a male lover who after getting me very excited by licking my clit, pushed a couple of fingers inside me and was very pleasantly surprised to have his face flooded. No faking there either.
It bothers me that this woman's BF makes her feel inadequate because she can't squirt. That's a red flag for sure. If she does want to learn however, it seems to take relaxation, intense arousal and practice.  Have a look at Reddit, Fetlife or The Squirt Project for more resources.
As for making a mess, there are now wonderful waterproof pads made especially for messy sex, that either of us (not just the female) can throw in the washer.
Squirting is a powerful reaction to intense stimulation. Not every woman can do it, or even want to do it. But for many of us, squirting is a delightful part of our sexual repertoire.

Anon, I'm 23 and I squirt and

Fri, 12/02/2016 - 14:51
Larissa (not verified)

Anon, I'm 23 and I squirt and I'll tell you that I fucking HATE squirting. As Betty said, it is NOT an orgasm. I hate it so much that I have been desperately looking for ways to make it stop. I have tried  going hours without drinking water and I still end up squirting and it's suuuch a pain in the ass to have to clean up every time! In fact, knowing that I squirt every time I penetrate myself makes me not even want to masturbate anymore because I hate the mess. I have trouble orgasming and I squirt every time and hardly have an orgasm. I am jealous of women who can't squirt. So educate your bf about this squirting fantasy bullshit.

Guys, my opinion is that you

Tue, 03/07/2017 - 07:01
LilieL (not verified)

Guys, my opinion is that you are discussing some obvious things. First of all, take into consideration that this is all biology only. It's no point liking it or hating.
biology topic paper writer at


Thu, 04/13/2017 - 21:42
DebbieBee (not verified)

Big fan of your work Betty! In my experience, squirting is very real and most of the time, very pleasurable.  There has been a lot of recent research about female ejaculation as well as science uncovering important information about the clitorus being much more than a tiny button. I have NOT always been a squirter.  In fact, most of my life, I was not. Curiosity inspired a lot of experimentation and I can defend female squirting from personal experience.  
I also do not believe that some women can squirt while others can not. With understanding about how our bodies work, being both very relaxed (comfortable) but very stimulated, and with patience with the g-spot, I believe women can learn to squirt. My suggestion for getting started would be to incorporate warming lube in your play and make sure the g-spot is well covered (or the area on the inside upper wall of the vaginal canal up to about 3 inches). Ben-Waa balls (especially those on a string) can help stimulate the g-spot. I have also found the WeVibe and a g-spot stimulating vibrator helpful. Firm or hard pressure may be more effective than the "come hither" motion popular in instructionall info.
I can tell you for certain this is not does not exit from the urethra but rather from just inside the vaginal canal. I have had both gushing and squirting experiences. I have been able to ejaculate further than 6ft. The fluid is clear and sweet tasting and smelling much like sugar water.
Personally I am thankful for this development in my sexuality. It has brought me (& my hubby) great pleasure. 
I love how even now in middle age my body is still surprising me and I am still learning more about it.  Oh the beauty God created when He made women.

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